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Rejected Character Ray Florian

F

Flesh Hound

Inactive Member
Name: Ray Florian

General Information

Species: Nepleslian
Gender: Male
Age: 19

Family (or Creators):
Father: Steve Florian (alive)
Stepfather: Will Smith (alive)
Mother: Lora Smith (alive)
Younger Brother: Josh Florian (alive)
Sister: Rose Florian (the youngest and still alive)

Employer: Ygg with ken
Occupation: Mercenary
Rank: Itto Hei
Current Assignment:

Physical Characteristics

Height: 5'10"
Weight: 145 lb.


Build and Skin Color: Ray is very muscular with pale white skin.
Facial Features and Eye Color: Ray has brown eyes.
Hair color and Style: Ray has long brown oily hair.

Distinguishing Features:
He wears glasses and often forgets to shave so he looks somewhat rugged. Ray also has a stiff eye gaze rather than eye contact. Also he is colorblind and is often bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see. Ray often has difficulty remembering the date (day, month and year) and is usually seen holding his left side in pain for he has kidney stones. He was diagnosed with seizures known as epilepsy although at the age of six he went through surgery for an implant called a vagus nerve stimulator. This prevents him from having any seizures. The implant is located just under his left collarbone showing as a huge scar from his neck reaching across his chest.
Author: There is such a thing called a vagus nerve stimulator if you have seizures you may want to look into this. I will help you any way I can. (Doctor, hospital you name it.) Most people with this device don't need medication. I have read an article of a man that had a lethal seizure. (His lunges collapsed and heart ruptured.) Don't let this be you.


Psychological Characteristics

Personality:
He has a calm personality and is only agitated when provoked. Ray has a grate sense of pride for his work and feels ashamed of himself when he makes a mistake or when he is late. Ray has asperger's syndrome also known as autism. Ray is very lonely yet strangely happy like this. He often finds the world a confusing place and can repeatedly focus on small details and fail to see the overall picture of what is happening. He frequently talks incessantly without knowing the boredom of the listener. Has poor social skills and also has difficulties in forming conversations. (He never calls his grandparents.) Ray can not read social cues and lacks the desire to share personal information and experiences with others. Although he is disabled he is so full of pride that the last thing he would do is go on a disability claim.

Likes: His interests are wrestling, coaching and working out.
Dislikes: Will not tolerate interruptions or disrespect. Because of his condition he is prohibited to use any alcohol or dairy products.
Goals: His goal is to be a professional wrestler or a wrestling coach and to overcome his disabilities.

History

His birth was very complicated and he was close to death. The day he was born into this world his uncle died in a motorcycle accident while trying to get to the hospital. While at the age of five his parents divorced. When he was six his mother married his stepfather. Also at this point in time, he was given an implant unfortunately the battery life was limited and only lasts for seven years. (He has had surgery twice and is do next year.) He started wrestling at his high school at the age of fourteen, and while eighteen he was drafted in to the military. While nineteen he deserted the army and went rogue. This forced him to become a mercenary to avoid the military police.

Skills:

Asperger's: Ray has rote memory (Learning information without understanding.) this can be a strength or weakness. He is skillful in math at an unnatural level yet he can't spell correctly.

Colorblind: He can see camouflage (For example a cowboy would look green, yellow and purple.) yet black and white print is somewhat difficult.

Fighting and Physical: Ray wrestled for four years in high school and was state champ for two years. He was also given weapons training within the military.

Survival: Ray learned land navigation, shelter construction and hunting while in military training.

Driving: The law clearly states that you are unable to drive if you have had a seizure within the past four years. Knowing this Ray is a very careful driver and has never broken the law.

Construction: Ray learned carpentry from working with his stepfather. (door installing, roofing, tile and cabinets)
 
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I'm afraid you're going to need a bit more work before I can consider this character for approval or denial.

Please post your contact information in the discussion forum and refer to the CCG for more information.

Here's an example of a completed character sheet from the CCG. As you can see, this is an RP where writing is crucial, so we're looking for someone who can put this kind of commitment into character design.

