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Approved Submission Mining Guild's Intelligence Division

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Charaa,

I am going to give you a chance to go over the other reviews for your submissions, cause once again the same errors echo through this entire section of submissions so I don't have to tell you to fix the same type of errors! Let me know when you've revised the article accordingly.

Thank you!
 
i hope i got everything, i removed the bulleted parts and shoved them onto tables, and attempted to link stuff, and focused on removing words like cutting edge, or state of the art, but chances are high knowing my eyes i may have missed something, i apologize for this if thats the case.
 
Can you post the address that you moved this to?
 
Before I review this.

  • Ok there are some problematic canon problems with this. Before I even dive into the actual review there is mention of the Mining Guild using restricted technology like the Psionic Signal Controller and Aether? Where is this coming from?
 
they have Aether technology since the International Relations Conference, they asked via Alice for it through that meeting, and Yamatai agreed so long as they dont share it with the NDC, as for the Psionic Signal Controler, i figured that would be a natural evolution through new experiments. To be on the safe side, i made a mention of it being similar, not the actual device.
 
The PSC is an evolution of the ADN device. ( ADN device is listed as tech that had been used a long time on the Yuumi-Class Battleship etc) It was primarily created to nullify ridiculously used magics and psionic powers in Ayenee and other universes. Almost a Plot Device in nature. I don't see this being a natural evolution of the Mining Guild's technology at all.

Can you reference/link to the discussion about Aether and the Mining Guild at the IRC for me?

Beyond all of this, the amount of fluff in this article is really just too much. Length of an article can be good when it has substance, but this doesn't seem like substance at all. This seems to be a trend in your recent submissions. Wiki articles should be to the point, and have the information needed for reference. Charaa we miss your creativity before this reliance you have on AI. I am sorry but, I cannot approve this article at this time.
 
here is where the deal was made RP - [IRC 46] Negotiations as for the PSC i have removed the mentions from the history and will check for the rest of the page for references as well, right now, for now they are trying to research psionics.
 
Thank you for pointing to that thread. However, that does not change the reality of the nature and structure of the article. I hope you understand I am not picking on you here, but honestly trying to help you. The amount of fluff in this article and others is really too much. I'd like to see this one made more to the point and factual. Save the fluff for roleplaying stories on the forum.
 
I mentioned this in pm, i have attempted to cut the 'fluff' from the page and in the end simply decided to remove the mention of psionics from the history section. I'll try and figure out a way in rp for the Mining Guild to gain the knowledge. Likely with the removal of that section in History, i have made sure its removed from the rest of the page.
 
with incredible amount of embarrassment i edited out that part in the research and development section and made sure to link the aether rp mention as a footnote.
 
3 day approval timer. Expires 2024/10/13 @ 10:30.
 
Please hold the timer until I can review the aether thing more.
 
I dont know if i mentioned it, but i did make sure to add the link to the forum thread to the history i've also updated where characters were mentioned.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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