New Character (Plot) [Section 6] Atreo Rubis

HarperMadi

Submissions Reviewer
FM of S6
Oct 14, 2017
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On it. Before I begin, would you mind fixing the tenses in the beginning of the article? the first section is written in past tense, as though this character is a historical figure, but the rest seems to be in present tense, excluding history.

Do remember that the only section that should be written in past tense would be history, in this case.

Also not sure if Separashan are humanoid at all in the early portion of their lives, making it rather difficult for some of his earlier actions. This can be fixed by making him slightly older. If I remember correctly, Separa undergo a metamorphosis at approximately 10-14, but I will have to verify.
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Aug 28, 2017
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from memory of talking to @Soban the separa are initially almost completely snakelike and never take a real "human" form, just to help answer that question
 
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Dragon_God

FM of S6
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Mar 23, 2017
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I don’t describe his appearance or him looking a certain was in the history. As I already knew this fact and didn’t want to be too specific in the history. I will definitely be chancing the tenses and making sure that it’s in the proper tense.
 

HarperMadi

Submissions Reviewer
FM of S6
Oct 14, 2017
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So in reading the Essian physiology found , the metamorphosis occurs at about 14. Till then, they are normal snakes, for intents and purposes.

Also, where you noted that this fellow is a Pythus, it probably shouldn't be called "Python", for semantic reasons.

Also do go ahead and link the species page you're working with and give it a quick read through for relevant details to add. The species page can be found
Thanks for fixing the tenses.
 

Soban

Game Master
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Aug 21, 2017
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Thanks for tagging me club! Welcome to the club Dragon_God. I do my best to be supportive of all new plaers. The Separa'Shan are a Star Army something, not my something, so if you can think of improvements please feel free to mention them.

First thing is the Separa'Shan did not have space travel of any kind until YE 29. As that is when first contact was made. Given his family's anti-factional views, it is entirely possible he grew up in the Jungle away from other Separa'Shan.

To me, it makes sense that around YE 29-30ish they could have left with their own ship (though that would probably entail a closer connection to someone in the outside world) which would be around the time he turns 10. However, as others have mentioned they don't take their humanoid form until they are around 14. That said, if you can figure out a creative way for him to have helped out, have at it. There is a long tradtion on Essia of children growing up in the jungle and hunting for themselves. You may be able to work with that.

I also might move the start of his military training later.

Also he'll know some variation on the Separa'Shan language.

If I were to rework his backstory, I'd probably have his parents be traveling traders on Essia. Once he was old enough, he helped his family by hunting in the jungles while they traveled. Once he turned fourteen, he started helping them out in earnest and learning to fight from the guards of his parents caravan. Everything after that is pretty much the same.

Overall, I like it and can't wait to see him in play!
 
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