Approved Character Saori Kuwashima

[Kuronary]

Wiki's done for the character here.

Decided to play it pretty close to type for a first character; blank slate with plenty of room to grow, but enough direction in mind to take her where I want to go. Speaking of direction, I was thinking of building her towards a spot in 21 Squadron and was wondering if I was doing it right in that regard.

 

[Nashoba]

Hello Kuronary,

I'm Nashoba, GM for the 21st, and one of the site Admins.

I added a bit more Wiki links on the form

Overall your character is on the right path for the 21st. A few small issues.

Name: Yamataian names are typically Surname (Family) then Given name. Your text would imply that Saori is her given name, so you should reverse the names at the top of the form so that people don't call you by the wrong name.

Hair, how long is long? Please provide a reference. What one person considers long is not the same as another. Is it down to her waist? the middle of her back, etc.

Under skills: In Communications you put telepathy in the heading but did not put it in the actual description, and you have a 'Your character is ' in the text.

As for the rest of your skills, you used the boiler plates for the mandatory which is fine. Although you could personalize them a bit. For example under the fighting, was there anything that she was better at or enjoyed more. Not a necessity, but it adds a bit more depth.

Other than these things overall a great first character.

Because you have stated you are intending on coming to the 21st Squadron, I will let one of the other Character Reviewers go over her some more.

 

[Kuronary]

Right on.

Made the changes you suggested.

 

[Wes]

Sorry for the wait; I'm on vacation at my parents' place.

I found the character bio a little bare but there are no issues with it.

CHARACTER APPROVED

Welcome to Star Army! I hope you have a great time in the 21st!

Moving this topic to the approved forum...