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Approved Submission [Nepleslia] NAM Terratech High Mobility Assault Armorsuit – “Slayer”

Firebrand

Well-Known Member
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=faction:nepleslia:technology:slayer
List Any Unapproved Sub-Articles
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:black_veil - Replacement for the removed Brainspammer
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:faction:nepleslia:weapons:heat_weapons - Updated, combat built and standardized versions of Hyper Induction technology
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:armor_pilebunker Dedicated close combat weapon for incapacitating high technology PA
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:pitbull Replacement for removed Nepleslian sniper/marksman weapons, using UMD canisters
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:gatecrasher a new squad support weapon meant to equip the Hostile so it can have squad level fire support without relying on an Aggressor
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:terrier Replacement for the VOID's old forearm grenade launchers.
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:shield_drones Updated version of the VOID's old Shield Drones with their own page.
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:fang_mgm Updated version of the Assault Ordinance Penetrator's guided missiles, with their own page
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:variable_speed_plasma_rifle Energy based fire support armament intended for the Aggressor, based on the Light Plasma Autocannon
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:wind_packs - Separate page for the three WIND Packs used by the Slayer
Submission Faction(s)
Nepleslia
Submission Terms
I agree
I didn't want to have to submit this while having so many of the subarticles and things that go into this unapproved, but I don't exactly have a choice in the matter. The Slayer is a planned successor to the AIR2 Lancer, incorporating many of the same design decisions on a new chassis that shares parts and technology with the Hostile, Aggressor, and VOID. It then adds in an interchangeable backpack to allow the Slayer to fill different roles within the same "High Speed Assault" context: High speed atmospheric and space flight; high speed ground assault; and high speed direct fire support.

As said when I was told to submit this: I have a bad feeling about this. Mostly for all the unapproved stuff on it, though the only unapproved articles unique to the Slayer and not updated stuff for Nepleslia or replacements for removed Nepleslian stuff are the APB and WIND Packs.

@Legix
 

Legix

FM of Nepleslia
I think we're going to need to get some of the other articles approved first. IIRC, the rule of thumb is that anything shared needs to be done separately but things that are unique to a submission (IE a gun cartridge for only one new gun) can be tackled in the initial submission.

I give a tentative FM Approval but first I want us to sort out which things can be with this and which ones need to be done separately; then I can reassess the submission itself and make sure my Approval has no reason to be recended.
 

Legix

FM of Nepleslia
@Legix have you and fire discussed what you feel needs to be changed from an FM standpoint before i start my review?
I didn’t mean we needed to discuss it as much as I hoped that the submission could be split as needed. If no NTSE want to break anything off, I’ll side with granting it for now. Everything seemed already from when I looked but I’m not NTSE.
 

Charmaylarg Dufrain

Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
Game Master
Alright. I had to give this a good few reads since there's alot here between the main article and sub articles. Very nice looking article, Fire!


Before i throw up the checklist heres a number of changes i'de like to see before we get to the official review.

Starting with the Slayer main article and then we'll move onto the sub-articles since theres a few of them. I promise as soon as the main article is done the sub-articles will fly right on by since they arent even half as long or busy as the main article.

So~

"The Slayer's most unique feature is its ability to utilize the three NAM WIND Equipment Packs that were developed alongside it. In truth, without the WIND Packs, the Slayer lacks firepower. " Is written rather meta and should be something along the lines of "The Slayer's most unique feature is its ability to utilize the three NAM WIND Equipment Packs that were developed alongside it to increase an otherwise desired lack of firepower". Or something along those lines.

"The armorsuit is notably asymmetrical, with a shield and three-barreled gun on the left side while only a close in weapons systems adorns its right arm. " Was likely meant to be written as "With a shield and three-barreled gun on the left arm"

In the first sentence of the history you have "Kuvexian Imperium" when its the "Interstellar Kingdom of Kuvexia"

Seeing as nepleslias are varried and many species. Could a listing in the armor size dictate if it is or is not suitable for Half or Full SOL's who are often taller than the 7 foot of this armor and would be helpful for GMs and readers?

"Display Visor HUD-03a " Should have a header.

"Na-M12-S4100Combined Shield System CPS-05s with technology:nepleslia:conformal_barrier|Conformal Barrier System " the link for the CBS should be a short-link.

@Firebrand please perform the changes or defend their current state and get back to me when you can. I have 10/22/2019 off as my day off this week and will be giving this article my full attention then for the checklist if these simple changes can be made.
 

Firebrand

Well-Known Member
Alright Char, I've made all the fixes- The Display Visor instead got preceded by an opening line in the section about how its part of the control system.
 

Charmaylarg Dufrain

Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
Game Master
This checklist if for the Slayer itself and not yet the sub articles:


[ ❌ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.



