• If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 April 2024 is YE 46.3 in the RP.

RP: YSS Kaiyō Post-Mission Thirteen: Feeling's Just a Word


Well-Known Member
Planet Yamatai
Uesureyan Fields
YSS Kaiyō II

Collecting the last of her things in a small duffel bag in her cabin aboard the Kaiyō, Eden was alone. She zipped up the bag and placed both hands on it. She bent her head and sighed out and a choked breath was pulled in shortly after. Not wanting to keep faltering in her breathing, she took a deep breath in as she closed her eyes. She let out another sigh, this time more controlled and longer.

It was then that Boss said out to the XO, "You have a visitor."


Boss replied to Eden, "Indeed. May she enter?"

"I asked her to come today," Eden said, "it would be imprudent to not let her. Yes, let her enter."

Turning on her heel to face the door, she thought it lucky she hadn't slipped into a more casual outfit yet. After all, this was business. As usual.

A break of routine, it wasn't common for her to be summoned, especially alone, for anything. She did her job efficiently and with a level head, at least that's what she would think of her recent actions. Then again, that may simply be what this was about, but once more that did little to sate the fire in her belly. What was she to receive, a warning for overstepping rank boundaries? Entirely possible, but she would simply apologize and promise to not do it again if that was the case. If it was praise, rewards, or promotions? She didn't know what to do in that case.

She had received promotions before, but she had never been called forth to receive them, she was always on a list of such things alongside others. She could stare at the words that held little meaning to her and take the momentary hassle of updating her patches and other relevant information. Ranks, they were titles, little names that people called her that wasn't her name. She considered 'Traumapatcher' another title that wasn't her, it was a job, one that she did not choose. Of all the letters and numbers and titles that defined her, only 'Care' was valued in her mind.

But she never dared to correct anyone on such things. Whether they called her by her title or a mix of title and name or what have you, she responded all the same. The door slid open, and she looked up towards Eden, taking a few steps in with a pregnant pause. She was still in uniform, rigid and monotone, the invasive flicking of her eyes as she glanced about the room and at Eden being the only lively part about her.

"You asked to see me, Shosa?"

Eden nodded with certainty. The previous moments' hiccup in breathing was replaced by the stoic officer she was taught to be.

"That I did," the Shosa said. "Please, take a seat," she motioned to one of the two chairs beside her desk. Her eyes hovered over the packed duffel, then to Care. "Do you plan to join the crew at the festival going on?"

There was a moment of hesitation in Care as she glanced over to the chairs, before sluggishly shifting into motion towards them, resumingher more practiced and mechanical motions to take a seat. It was an odd question, one that Care hadn't really thought on very much, and there was a greater pause before she responded. It seemed as if there would be some form of nervous inhale before she responded, but no breath came, even as she spoke.

"No, I don't believe I will."

"I have reason to believe a small group will also be going to Kyoto where microapartments are available for staying." Eden tried to gauge Care's needs and added, "Alternatively, you can stay on the ship during its small maintenance and before we get further orders."

"I don't believe I'd be interested in an apartment, even if only for such a short time. It's a change of environment but not much more." She admitted after a moment. "Unfortunately I don't have many needs or wants that would lead me off of the ship without reason." She paused, her mouth hanging open momentarily. "Unless you were to request me to leave for that time period, of course."

Eden swiveled slightly in the chair, letting her black brows crease gently towards one another as she shook her hime-cut black hair.

"That is not the case," Eden said. "These are simply options for you to undertake at your own volition. Shore leave is yours to do with as you please. We aren't always afforded the option of staying in our own beds for it, so I am used to leaving the Kaiyō in technicians' and logistics' hands. It's lucky many of the crew get to rest and relax here, where they're comfortable." She gave a terse laugh, almost only an exhalation, then said as her eyes settled on Care's own glowing blue ones, "Look after her while I'm gone."

Care listened with odd interest, and as Eden met eyes with Care, she almost immediately looked away, an unwillingness or inability to meet her gaze. "I don't sleep, it's not a matter of where my bed is." She replied with the still voice she had almost perfected. "Is something wrong, Eden? I'm more than willing to help with any emotional burdens as well as physical." It was clear that she was shifting the subject.

Eden took a long breath in while a wan smile formed, as if inflating herself up to hold the expression in place.

"We're here to talk about you," she redirected. Giving Care a little more to work with, she said, "Tell me about the mission before we were in the Himiko System. When we were on Planet H, and then, the Palm."

