ON: Tom's room aboard the YSS Mokuren
"Shhhhhh...." Tom cooed into Yukari's ear, patting her on the back. "I-It's ok."
Different emotions flowed through Tom. Happiness. Relief. And grief. There were also hints of darker things beneath, but they all combined into something that he couldn't quite find words to describe. The static moment of hugging his love, his most important, most cherished thing he had in this universe... this moment was all that mattered to him now.
He inhaled deeply of Yukari's scent. Remnants of the battle, the rivers of tears laced with hemosynthetic fluid, of pain and injury. He did not care. He embraced the scent for it reminded him of the present, of the NOW, that the hell they went through was not some nightmare of the imagination.
"Y-yukari..."
Yukari looked up into his eyes after shifting down a bit on his body. She blinked at him, another tear rolling down one cheek while her eyes were a bright, but deflected green. She was looking at him through increasingly reddened eyes, after all. She shuddered with a sniff.
"Y-yes?" She clung to his neck still, her chin almost on her upper arms as she kept her hands touching part of him, one of the only parts of him not clothed.
"I-I want to say something," he said as he pried Yukari off of him, gently guiding her hands to the beating heart on his chest. The pulse was strong, rapid and steady. He cupped his hands over hers as he locked his teary gray eyes with hers. Then he slowly brought his lover's slender arms to his shoulders. Yukari's shimmering green orbs drew him closer and closer until his lips locked over hers in a passionate kiss. Waves of heat melted into Yukari.
Longing. Pure longing.
The soul of Suzuka Yukari thawed beneath Tom's kiss. Whatever he wanted to say, Yukari was not going to be able to hear it for a short time. Her fingers, weakened from the battle, squeezed his shoulders anyway as she pulled herself up into the kiss, too, and quivered against him.
She did not know what to say or do. She felt self-conscious for the shortest of moments before her eyes lidded over and she was lost amid his passion. Imagine, a "goddess" so taken by a mere "mortal," Yukari thought somewhere in the back of her mind. It was not a very conscious thought. She let the kiss end a minute or so later, when she was gasping for breath, just a bit painfully.
During the kiss, Yukari felt the waves of heat continue to slam into her body, but the longer the kiss lasted, it became apparant that behind the passion and the longing was something else, seated deep within the Raltean's core. The kiss, each second of it, drew it slowly from her lover, water from the deepest well of his soul, draining him fully and completely until, out of a need for Yukari to breathe, the kiss broke.
When she opened her eyes once more, she saw that Tom appeared smaller than before, as if he was about to roll into a ball and collapse. He trembled visibly, like he was in pain. He seemed so frail, almost helpless. Tom's eyes were shut as if a vice had clenched his lids together his arms clutching his sides, breaking physical contact with his love as he shivered.
"T-Tom?" Yukari said, suddenly scared. What was wrong? Why was he in such pain? Was he physically hurting? She looked for a nurse. Were the medical sensors working? Why was no one here yet? She looked back at him, and she put her hands on either side of him and balanced herself so there was less weight on his body. "Tom! Tom, what is wrong?" She fought tears forming over her own eyes. "Tom!"
The trembling man shook his head, fighting some kind of internal battle. He condensed, tighter and tighter until, finally, the damn broke and he sobbed, tears running unchecked down his cheeks.
"I-I tried, Y-Yuka," he sobbed out. "B-but I c-couldn't f-f-fight it. Too s-strong."
"Tom?" Yukari did not touch him, unsure what exactly he meant. But she did not get away from him, and she stayed over the rest of his body. "Fought what, Yuki-san? What?"
Fists clenched into white balls, almost matching the bedsheets he laid in. Tom was fighting still, it seemed, but this was a different battle entirely.
"Junko. I-Ichigo. R-Rin. M-M-MaraEveryone!" He forced out, as if he was squeezing the words out of himself with every clench he made. "Even M-Miharu! I-I c-could handle it... fight t-through it, because I had YOU."
Yukari looked at him with wide, uncomprehending eyes. He meant the fight? The battle they had survived? Yes, some people had died and it made Yukari angry and sad and many things ... and Tom was not her, but she was there! She was with him, right then, at that moment.
"I am here, Tom," she quietly said. "I am here, and you did fight through it! We are here, together, alive!"
"DAME!" Tom shouted, shaking his head again, spitting out the Yamataian word like venom. But the word gave him a burst of control over his emotions. His eyes opened and he looked at a spot on Yukari's leg, unable to bear looking at her face for the moment.
"You are the most important person to me in my life. You are more important than anything... Just the thought of you... it gave me the strength to fight on."
There was a deep, shuddering breath, which drew the color from his face.
"But, when it came to it, I failed you. Melisson, the Infection Queen... they twisted my mind, smashed my faith in you like so much glass. I c-couldn't fight it. I failed."
Yukari took his hands into hers and squeezed them. "B-baka. Look at me. Do I appear mad about that? The demon enthralls, it is her life's purpose!" She almost was smiling; Tom was being sweet, in a way, even if his anguish was real. "Faith ... love ... those things are not outside her power to manipulate, Yuki-san. She excells at them. You cannot blame yourself for that." Her tears clung to her eyes.
Tom forced himself to look at Yukari, look her in the eyes. The forgiveness was there, and it broke through to him, helped him.
"It's not just that, Yukari," he sad softly. "There was so much hate in me. Hate towards Nyton. Hate towards Kotori. Hate towards you. Madness I didn't know existed... I had that in me."
