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Approved Submission [NDC] Exodus Day

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Okay a few things
  • The summary section, don't just say it's a holiday, but hint at the nature of the holiday like "A holiday celebrated by the NDC to honor those who died during their exodus."
  • You used the kanji for month(月) twice when listing the date.
  • The part that is "((sometimes this would be a gymnasium))" is not needed
  • "...large black wall filled with graphene orbs forged from the fallen just like the memorial." ;I don't get this part you say the orbs are made from the fallen? Like as in made from their corpses?
  • "The students sit in rows going by grade and then their specific glass, with enough room for the Military guests to walk in between." ; I believe that is supposed to be class?
 
Hiya Syaoran
Thanks for picking this up for review, though it still needs FM approval.

So I went in to make corrections, and thank you for catching the typo!

I changed the orbs to Medallions and according to what Jack once mentioned, that a Funeral rite, which the page hasn’t been made yet, the NDC makes the medallions out of graphene which is made from the dead, like how we can make jewelry from a piece of hair strands, which is my understanding.
 
Okay, the reason I asked though is I'm assuming this is a one time occasion then? It's not an annual memorial? Or are they collecting the medallions up at the end of the ceremony for use next year? Just trying to get a clear picture.
 
I assume that if the fallen had families, they would want to keep the medallions, but if not, i don't see why they aren't collected for use next year.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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