The only thing missing is that the namespace for the slayer should be in the "wip:faction:nepleslia:equipment:" namespace like other nep PA.

Ill give the slayer a passing grade and it will be approved when the sub articles it relies on are approved.


The following reviews are for sub-articles and have not received FM approval. @Legix or @Ametheliana will have to stamp these individually.

THey all seem well written and generally free of spelling errors and are all template compliant but are missing apprival and there are some namespace issues.

This review is for the HEAT WEAPONS article:
[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ /] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ❌ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ❌ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.


"weapons a re a dull metallic grey." has an odd space in in the "Are"

"H.E.A.T Weapons are powered by the powered armors utilizing them. When not held by one, the weapons have an internal battery that can operate for up to 10 seconds. " Can you describe how the PA powers it? Like if it has a Zaku style cable that runs into it. If by some electronic force the energy travels through the armor to power it like a wireless charger, Or however you pictured it? Also power armored indipendently powered weapons have some remarkable power consumption times. I think you can go over 10 seconds for an internal battery (Or no battery at all and its just powered by the PA. As nobody short of a SOL would be able to weild one otherwise.)

(This one isnt a mandatory requirement, Just an observation)
Many of these weapons are very un-nepleslian from an insiders point of view. A pole axe or saber doesnt quite fit their aesthetic as say: Some kind of mace or hammer (You dont have to make these, I know those arent bladed weapons. Im just saying neps like the crunch) or a battle axe.

This sub article will be considered Approved when it gets an FM stamp and when the minor changes are met.


This review is for the Armor Pile Bunker

[ X ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ X ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

The article should be in the wip:faction:nepleslia:weapons: namespace.

This article will be approved upon theFM cadres stamp

This review is for the Pitbull

[ ❌ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ❌ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

The pitbull needs Fm approval/

it also needs to be in the wip:nepleslia:weapons: namespace.

This review is for the Gatecrasher.

[ ❌ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ❌ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ❌ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

wip:faction:nepleslia:weapons: should be the namespace for this one.

You reference the bulldog but it should be linked as well.

It also needs FM approval

This review is fort the Terrier

[ ❌ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ❌ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

wip:faction:nepleslia:weapons: should be the namespace for this one.

also needs FM approval.

This review is for the Shield drones

[ ❌ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ❌ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

wip:faction:nepleslia:equipment should be the namespace for this one.

you mis-spelled a couple things like sids (Sides). And there are some sentences that do not start with a capitalization

Damage capacity should be linked to the DRv3 Page.

@Firebrand ive run out of time in the day to do the Fang, VSPR, and WIND packs. I will be posting this and doing those tomorrow to make sure i dont have to re-type all of this if my computer does a bork.

all the sub-articles so far have minor issues that are almost exclusively namespace related and are quick fixes.
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
For the wind packs, can you replace "armor" for the word "slayer" (in cases such as "...manually fitted to the Slayer's back hardpoints...") so that the wiki can give the appearance of modularity for other armors? Not all of the instances should be changed. For instance, "This leaves the Slayer reliant on the weapons it carries..." would not need that change as other armors may not need to only carry that, though they might. I would change it to "armors like the Slayer" in that instance, though. Let me know in the thread if I have assumed too much and these are only for the Slayer.

The Wind/Scirocco pack can use the Fang but the Fang only lists the NAM Assault Ordinance Projector AOP-02a (which doesn't mention wind or scirocco) as a system that uses it. Please correct this.

List the variance of damage tier on the wind article's fang section of armaments. Currently it says "Damage: Varies depending on Warhead" which means a player not familiar with it might skip past usage of it out of laziness (it happens) rather than know just what it can do.

The Fang could use the note that its inspo article (NAM Assault Ordinance Projector AOP-01a) got next to its muzzle velocity: "(constant boosting makes the round lose fuel quickly)"

Make those changed and FM approved for the Wind and Fang. VSPR approved.

Blackveil was approved by Syaoran, it doesn't need to be here.

The HEAT weapons, yes I said it without periods... Should not have periods after each letter in the acronym in the page AND HEAT should be in the title. If you want this to replace other handheld weapons and see use, it needs to be iconic. A period after each letter doesn't equal iconic. People will feel a little bad writing it differently than the wiki has in RP and may use the periods only to get lazy (it happens!) and stop using it altogether. An acronym doesn't necessitate periods behind each letter, so scrap the periods and you have approval from me.

About those HEAT weapons: there should be a way to manually turn them to standby (that does not glow orange) while they are around PA so the glowy orange doesn't give away positions.

What is a Seibah? Please link to a wikipedia article on it since that's not an orthodox weapon that we can all guesstimate the look and feel of.

The packs are not linked in the Slayer article where they should be. The first instance of Sirocco should be linked, etc, even if the wind pack is linked elsewhere.

You'll have to explain the shield's sub-arm or draw a sketch some time before art is made, because I can't wrap my head around it in the way I think you envision it.

