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Rejected Character Kidd Bravefist

Soya

Inactive Member
Name: Kidd Bravefist


General Information

Species: Nepleslian
Gender: Male
Age: 23

Family / Creators: Father: Unknown Mother: Unknown

Employer: Star Army of Nepleslia
Occupation: Power Armor Pilot, Pilot for the Star Army of Nepleslia
Rank: Soldier 3rd Class
Current Assignment:


Physical Characteristics

Height: 6'1"
Weight: 170 lbs.

Build and Skin Colour: Muscular. Average Build. Moderate Tan-colored skin.
Facial Features and Eye Colour: Kidd Bravefist is a mixed sort of handsome, with narrow eyes he would seem mysterious, powerful brown eyes that seemed to brighten in the light.
Hair Colour and Style: Short yellow, neatly kept hair, which has grown beyond his forehead.

Distinguishing Features: Kidd's face show no signs of age, having tattoos and minor scars and scratches along his arms. He walks with a slow pace, usually carrying a backpack to help hold random items.


Psychological Characteristics

Personality:
On the exterior, Kidd seems like a happy, charming, relaxed, and laid-back jokester, and for the most part he is, but he is also a deep person with a terrible childhood and a lot of dark feelings that he doesn't allow the others to see. He always tries to be the prankster of the group and never misses a chance to crack a joke. Kidd tries to hide behind his laughter from the bad parts of the world he lives in, especially from the killing he does as a mecha pilot. When he battles he goes a little crazy: a grin just a little too wide for comfort appears, along with really hollow, psychotic laughter.

Likes: Music, graffiti, art, loyalty, an occasional bottle of beer.
Dislikes: Unnecessary talking, corruption within ranks, poor artwork.
Goals: To continue his life of independence, settle down and become a father, and continue in the army.


History

Kidd as a child growing up in the impoverished Nepleslia, knowing nothing about his family or real name. He was a part of a street gang of orphans, which had to steal to survive and usually made trouble leaving behind colorful murals of childs play on buildings and stores. Later on, he and the rest of the gang were taken in by Bravefist church. The other children were eventually adopted, but no couple would keep Kidd for long because he was such a troublemaker. Home schooled within his the church environment, Kidd learned to love his homeworld, and be open about certain things. As soon as he turned 18, he joined the Nepleslian army, focusing on fighting and maintaining the peace. Kidd being taken in as a designated pilot. Kidd working alongside student engineers, taking apart and working on spare parts of power armor, shuttles, and various ground vehicles. Gaining a bit of experience with engineering tools and technology like computers and headsets. Learning diffrent talents from the army along with his knowledge of the rougher street scene. By his 20th birthday he had moved up from the rookie ranks to the experts, he would continue to fight along side the army in his power armor nicknamed "Shinigami" ending threats in the name of the Nepleslian army.


Skills

Fighting and Physical: Kidd Bravefist knows the ins and outs of hand-to-hand fighting, and is familiar with using what he learned from personal experience. He knows how to use a sword for battle purposes, not really undergoing any training, he also knows how to use various firearms undergoing traning from the army. He is experienced in both in Yamatai-like conditions and in zero-gravity, with and without weapons.

Leadership: Kidd Bravefist possesses leadership learned through years of personal experience. He can effectively command troops in a life and death situation, instilling loyalty and trust in them. He possesses tremendous persuasive ability and never cracks under pressure. He is an effective strategist, and is able to recognize ambush points, create effective combat strategies and tactics, and analyze intelligence information. He can command both ground and space forces.

Engineering: Kidd Bravefist is familiar with basic engineering operation and procedures and can make basic repairs to power armor, and shuttles in both combat and non-combat conditions.

Information Technology: Kidd Bravefist is capable of operating a computer system. He is proficient in entering and/or searching for information.

Art and Vocations: Kidd Bravefist is a artistic person, developing a love from art throught graffiti and even doing some on walls of older building in his younger age. Mostly using pencil and paper or a can of spraypaing against walls, Kidd leaving a few portraits of his personal views on life against walls of building, and train-carts usually his alias "Rag3".

