Approved Character Soga Suika

[Vesper]

Name: Soga Suika

General Information
Species: Nekovalkyrja, model NH-17
Gender: Female
Age: 3 years; 8 months

Family (or Creators):
PNUgen Corporation

Employer: Star Army of Yamatai
Occupation: MOS- Starship Operations
Rank: Ittô Heisho
Current Assignment: Unassigned


Physical Characteristics
Height: 168 cm; 5' 6â€

 

[Doshii Jun]

The history we talked about last night, so I'll leave that for others wiser than I.

Measurements: 84/61/86 cm ; 33/24/34 in
Bra Size: C

Busty little thing. Der hawt. Shame I've no male characters ... that are sexually interested, anyway.

Dislikes: ... Dealing with Fleet Requisition ...

I think I get the idea behind this ... but how often will it happen, even in 5th XF? Perhaps there's a certain occupation of enlisted personnel she wouldn't like?

Skills: Fighting: ... This has not been a field of focus for her, however, and her skill in it is not significantly beyond the basic requirements. ...

This isn't a knock so much as it is a reminder. If said Neko has only the basic requirements, she's pretty goddamn lethal. If you want your character to be more the thinker than the fighter, you'd have to justify it. The Neko's skills don't quite dull just because they're not used.

Skills: Engineering: ... fabrication of items through both simple CNC methods and SAY ship-based nodal systems.

New role player QUESTION (wordfilters): What is the SAY? If you're thinking "Star Army of Yamatai," go with YSA. Otherwise, I don't know.

Other than that, a noble and successful effort in the fine art of NEKO-age. Rock on.

 

[Rei]

Too chesty for her height, not mentioning her model. I'd suggest a Yamataian really, or just scaling back to a B. I do however like the eye color a lot.

You could mention her manufacturer's tattoos at the least for features I suppose.


Use 'their ignorance' not 'there ignorance' as well.

Don't capitalize things in a list unless it's called for, putting and at the last of them is also standard.

I'm seeing a bit too much history for a lower ranking enlistee. It's also highly improbable that anything but an officer or senior NCO would teach officer candidates at the academy. You could try basic training if it's that important. The other training would strike me as something that would be learned in a more standard fashion, though.

The proper abbreviation for the Star Army is YSA.

Might want to tone down her skills, they need to be rp'd out some. Though it doesn't seem like she could take apart a KAMI and put it back together blindfolded anyway. Not looking bad so far, still.

 

[Wes]

The proper abbreviation for the Star Army is YSA.

No! YSA is the Yamatai Security Agency, the "police" of Yamatai space. The Star Army of Yamatai's short form is "Star Army" and shouldn't be abbreviated unless absolutely necessary (the proper abbreviation would then be SA).

Might want to tone down her skills, they need to be rp'd out some. Though it doesn't seem like she could take apart a KAMI and put it back together blindfolded anyway.

With so much time spent fighting, I don't see where she'd have time to get years of education with Kessaku Electronics...

During the Battle of Draconis the Hakiri was boarded and suffered heavy causalities amongst its crew before the enemy force could be neutralized. Because of these casualties Suika was transferred to the Operations division of the vessel after the battle. Due to personnel shortages her transfer became permanent, along with a change of MOS. She served in this capacity for the remainder of in-fleet duties.

The 29th fleet went to battle and not one ship or neko in it returned, if I remember correctly (the whole fleet group has never been heard from since the aether storm event).

 

[Doshii Jun]

The proper abbreviation for the Star Army is YSA.

No! YSA is the Yamatai Security Agency, the "police" of Yamatai space. The Star Army of Yamatai's short form is "Star Army" and shouldn't be abbreviated unless absolutely necessary (the proper abbreviation would then be SA).

Oh. Well, that's good to know.

 

[Vesper]

Dislikes: ... Dealing with Fleet Requisition ...

I think I get the idea behind this ... but how often will it happen, even in 5th XF? Perhaps there's a certain occupation of enlisted personnel she wouldn't like?

I was assuming that, even as a mate to the senior Operations Officer, she would be required to deal with upper-echelon Logistics departments of the Navy. And, while I have not had to deal with such people IRL, I can imagine it could be quite annoying and frustrating. Also, remember that her previous experience was within a war fleet, not a XF. The war fleets are significantly less self-sufficient than the XFs (or so I would assume), so they would have to deal with Fleet logistics allot more.

---

What I meant by that in the "Fightingâ€

 

[Kimura]

http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000175.htm
God damn it, Wes. I knew that was going to screw something up someday.

 

[Vesper]

Mkay; Yes, I realize that I have made several grammatical errors in this biography. And I realize that grammar seems to be a really big thing with you guys. I see the point in this, but I would appreciate it if you would focus more on the content of the bio than a few grammar errors in its execution. So long as they are within reasonable limits (which I believe mine are), grammar errors will not have a significant impact on the RPing and storytelling therein. I'm not saying these errors are acceptable or anything, but as I said above, I would appreciate it if you would concentrate on the content of the bio instead of grammatical nitpicking.

Thank you.

 

[Kimura]

I have no beef with the character; I think people tend to complain about 'over-development', but all the issues have already been addressed.

'a lot' is my correction du jour. I've mentioned it before, so...

There are also a few other details like the precision of her age that you might want to address. I doubt you want to be changing it every evening...

 

[Vesper]

Didn't think of the age precision thing, good point. That has been changed.

Her graduation from Tatiana Polytechnic was pushed back several months (to mid YE 27) to increase training time. She then would have several months aboard the Hakiri prior to it's participation with the Xyainbor Campaign, then a few more before it was destroyed in the Mwigflukbarjik Offensive and Suiko was transfered to the Imperial Academy on Kyoto. These changes have the net effect of pushing everything back by several months, so she only taught at the Academy for a year or so. Hopefully these changes will adress the concerns with the bio.

 

[Wes]

Character approved!