New Submission Mining Guild's Engineering Corps

[Charaa]

Submission WIP URL

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:corp:mining_guild:engineering

Submission RP Example

https://stararmy.com/roleplay-forum/threads/in-the-business-of-the-mining-guild.70913/page-4#post-449228

Submission URL

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:corp:mining_guild:engineering

Submission Template URL

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=templates:business

Submission Faction(s)

1. Outlaws (Independent)

Submission Terms

1. I agree

Much like with the Corporate Security, i made a page to expand on the Engineering Corps

 

[Wes]

Hello, I'd like you to improve this wiki page in the following ways:

• Expand the overview under the title header. Use complete only sentences.
  • It looks like the first paragraph or two of text in the "About" section belongs there.
• The history section should be the first section header on the page and should be an H2 header (five = in wiki code)
• The history section mentions establishing a new headquarters but not where. Where?
• Title headers should be in Title Caps. ("Dracrei Shipyard’s began")
• Apostrophes are never used for plurals ("Dracrei Shipyard’s began")
• Proper nouns like "Stork-class Personnel Transport Shuttle" should be wiki linked to their respective pages.
• A lot of the text reads like marketing material, not an impartial encyclopedia entry:
  
  "These shuttles were equipped with advanced life-support systems, reinforced hulls for protection against space debris, and state-of-the-art navigation systems. The Stork-class quickly became known for its reliability, ensuring that the Mining Guild's workforce could be efficiently and safely moved between stations, planets, and ships."
  
  In this example, you can see that it talks about how the systems are great without explaining what they actually are or why.
• Did you know this article uses the term "state-of-the-art" 6 times? And "advanced" 17 times?
• "The ability to refine materials in space gave the Mining Guild a significant competitive advantage, allowing them to dominate the market for rare metals and gemstones." putting stuff like this in a submission is kind of problematic because if I approve it, it means it's canon that they do dominate the market, but you'd think this belongs in a submission for the Mining Guild main page?
• Capitalize YE (never use Ye) please
• I don't think this section should be in the page; it's off-topic fluff about something that should go on its own page:
  
  "Astrid's vision led to the creation of the Sentinel-class Control Frigate, a sophisticated starship designed with miner safety in mind. The frigate's primary function was to serve as a remote control hub for robotic bodies, allowing miners to operate in dangerous areas without physically being present. This technology was revolutionary, as it significantly reduced the risk of injury or death, ensuring that miners could carry out their tasks more safely and efficiently.
  
  The Sentinel-class Control Frigate was also designed to be versatile. While it wasn't intended to be the main command ship, its advanced control systems and robust communication capabilities meant it could serve as a command vessel for overseeing mining operations when needed. This dual functionality made the Sentinel-class a valuable asset for the Mining Guild, providing both safety and operational oversight in one package.
  
  It should be like "Astrid also helped create the [[Sentinel-class Control Frigate]]."
• I would like to see the Facilities in paragraph form (text) over the current kind of awkward bullet lists. Our wiki style guide says basically, try not to jam multi-line sentences into bullet lists.
• Remove all bolding from the page.

Pros:

• The article is very informative
• The article meets the automated quality check as green!
• The there's wiki links and some imagery
• Great use of struct for automatically updating product list