She felt a heat in her chest appear and drop into her gut, a direction she didn't want it to go. Of course it was about her, why else would she be called here? She could feel the facade in the twitches and shifts of Eden's face, the breaths of facades were things she knew all too well. She wanted to talk about the planet and the Palm? Alright, they would talk about it. She began to speak quickly, and it was clear that was no buildup of thoughts, it was simply coming from Care.

"I made improper judgements of what the hourly bursts in the planet would be and improperly commanded the exterior Kraken team to land in case of MINDY failure. This resulted in the death of a Nitô Hei. I found nothing of notice or value in my scans and overwatch of the planet. On the Palm I should have seen greater care to the wounded rather than acting as a leading combatant. I acted on personal feelings rather than rational ones and neglected my duties as a medic, which I resumed upon the complete capture of the ship."

"Do you feel," Eden asked, "that your duties as a leader could in the future supersede your roles as a medic?"

"I am a Medic, and that is my sole purpose. I was created for it, and it was the information I knew upon creation. I know how to be a Medic, I don't know the first thing about being a leader and honestly I'm quite shocked that anyone even looked to me for guidance there, much less asked me directly for an objective." There was a flair of emotion as her small rant went on.

"Learning those things takes time and patience, but most of all it takes a willingness to learn them." There was no question in Eden's statement, but that didn't mean she didn't want a response from Care.

Care hated the burning in her chest and gut that sweltered and broiled, no sense of escape or release upon it. She knew how it felt, and she knew how it would feel, dying to an ache over the hours that never quite felt like it was over, and even as it passed it would hold a knot where her chest once was. "Why do you do this?" The question was practically out of left field, it was irrelevant, but its context could mean a few things. "I mean, why do you wake up in the morning? What drives you day to day?" Her head shifted with discomfort, invisible bones she didn't have felt tight in her neck.

"What makes you, you?"

The answer came simply and quickly, "I have a wife and daughter. I wake up day to day to do what I do for them. Before them, I was driven to do it for the Empire and that alone."

"You do it for family then." She reiterated with a small nod. It was the answer she was looking for, but she wasn't surprised when it didn't satisfy her. Her eyes shifted and clicked as they stared off and focused on various bits of nothing, trying to force the gears of her mind into working. "What do you think of me, Shosa? When you think of Care, what comes to mind?" Her tone was off, a weakness that prevented the solidified dignity of her usual voice. "-I'm sorry, these are odd questions."

"An identity is not always a self-concept so much as a process of amalgamation," Eden replied. "I can understand the need for asking such a question. One of the first things I think of is that you are now a Jôtô Heisho. Congratulations on the promotion." She gave pause, but not enough for Care to respond, and continued, "You are someone who has shown me prowess on the battlefield. i do not think you are of the same ability level in other areas of life, such as companionship nor hospitality. Those things aren't required to be a good person and good soldier, though. Not invariably, but occassionally, they can cause more harm han good."

Despite the rise in rank to something reserved for some of the most experienced enlisted soldiers, the promotion was met with... Nothing. A false blink with a false eyelids, and she shifted her gaze once more. More patches, another title.

"Thank you, Shosa." Her facial plates retained their stillness, and her thoughts only remained on why she had received it. She had rose in rank before and each time she had acted as if she deserved it, striving forth with the intention to at least give the impression that she deserved it. But the promotions didn't stop, and here she was now.

She remembered other talks she had, instructions from Miles to learn more about the culture of Yamatai and everything else, to find hobbies or anything of value. How could she hold this title? She could barely grasp the simple aspects of Yamatai's culture and people. She had debated on picking up painting, but she dropped the idea when she figured that it would only get in other peoples way.

Care said, "I'll act responsibly for the rank and its values."

"I believe you will," Eden told her. "That aside, how do you view yourself? Can you answer the question you posed me, 'When you think of Care, what comes to mind?"'

"No, I cannot answer that question."

Her response came quickly, there was little hesitation if any at all. There was some form of release in admitting it, like invisible stress somewhere had been released by some amount, and it took her a moment to put together why. She didn't talk about these things. She did, however, come to a conclusion that she shared with Eden.

"I don't know who I am."

"I guess," Eden said after she had looked away, to the planted peace lily in a corner, "that is why we have other people to remind us of who we are."