Put text/prose between the nomenclature info, discharge info, and weapon mechanism and the bullet points on pilebunker.

Is the length for the pilebunker for both versions of itself, handheld and armor integrated?

Pilebunker is approved with hope those changes get made in the article.

Just want to say: if I ask for changes, change them in the wiki- don't explain them here. If you don't want to make a change, explain why here.

I, like Char, can't get through them all today.
 

Firebrand

Well-Known Member
For HEAT Weapons, I went with what bladed weapons traditionally were used against armored targets- I'm also working on a counterpart that uses Push/Pull tech to make advanced bludgeoning weapons, since the hyper induction tech would be lost.

The WIND Packs are only for the Slayer, Ame. I thought the opening paragraph saying that they were designed alongside and to equip the Slayer made that clear.

Otherwise, I made the changes asked for and clarified things.
 

Charmaylarg Dufrain

Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
Game Master
OK! Imma just throw out one checklist for all these combined instead of doing.... that...Again, Since all the changes have been made it should be fine.


[ ❌ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ❌ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

@Firebrand the final changes are stupid-easy and shouldnt take you but a moment. All are namespace related with the exception of whatever articles @Ametheliana couldnt get to for FM stamping. ( Pitbull, Terrier, and the VSPL) alternately @Legix can also review and stamp those if he finds the time~

As for namespace changes tho:

The Terrier, Variable Speed Plasma Rifle, Fang MGM, Pitbull, And Gatecrasher should all be in the "wip:faction:nepleslia:weapons:" namespace.

The WIND packs and Shield Drones should be in the "wip:faction:nepleslia:equipment:" namespace.

These are the final set of requested changes from me that i can find.
 

Firebrand

Well-Known Member
I just want to clarify if, outside of my character on the Artemis, there's going to be any actual player use of this?
 

Charmaylarg Dufrain

Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
Game Master
We cant force anyone to use anything on site. It all depends on the tools the GM decides to use.

But If you build it, They will come applies. Nobodies going to use it ever if you never made it~

That being said we're still waiting on the final FM stamps and the sub articles will be approved.




Because we're this far in im going to go ahead and move the slayer to approved on the wiki but not the approved sub-forum since we're still waiting on other submissions in this thread.

I will also be adding the Slayer to the nepleslian technology encyclopedia, And adding it to NAM as a third generation power armor. As this is the newest powered armor we've had in a while and is the start of a new generation, Unless you would prefer that it remains otherwise and/or be linked somwhere else feel free to add it to the wiki where it needs be with permission from the authors of those wiki pages.

If you wish for it to remain on the terratech 3rd generation list please add a simple description to it that you feel fits the armor best~
 

Firebrand

Well-Known Member
I think it should count as a 2.5 generation- Third generation stuff should be things that incorporate tech from the Lorath, like the Scythe.
 

Legix

FM of Nepleslia
I'm voting as third generation, because our third generation PA aren't all REQUIRING foreign tech. At least, I hope not.

Overall, largely agree with FM approvals I've seen so far. Pitbull looks fine, Terrier looks fine (though the Terrier needs typo fixing, as I saw missing punctuation and the like), and assuming Char meant the VSPR, the VSPR looks fine.

The Vila/Shield Drone, too, gets approval since I don't think it did from anyone else. However, I do think it'd be good if it was beefed up a bit; as is, it comes off barebones, currently, despite being fully functional as an item for use (IMO).
 

Firebrand

Well-Known Member
Well, I don't want to make the Vila too powerful, because its purely just a modernized version ofthe Void's shield drones, and that has 12 of them.
 

Legix

FM of Nepleslia
Well, I don't want to make the Vila too powerful, because its purely just a modernized version ofthe Void's shield drones, and that has 12 of them.
I meant beefed up as in description and system portrayal. I'm fine with them being more or less just modernized. It's just the wiki page feels very barren.
 

Charmaylarg Dufrain

Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
Game Master
Seeing as the final requirement (the FM approvals) have been given. Im keen to move the sub-articles to being approved.

Please remember to back-link all these articles to avoid them being considered Orphaned articles. And move them to their permenant destinations on the wiki (IE: Technology encyclopedias, equipment pages, Weapons lists for corporations-etc.).

As well as the new Power Armor weapons and systems list wes wants us to start adding to, Should you feel inclined.


[ ✅ ] 1. State clearly that the article is approved in the submission thread
[ ✅ ] 2. Move the wiki article to its permanent (destination) location on the wiki
[ ✅ ] 3. Move the submission thread to the Approved Submissions subforum or get a moderator to
[ ✅ ] 4. Edit the article to add a link to the approval thread in the OOC Notes section
[ ✅ ] 5. Remind the submitter to link to the newly-approved page wherever it makes sense to do so.
 
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