He closed his eyes, reliving the memories. The dreams, they were still fresh. He could still remember the smell of the bouquet of flowers on the table in Ralt.
"...I am not sure if I can explain completely what it means for a man, a proud Raltean, to lose himself in such a way... to lose sight of what he cherished most."
He looked at Yukari once more, a dull expression in his eyes.
"That's what makes it hurt so much. I broke my promise. Even if I didn't mean to, I broke it. I'm so sorry..."
"Idiot," Yukari replied, gently putting her head on his chest again, but looking up at him for a moment before she looked away. "I do not recognize your promise as broken. Demons exist to do evil things, and she did that to you. You had no power to stop it. None of us did." She arched her back again to bring her more level with him.
"I cannot understand what it means for a Raltean to have lost himself as you did. But that loss was not yours to stop. It was the Taisa's, and she did so. ... " She smiled a little, realizing how hard she was being. "I love you anyway, Tom."
The mention of Kotori brought just the lightest of a reaction from Tom, the briefest flicker of his eyes away from Yukari, but the Neko's keen senses picked up on it anyway.
"Thank you, Yukari," he said a smile forming on his face. "I'm glad I got that off my chest... it would have driven me mad, I think, to have kept it all inside."
Yukari frowned at him. "She saved you, and me, and them, and all of us, Tom. I feel helpless, as well ... and I know my actions do not engender her to you." She looked down at his chest. "But she saved us. And later, you saved me more than once. ... Can that not be enough?"
Moments passed, Tom running through his mind all that they had been through together, all of the situations in which Kotori had brought seemingly divine power to their aid.
"When Kotori saw into me, we touched minds," Tom finally said. "We shared souls. I can hold no hate in my heart for her, not anymore. I have given her my faith."
He let out a long sigh.
"But standing before such power, I feel as if I am on the good side of a God who, at any whim, may blow my spirit away like dust in the wind. I am afraid, even though I know I should not be. Do... do you understand?"
" ... Some. Yes." Yukari held his gaze as best she could. "Nekovalkyrja can do things ... things I do not understand. The Taisa likely does not understand herself. I am not afraid. I am eager to learn more because it could be very meaningful. To Neko, to Yamatai."
"I have learned much," he said, determinedly. "I will not permit my fear to stop me from honoring my love for you. We will find a way to persevere."
He took Yukari's hands in his once more. He gave them a gentle squeeze. Tom's tears had vanished, although remnants of them remained on his somewhat wet shirt and cheeks.
"...I can do it. We can do it."
"We will do it," she said, smiling some as she brought her head to his chest again, this time nuzzling against it. "We will do it."
Even so, Tom's words hung in Yukari's mind. She was not Kotori, but she was Nekovalkyrja. Did he fear her some, too? ... She was afraid to ask. She was no goddess, no matter what the fleet's enthralled crew thought of her.
Tom winced just a little at being nuzzled in his wound, but he didn't make a noise. He resumed rubbing her back gently, at times plucking his fingers and moving the tips along the entirety of the surface.
"S-so... how are you feeling?"
The question was routine, aimed at her physical condition, but prodding in its own innocent way.
She could feel him wince, feel the tightening muscles in his chest. She slipped a little farther down, and his fingers reached her neck, with one of her ears to his belly. " ... Peculiar. I am an anomaly to the crew here, being Neko but appearing human."
"I think everything is an anomaly to the crew here," he said offhandedly. "After all, they're almost a decade behind the times."
He let out a soft laugh, remembering his awkward time with the nurse, Kana.
"I've been hit on by a lot of nurses. They're treating me like I'm some kind of angel. I... suppose that isn't too far off, now that I'm holding the 'Goddess of the Lost' in my arms."
Yukari blinked at that, then narrowed her eyes. "I am not surprised," she said, the flattery not going over quite as Tom perhaps expected. "Neko of this era were more promiscuous, especially the medical staff. 'Tending to needs' was a common euphemism. Hmph ... Perhaps I should stay with you for the night."
"I would love that," he said, his hands wandering down and giving a 'reassuring' squeeze to her buttocks. Tom had demonstrated a lot of willpower just getting to this point without succumbing to sins of the flesh, and he allowed himself a little promiscuity at this point.
"I think I'd also love to give the 'Goddess' a nice, long bath."
For the first time in what felt like a very, very long time, Yukari giggled. Her mind was unsure how to process the feeling of such touching, but her body remembered, and how. She nuzzled a little more into his body, her chest in a conspicuous place, and her eyes starting to twinkle with greenish stars. "You are terrible," she said to his stomach, suddenly hiding her face, embarrassed.
Despite the obvious signs of his arousement, Tom bent his elbows, palms facing to the ceiling with a shrug.
"What can I say? An army of nurses could come in here and I'd just wave them off. After all, I have the most beautiful goddess of all right here."
His hands slid to the nape of her neck, where he found their ribbons tied to neck. Still there. Through everything, the ribbons remained, secure and steadfast.
"And," he added, his voice laced with seductive intent as he ran a finger across the ribbon. "You have me."
She shivered. And nearly growled. Uncontrollably, all of her frustration and pent-up energy rushed to her extremities, as if her legs and arms and fingers and lips had been jolted by aether itself. Flattery, hm? That was his device? Flattery? As well as a shrug? Like he was a fool? Yukari judged him to be one, as she felt something against her that said he was not so empty-headed about his condition. Or how cruel he was.
Her eyes found his again. Now he recognized her — those eyes burned at him. Furiously. "Not yet."
