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Approved Submission [Nepleslia] 12.7mm High-Power Infantry Rifle

SirSkully

SirSkully

🦊 FM of Neshaten
🦾 FM of Nepleslia
🎖️ Game Master
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=faction:nepleslia:weapons:high-power_infantry_rifle
Submission Faction(s)
  1. Nepleslia
Submission Terms
  1. I agree
@Legix and @Charmaylarg Dufrain so here's that beeg rifle I promised.

I apologize if there are any inconsistencies I have missed, been a while since I have submitted a weapon and this has gone through a few little revisions so point them out and I shall fix ^^

Also Char said he might do art of this at some point, for those curious about whether it'll get an image or not.
 
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Approved from Nep, Thought it could be a tad lighter because future materials. I've also gotten some references from skully in the past and will be making a model for this rifle at some point in the future~
 
I'll take this one on.

I think there needs to be some kind of max RoF or guidelines around the potential RoF - "for a well trained marksman, the H-PIR can be shot and cycled every X seconds. For an elite marksman who is very familiar with the weapon, ..." That would establish some kind of effective RoF without losing the flavor you're going for. As-is, if I missed the bolt-action part, I might think I could fire this as fast as I could wiggle my fingers.

The range is around twice the current record for a sniper kill, but it's the future so I don't mind this too much.

The "Weapon Mechanism" section is a little hard to read right now. When I run into this, I usually break that section into subsections instead of bullets. That lets you get more natural paragraphs. You'd have to write a bit more prose for some of the short sections to make this approach work. The alternative would be to try using a deeper nesting of bullets.

The initial paragraph and the 'Other' section need to be broken apart some for readability. There's some other run-on sentences throughout the article - give it a look over and see what you can do. Any that you miss, I'll take care of when the time comes.

All in all, very cool. There's enough info in the article that it feels real and well thought-out, which makes me happy. :)

Given that it's been around three days since the thread was posted, I'll do an official approval pass as soon as you've addressed the above.

Thanks for the submission!
 
It should be fixed up for the most part now, expanded on the ROF and fixed up the run-on sentences but rather than cut the firing mechanism into sections I just condensed it into what you need to know.

Hope that works?
 
Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki-style guidelines, including No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ✅ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

You can review my edits here: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?...h-power_infantry_rifle&rev=1589461275&do=diff Please make sure I didn't change anything that you're not okay with. :)

Approved!
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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