"I want to know." Care clarified after a moment, she wasn't satisfied with Eden's answer. Eden described her rank, her proficiency on the field and a statement on her lack of social skills. If that was what Eden saw, then that what was Care was putting across, but even still it didn't feel right, she felt as if she was something more yet at the same time she could not find a single word to describe herself.

"I look at the crew and almost all of them look like they have something big figured out, like they know their purpose or have a cause to fight, something to look forward to. It must be nice having something like that, knowing what they want to do. I've got no idea at all, I just go from one day to the next."

"There is no hidden truth," Eden said, "that I know of."

"Then how do they do it? How are they just, okay with it all?" What was 'it all?' She wasn't sure, it could be many things, it was probably everything. She stopped suddenly, she realized that her voice had raised a small amount, and she looked to the ground suddenly. This wasn't Eden's problem. She was summoned here to be rewarded for her efforts, not to rant at Eden. "I apologize, Shosa."

Eden had looked back to Care just as the Type 3 looked away and said, "I can tell your namesake is not a misnomer; you really care. One thing you don't have, from what I gather, is hope." She let that word end her statement, waiting for Care's assessment of herself and the word's meaning to her.

Hope. Hope. It was something she had considered before, but ultimately she decided that it was something that she simply couldn't pick up or order from whatever delivery service would be sent with their supply drops. It was intagible, and thus in a way it was out of reach, she couldn't break down emotions into their core values and refine a gram of hope. "I hate this body." She surprised herself, really, because she hadn't planned on saying it, and she most certainly didn't have the time to filter it.

"I do not believe that changing bodies will fix anything, but it's a start. This hardware is useless, I cannot express emotions the way my software needs to, there aren't even suppressors for them. I want to be something that's not this."

"Yamatai," Eden said, surprising herself by the lack of shock she felt hearing this from Care, "offers Nekovalkyrja bodies to all of its citizens, the NH-33, the same class of body I inhabit, is the option you would be given." Her shoulders leaned forward and she put her hands on her knees, sitting closer to Care. "Is that what you are looking for your future to hold?"

"No." It was a simple answer, she had thought about it and quite simply it was something that went too far. She was uncomfortable changing her body, but at this point it was a neccesity, changing to a biological modified body like a Nekovalkyrja was too much of a change, and the last thing she needed right now was another shock of her systems.

"I plan on making my own, and would like permission to do so. I would attempt to keep the parts out of the way of others, and would pay for all the parts myself. I have no belief that this will cause me any budget issues, I have not spent any of my salary since I joined Yamatai's Star Army."

"Then there will be no difficulty for you, but despite that, if you run into financial trouble, I will acquisition funds if needed and can also put you into contact with a technician or two, if you find you need assistance. I am behind this opportunity you have presented yourself with, Care." Her hands moved forward and held Care's. This may be the first and last time she held this pair of hands in hers. "Thank you for doing this for yourself."

Her current hands were silicon, that much was obvious, segmented and soft tissues designed to fold in on itself with little issue. They were cold and firm, and incredibly still as she softly held Eden's hands. "I just want to be what everyone sees me as, like I've earned what I have. I'll try to keep it from getting in the way of my work until it is done."

"The fabrication bay where Chlorate was built will work for making your own new body, no doubt," Eden said, gripping Care's hands before letting go and shifting noticeably until she was hugging Care. She said close to Care's shoulder and ear, "I believe you when you say 'it's a start.'"

Care wasn't fully aware of this feeling, this odd and incredulous feeling of comfort that rose from being within Eden's arms, but after a moment she softly embraced her as well. She was thankful that Eden could not see her face, but she couldn't bear to look her in the eye. There was a feeling, stronger than ever that ranted and raved at her through her mind, the boiling pits next to her eyes, the urge she identified as the need to cry. Oh how she wished she had tear ducts, but she only had to go a short time longer without them.

"Thank you." It was soft, but most importantly it was free from the verbal singular tone she spoke with, it was real, it was emotional, it showed the weakness in her voice.

Loosening the hug and moving back to take her seat, Eden nodded and after a quiet moment of reflection, as able to speak.

"Knowing your future holds promise," she rephrased, "knowing it holds hope is certanly something to be thankful for. I wish your endeavors to meet the future's promises with hope, and care, in your heart succeed."

Care was unsure if she could ever fill the hopes that Eden laid out for her, but a part of her knew that reaching them wasn't the point. Eden wasn't that kind of person, it was whether or not she reached for them that mattered. Moving to take her leave, she gave a brief bow. "Thank you for your time, Shosa."