Also, we have some expectations of proper grammar, spelling and capitalization. You don't have to spell everything correctly, of course, but you definitely need to capitalize properly.
 
Ha Ha Ha mite! Do you like my hallow ween costume. Crime never sleeps.
*I see I'm using the wrong words I'll fix that. sorry...
I hope that looks better.
Ahhh! I didn't know the Alliance was leaving on Monday this is terrible news! I have Sunday off so I should be able to still pull this off.
Looks like I'll never sleep either...errr...
Pleas Captain I need to get on that ship to slaughter the rebel scum!
 
I hesitate to approve this character because of his autism. He would be a serious liability to the rest of his crew if he has trouble analyzing information on the field of battle ('details vs lack of big picture'). He CANNOT be a front line officer, as his lack of vision would put his subordinates at a unacceptable risk.

As such, I recommend that he works as a caretaker rather than a front-line soldier (Soldier 3rd Class, even).

Some of your skill descriptions are too brief. HOW did he learn his survival skill? WHY does he know it? Just saying "He can recognize ambush points" doesn't cut it.

You STILL have spelling, capitalization and some grammar errors too, (one in bold lettering, too "Do to being Colorblind). I'm not a spelling Nazi, but glaring errors such as the one I previously quoted may hint at a lack of proofreading/writing skills. That's also another reason why I hesitate to approve the character.

Your previous post in this thread has several errors that annoy me, too. I don't want to have to do that degree of editing on my own plotship for your sake.

I have 11 other players on the ship, all of whom you can look to for more detail on character bios. If you want to be the 12th character on the ship (and an exception to the 'no more characters' post I made in the OOC ship thread), I expect something very damn good.
 
Tom said:
(and an exception to the 'no more characters' post I made in the OOC ship thread)
Click to expand...
I did not see that untill just now.

Tom said:
He would be a serious liability to the rest of his crew if he has trouble analyzing information on the field of battle
Click to expand...
I just think it would make it a little more interesting.
 
Wow, that's nuts.

Still, Nepleslia isn't gonna allow an autistic front line officer on its new prototype ship.
 
I would consider making a Yamataian and talking to Doshii about putting him on the Goban. Or talk to Tyler and put him or the Yugumo.

Or you can strike it on your own as a mercenary for the pirates.
 
Tom said:
Or you can strike it on your own as a mercenary for the pirates.
Click to expand...
That sounds badical. Hmmm however it doesn't seem like what the character would do.

If autism isn't going to fly in the military then do you know of any other interesting disabilities. I'm trying to avoid a supper human with x-ray vision and mussels of steel... Unlike some people that have 6'8â€
 
Join the Ygg with ken for now. He's working on finding some people and getting some money to get his own Vampire, and go into a better merc bussiness.
 
It's vaguely unrelated, but my cousin Simon on my father's side is autistic.

He doesn't recognize facial expressions and never smiles. He will tell us "I am happy" but his facial expression never changes.
Like myself, he has aspergers syndrome but it's somewhat severe than my own in that he's had to be educated "common sense" to an extreme and he can spend months fixated from topic to topic.

We used to play together as kids. He was about 4 years older than me but would always spend time with me so we have fairly similar interests and he's practically my idol.

His dad said that from being about 2, he was highly receptive to games of any kind and quickly picked up flight-sims. By the time he was 12, before he attended secondary school and with simple aid from his father he was flying a simulated F18 into missions the rest of us thought programmers put in to piss off the players.

Simon's also had an intense interest in physical exersize so the moment he found a way to combine both hobies with prop planes with his dad, he loved it.

He understood the military lingo and could calculate trajectories before any of us had even uttered the numbers aloud.

As it stands, he's a fighter pilot in the RAF (now 24) and he goes by the callsign "Clock". He is in the top 0.4 percentile of all fighter pilots in Europe and he's going to be one of the first in the UK to climb into an F22 for a political exchange programme.

Simon rocks.
 
It's very common for people with autism to have seizures. You may want to ask a doctor about it. There are many types and forms of seizures most are undetectable.
 
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