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Approved Character Schuyler Aetius

F

Flynt Ferrix

Inactive Member
Name: Schuyler Aetius


General Information

Species: Plebian Elysian
Gender: Male
Age: 19

Family / Creators: His father (Jorgen Aetius) was a worker in the fields, and his mother (Aniela Aetius) worked as a nurse maid to patrician children.

Employer: Elysian Celestial Navy
Occupation: Mechanic
Rank: Mechanic
Current Assignment: Crataeis


Physical Characteristics

Height: 5ft 9.5inches
Weight: 167 lbs
Measurements: 42" chest, 31" waist
Bra Size: He's a dude...

Build and Skin Colour: Schuyler is a mix between a track star and a mid weight wrestler. He doesnt appear to be much larger than the average person, though he is well toned, and hardened. His hands, are rough and calloused, from the hard labor of his recent past. His wings arent very pronounced, and look rather frail.
Facial Features and Eye Colour: His face is long, and chiseled. It portrays the strenuous work of his not so distant past, but a sense of confidence, sincerity, and a slight whiff of humility. His eyes are a mix of steel and sea foam, they mix undeniably into a beautiful gray green, and project the warmth of his personality. He keeps his beard trimmed to about a two day scruff, just long enough to not be scratchy, while at the same time short enough to not draw much attention to itself. His smile is a nice toothy grin, but is normally seen as a simple smirk, unless he is absorbed in mirth.
Hair Colour and Style: His hair is a beautiful dusty blond color, which he keeps fairly short. The most he ever does to style his hair is towel it off after a shower.

Distinguishing Features: Schuyler has a medium sized tattoo running around his right shoulder, of a tribal styled 7, and the words "Make your ownâ€
 
Well, I guess I could leave a comment. Your profile has a few typos here and there, nothing a little proofreading could solve. However, your description is well put into detail, good job on that. With that the personality is also rather well done.

Also, from what I read, your Plebeian is built... How should I say... Like the Bismark. If I understand correctly, the average Plebeian is malnourished and relatively weak due to a low supply of food. However, there is always exceptions and necessarily, I'm no authority on what's Plebeian or not(Just trying to help.)

It would also help to fill in your last two skill fields. Not only that, you could possibly replace 'CQC and Mid-Range Battle Skills' with 'Fighting'(Since it's listed on the skill page as such and covers the subject.) Though I'm not too sure about it, but I think your actually supposed to list the name of certain skills derived from this page. If so don't forget to center them around your character's profession and then who he is. Try to give a good explanation of how he achieved those skills(Or maybe puff them up, makem' sound cool.)

Very good job on that part. Also, I'm not too sure, but is 'Mechanic' a rank in the Elysian Celestial Navy? You could leave it like that or blank until someone clears that up.
 
Honestly, Sekiko and Thomas (Sleepwalker and Zakalwe, respectively) are the only ones who can approve your Elysian character. I'd comment, but I've been lazy reading up on them ... sorry!
 
I was aware of that actually Doshii Jun, but you are correct, I had talked to Seki a bit about it when i was writing this up. I do appologize about the typos, but I only have word pad on my computer where I typed this, so sounded good to me, decided to just post it. If you point them out, I would be happy to edit and fix them.

Seki was the one that suggested the "rank" of mechanic as well, though I do understand your concern with that as well.

Thank you for the compliment to the history, and the personality.

Yes, from what ive read the plebians are generally a scrawny breed, but since they are based off human culture (more "tainted" by humans) it is in all honesty very possible to attain this build. (The Dutch/Germans arent exactly the smallest people in the world, and his first name is, well, dutch)

The reason that I left the last two skills blank, is because while I want to have some good solid skills, and be able to have fun with him that way, He doesnt really need a whole lot more, IMO. He can always add to them later, as I understand it.

Thanks for the comments, much appreciated!
 
Dutch, actually. Dutch and Latin.

Well then, tell me what you would like me to do, that doesnt really give me much to work with, you know?

Its alright Doshii, you were just covering the bases, ^_^
 
*thinks*

?

*thinks some more*

Ooooooh.

... I see. Carry on. :p

No, I seriously had to think about it. It's sad. I know. :)

I have no objections to the bio. I want to let Thomas or Seki approve it though.
 
Bump.


For god's sake Thomas, approve it or not - just make a damn decision already!

(I like the profile by the way.)
 
If you want something changed just let me know, more than likely if you give me a better guide line i will conform to it. Saying "I dont like the build" isnt constructive, and doesnt help me modify it to work. Seki had a similar issue, thinks that he is a bit too built. Let me know how you want me to word it/change it to conform to your idea.
 
I comment again: I don't like how physically powerful he is described. He's a Plebeian, and Plebeians aren't meant to be that built.

I don't like his name - it's not Elysian. All Elysian names end in something like -ael. His second named is alright, but his first I'm unhappy with.

Also please give your skills conventional titles.

After that I shall approve your character, despite his lack of some skills.
 
Much obliged, however I would like to ask you to converse with Seki about the name. Just as a request.

Skills will be changed to conventional titles as fast as i can look them up and change them.

Ill tone down the physical description a bit, and give that another run.

Thanks for the better feedback.

Edit: I changed teh skill names, and added two more. I toned down the physical description a bit, so see how that works for you...

Still, like i said, I would like you to talk to Seki about the name.
 
Because when i was building this character I sent most of what is typed up there, to her so that she could review it. Including the name. She said that she thought it was a decent name, since elysians were at one point human (or came from humans, had human influence, something along those lines) She thought it was a decent name to use.

Thats the only reason, really. That, and I like that name, not something you see everyday, and it breaks away from the norm.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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