Firebrand
Inactive Member
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[origin] Armored Pilot Suit
- Thread starter Firebrand
- Start date
ilot_suit
Just to note, the Current use of this suit doesn't do much flying when in atmosphere, preferring to stay on the ground, so parachutes and stuff won't be needed. I'm also assuming rations and the like would be carried in the cockpit of the vehicle this suit would be used in, and if a pilot used this suit for something that DOES fly, they could easily just put on an external parachute.
Vesper
Inactive Member
This review is for: Origin Armored Pilot Suit
The submitted article is/has…
[ ] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ ] Artwork (illustrations are strongly encouraged for all spacecraft and handheld items)
[*] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[*] In the proper format/template
[*] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[*] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[*] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[*] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[*] Reasonably neutral point of view
The submitted article is/does not…
[ ] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[ ] Obtusely redundant
[ ] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[ ] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[ ] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ ] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[ ] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ ] Lacking Detail
The article has…
[N/A] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[*] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[*] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[ ] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.
Summary: The following three (3) items in the checklist are not satisfied:
* No topic sentence (i.e. something like "The Pilot Suit is a spacesuit intended for use in Origin Mecha and fightercraft").
* No Artwork. However, the design is simple enough (and has sufficient detail) that I think a reader can get a fairly good idea what it looks like. In any event this is not a discqualifing lack in non-ship submissions.
* Standard Product Nomenclature System not followed.
Once these items are resolved I do not see any reason that this submission should not be approved.
Notes: In regards to concerns that the submission lacks certain ammenties/safety features, as the submitter stated this was intential. If anything, I can see a potential RP benifit from their exclusion ("Armor Pilot In Near-Fatal Crash. Sues Origin Industries, Claims Critical Safety Features Ommited.")
The submitted article is/has…
[ ] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ ] Artwork (illustrations are strongly encouraged for all spacecraft and handheld items)
[*] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[*] In the proper format/template
[*] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[*] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[*] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[*] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[*] Reasonably neutral point of view
The submitted article is/does not…
[ ] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[ ] Obtusely redundant
[ ] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[ ] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[ ] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ ] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[ ] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ ] Lacking Detail
The article has…
[N/A] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[*] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[*] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[ ] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.
Summary: The following three (3) items in the checklist are not satisfied:
* No topic sentence (i.e. something like "The Pilot Suit is a spacesuit intended for use in Origin Mecha and fightercraft").
* No Artwork. However, the design is simple enough (and has sufficient detail) that I think a reader can get a fairly good idea what it looks like. In any event this is not a discqualifing lack in non-ship submissions.
* Standard Product Nomenclature System not followed.
Once these items are resolved I do not see any reason that this submission should not be approved.
Notes: In regards to concerns that the submission lacks certain ammenties/safety features, as the submitter stated this was intential. If anything, I can see a potential RP benifit from their exclusion ("Armor Pilot In Near-Fatal Crash. Sues Origin Industries, Claims Critical Safety Features Ommited.")
Firebrand
Inactive Member
a lot of other approved stuff doesnt have a topic sentance. This doesnt need one. Especially seeing as how the title explains it all.
And I asked for art, the only reason I couldn't get it is because the artist asked for 25 dollars.
And the nomenclature system doesnt apply to this, I think.
And I asked for art, the only reason I couldn't get it is because the artist asked for 25 dollars.
And the nomenclature system doesnt apply to this, I think.
Vesper
Inactive Member
By topic setence, I don't mean a sentence under the topic per se. I mean a initial sentence that tells the reader what the whole thing is about as "pilot suit" is somewhat ambiguous. All I am looking for is something like "The Amored Pilot Suit is a space-capable suit intended for use with Origin Industries mecha and fighters. It was designed...". I don't think I am being unreasonable to ask for a topic sentence.
With the art, as I said it is not a problem. I understand that it can be difficult for those of us that are not artists (myself included) to get art for submissions.
For the nomenclature thing, I will give you that since there is, at the moment, only one pilot suit manufactured by Origin so there is not really anything to confuse it with.
So, the only thing left is a topic sentence.
With the art, as I said it is not a problem. I understand that it can be difficult for those of us that are not artists (myself included) to get art for submissions.
For the nomenclature thing, I will give you that since there is, at the moment, only one pilot suit manufactured by Origin so there is not really anything to confuse it with.
So, the only thing left is a topic sentence.
