[NPC Race] Moonies

[Kai]

Moonies.

Moonies are a crazy little race of Neurotic sentient lizards, meant to be used as NPC's simply to add flavor to the setting.

Their primary role would be to be seen aboard ships in Independent plots, or perhaps as random aliens found on worlds more prone to having them.

 

[Jimmy]

Kai originally told me about these last year, since then I've been begging him to bring them over to SARP. I find the idea of a tiny raptor-like beastie trying to shove itself in the space between the fridge and the wall to be hilarious.

 

[Kai]

Any comments or questions about this race? It's an NPC race I intend to use in the YSS Genesis plot, so input is quite valuable.

 

[Wes]

This review is for: Moonies

The submitted article is/has…
[X] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ ] Artwork (illustrations are required for Starships, Vehicles, Hand weapons or Small Arms, Uniforms for military forces or large corporations and new alien species not from the race of the day CCG)
[X] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[X] In the proper format/template
[X] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[X] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[ ] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link) Page is a dead end
[X] No red and/or broken links
[X] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[X] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[X] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[X] Obtusely redundant
[NA] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[NA] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[X] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[X] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ ] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners) "About" section is blank
[X] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ ] Lacking Detail Clothing?
[X] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[NA] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[NA] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[NA] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[NA] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary

Remove second-person language; add wiki links where relevant; fill in "About" Section.

STATUS: PENDING

I intend to finish this review by: June 30, 2011

 

[Kai]

changed the language, added in the only link I could think of that was relevant for now. that red link, and what I put in the 'about' section are placeholders for when these are actually discovered by my plotship.

 

[Wes]

Approved.

Artwork would make this page 100% better.

 

[Kai]

Thank you.

And I 100% agree with you, but I am somewhat lacking in funds for the moment.