Rogue: Kidd Bravefist is familiar with pick-pocketing, and knows the stratagies of a effective theft. He is more familiar with seduction using lies to con anyone from almost anything or stealing their attention for them to be pick-pocketed. Quick with his hands he is effective at stealing things in either a crowded or less-crowded area.

Survival and Military: Kidd Bravefist is an expert salvager, he can find and make shelter in most places on and off the battle field. Using past experiences and learning from his earlyer years.
 
This suggestion has been closed. Votes are no longer accepted.
Major Screw up.

Alright this is the first character I've produced, at all. I didnt know there would be given a rank. I just now noticed that other people have ranks given and I dont have one, Sorry for the missunderstanding of giving myself one maybe I overlooked something. But that minor problem will be changed as soon as I figure out what rank I'm given.
 
Being an orphan is a tad cliche, and there might be some work needed on the armour, but over all this is a pretty good character. In my opinion that is.
 
Leadership: Kidd Bravefist possesses leadership learned through years of personal experience. He can effectively command troops in a life and death situation, instilling loyalty and trust in them. He possesses tremendous persuasive ability and never cracks under pressure. He is an effective strategist, and is able to recognize ambush points, create effective combat strategies and tactics, and analyze intelligence information. He can command both ground and space forces.

This is DIRECTLY copied from Grand Admiral Robert Davis's character bio (who happens to be the leader of the Star Army of Nepleslia AND a GM-created character).

Being that Davis is 50 some odd years old and Kidd is 23, I don't see how Kidd's leadership could hold a candle to anyone else's. You just don't get these things unless you're someone incredibly special (which is something we don't allow under most circumstances).

The personality is ok, but there's a lot of the "dark past" thing going around recently. You don't have to change it, though.

You need to remove the "quickly rising through the ranks" by age 20. He's a 3rd class soldier, that's it.

The powerarmor's name is fine, as long as it is a standard armor made available to all Nepleslian forces. A lot of figher pilots give nicknames to their planes. However, since Nepleslia is a lot like America, whereas Yamatai is more Japanese, I'm not sure why he'd use the name "Shinigami" for his armor. That's not a bio-killer by any means, though... it'd be cool to get an explanation.


There are also several areas which have a striking similarity to Davis's bio:

Kidd: Short yellow, neatly kept hair, which has grown beyond his forehead. (Wait, doesn't all non-thinning hair have a tendency to grow beyond the forehead?)

Davis Bio:
Short gray, neatly kept hair, which has receded behind his forehead

Kidd:

Likes: Music, graffiti, art, loyalty, an occasional bottle of beer.
Dislikes: Unnecessary talking, corruption within ranks, poor artwork.
Goals: To continue his life of independence, settle down and become a father, and continue in the army.

Davis:
Likes: Devotion to the Nepleslian cause, Music, reading, social gatherings, polite discourse, loyalty, an occasional glass of wine.
Dislikes: Unnecessary violence, corruption within his ranks, insubordination, vice

This one isn't too bad, but I saw a similarity when I read it without having to look over my other bio (the unnecessary and occasional gave it away)

Kidd: Home schooled within his the church environment, Kidd learned to love his homeworld...As soon as he turned 18, he joined the Nepleslian army focusing on fighting and maintaining the peace.

Home schooled within his conservative familial environment, Davis learned to love his homeworld. As soon as he turned 18, he joined the Nepleslian army, focusing on maintaining the peace.

Other smaller areas:

You're using "personal experience" far too much in this bio to explain away abilities. There's only so much "personal experience" someone who is 23 years old has. At 23, I can hardly say I knew how to do this much stuff so well.

A solid start to a character bio, but he needs to be toned down in power a little.

More importantly, however, please use your own creativity and craft a character who is uniquely for you. The templates are there for reference, but things from them should never be picked off and used on another character.


Requesting another edit with these suggestions taken into account.


And post your contact info in the topic on the OOC forum.
 
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