Approved Character new character for review

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ch ... :riko_bors

here you go review away!

A number of issues here:

• Yamataian is not linked
• Star Army of Yamatai is not linked
• Star Army Infantry is not linked (Light???)
• Santo Hei is not linked.

Not quite sure what you mean by Star Army Infantry Light since I don't believe Yamatai has light infantry.

Also, I do believe Yamatai has issues with Mercenaries in general, so I'm unsure whether Yamatai would appriciate one of its own becoming a merc or not, but that's something I'll leave up to the other char mods to speak on, given how they've been doing this longer than I have.

Your character also only has six skill areas listed when he could have seven.

Kyle is right, the Empire does not like mercenaries.

Should remove the leadership, he's a beginning character, he can learn and demonstrate that as he matures.

What you call military is survival and ground navigation

Also just an FYI, the Aeon is not taking any more Infantry.

Now, now. Lets not overwhelm the new guy.

I see some kind soul seems to have intervened and provided linkage for the article.

The Aeon may be full, but there should be a spot for this guy in the Eucharis if you can survive the hectic posting rate.

The story seems to have been changed somewhat since the mods last looked at it, so I'll just comment on what I've read.

For starters, smoking is apparently a severe criminal offense in Yamatai, most of the ones that do do it are usually Nepleslian immigrants with a dark, unwatched corner and a smoke extractor.

Traditional tattoos for hemosynth based species like Yamataians are impossible, however you were smart to mention the burning with a blowtorch thing. Another possible way for him to get that effect would be with volumetric projection on the skin, however I'm not entirely certain if Yamataian's can do that.

With your character being thirty years old, but the Yamataian body only created four or five years ago he would probably be a Geshrin before he swapped to a new body. Just an added bit of backstory if you want it.

Oh yeah, and crime is also apparently rare in Yamatai. Most of your characters mercenary work would most likely have been either in Nepleslia or out in the far colonies. The SAoY doesn't like any organized force with guns on their turf but them, so mercs are either extremely careful/low profile or dead while in YSE.

Well, that's about all from me. Be sure to come on IRC sometime if you have any questions or just want to chat. Don't worry, we don't bite.

ok first of Thank you kind soul for properly linking the things that needed to be properly linked.

secondly, made a few more adjustments taking in what has been posted above and i think i almost got it/have got it, anyway have another look if need be.

though one question did pop into mind, I’ve been reading some other character sheets and such and is it possible to make him two different occupations such as infantry and armorer? cause if so i could do that, guns are a hobby of his after all.

Actually NH-Series life forms, NH-22, 29, 31 and 33 can have genetic tattoos.

The genetic tattoos are supposed to be barcodes and such, though, basically marker information. SAoY soldiers aren't supposed to have tattoos.

Actually there is no restriction on having a tattoo in the SAOY. There are already quite a number of NH-22s who have Genetic tattoos the only way they can have one because of the body's regeneration.

I thought for sure that Wes had put in the SAoY a rule about actual art-like tattoos. Maybe I'm remembering something else.

I asked Wes about it, other than offensive ones, which he said a CO could order a character to remove.

i wasent planning on them being offensive, more of something tribal with a military twist, or just flat out military ones with crossed rifles (hes infantry afterall) or something like that, also a few ones regarding his former merc status, nothing offensive

Which is fine.

Yeah, I was going to say... I have a character (in Aeon) who has a kanji tattoo'ed on his back and this never came up as an issue. Though, I admit he's Yamataian and not Neko.

not to be pushy or anything, but now that the tattoo issue is out of the way, is there anything i need to fix for the approval process to move on?

Not pushy at all. I think if there are no other issues raised by the end of today, we'll approve your character and get you started.

Couple little things.

Still need to make your user page, though that's not a big deal.

You need to go through and pick out all of the slashes that are misplaced.

The blowtorch idea for tattoos is silly, to be honest. Either it would regenerate all of the way, and the tattoos would be gone, or it would burn, and need medical attention, in which case they'd probably just fix it entirely with the same result. Genetic tattoos are the only really feasible way for anyone in the NH series to have tattoos.

You only have six skills, and you can (and should) pick up the seventh. It's a great way to flesh out a character.

Last... To be honest, I'm still not very happy with the mercenary backstory. I understand what you're going for, but with the background you want it would make more sense to just make a Nepleslian, have him be part of one of the various factions that was destroyed at some point during their fighting, and just come up with a reason for him to move to Yamatai. It would be a bit less out of the ordinary, and less likely to annoy superiors in the SAoY. A bit.

Am with Aendri on the point about the mercenary background. It sounds Nepleslian because most (like 99.99998%) citizens believe that the best and most reliable form of armed force. Followed closely by law enforcement organizations like the police and Forest Rangers.

I'd be happy to work with you or, in the likely event my knowledge is not enough, direct you to one of the older Nepleslian lore-masters.

ok-doke-loki, made more changes also trasformed him into a Nepleslian, and also got rid of the merc idea and changed it into a crime ring thingy, also now just regular tats....and made a user page. all fun to do when sick..

I think one question I have is why he didn't just enlist in the Nepleslian military right off the bat?

I grant that it may not have come to his attention at the time but the option always existed and nothing's been said on why that option was rejected/not considered.