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Approved Character Strelgar Jextair VelCroix

Nazarii

Inactive Member
(Note: Revision 3)

Name: Strelgar Jextair VelCroix (Sergei is his nick name)


General Information


Species: Geshrin
Gender: Male
Age: 23

Family: Last Name: VelCroix Father: Jextair /Not in contact:Dead Mother: Domnika /Not in contact:Dead

Employer:
Occupation: Freelance Mercenary / Technician
Rank:
Current Assignment:


Physical Characteristics

Height: 6'3"/ 75 inches/ 165.1 centimeters
Weight: 192 Pounds/ 87.089735 kilograms


Build and Skin Color: Tall man with a medium muscle build for his size, his tone is soft to the touch almost silky or a firm softness to his mass. His skin is a lighter tone with definite dark origin. For his mother was the one with darker skin. His father was white skinned.

Facial Features: Sergeis' (Strelgars') face looks very similar to your average Russian, only minor differences separate him. Cheek bones compliment the contours of his face along with the masculine jaw that isn't defined strongly more in a subtle smooth way.

Hair color and Style: Long obsidian colored hair with silver flecks, ending just at his waist. With sharp green eyes, and voilet flecks.

Usual Clothing/Dress Style:

Primary: Thin fur lined jacket, short sleeves. The belts holding the short sleeved jacket closed their black stands out amongst the white silk of the remainder of the jacket. The collar is strapped closed circling his neck, ending just at the lobe of his ears. On the back of the jacket is a scarlet colored angled cross. Long white sash that it's seams are only a few inches away from the floor. Loose cream colored canvas pants tapered at the mid shin, meeting up with his white canvas and rubber soul all terrain boots. Mothers momento, the last of his dearest family that now resides in his memory.

Mothers Armor:
Larval State: A memory artifact, emulator to the cortex of the brain. Shows repressed memories etc...
Form: Left arm bracer, with rune imprinted upon it.
Funtionality: It like a key word that years later unlocks some kind of forgotton childhood memory when you are the grand old age of 75. Perhaps it's an event that triggers the wall to crumble. It just stays and stores time data and thoughts all the way up to memories. Like a digital diary. It has generations of memories all from his family lineage.

Distinguishing Features: His eyes sit more receded in his sockets from the hours of lost sleep, accompanied by the darker rings around his eyes barely noticed hidden by his darker skin. Strange runes are on his body on his back a symbol on his chest with a strange cats eye gem in the center it seems to be part of his sturnem plate of rib cage. The symbols tattooed are runes he or anyone isn't sure of their meaning. The Runes are white skin pigmentation, like a birth mark.

Psychological Characteristics

Personality: An lack of any real sense of mercy, with a lack of restraint. Sergei (Strelgar) is what his family has been for generations, brutal and almost uncontrollable. Sergei seems to lose track of time, along with other contributing factors that make him so unusual. A most dark sense of humor and twisted view of reality. Sergei in a sense of pros and cons, is able to finish any job with a amazing speed and skill, if it involves some kind of tech. With a sense of honor taught to him by the blade, he can fight with vicious and brutal capacity. As his family oath says, "No mercy for the weak, no regrets with the dead, the fated guide us."


Likes: Serenity, animals, a challenge that brings him to the brink of death. Playing his electric Guitar.
Dislikes: People in general, Authority, Fatalists
Goals: To seek the origin of the strange armor and find what was mentioned in his dearest mothers diary.

History
Simply origin, he came from a sparsely populated portion of Nepleslia.

Youth:

Sergei's (Strelgar) youth spent years of brutal exercises with the blade and Close Quarters Combat (CQC). At ten years of age he fought a personal officer of his fathers first ring guard captain. The fight ended with a draw the officers sword stopped just at Sergei's throat, his crescent blade rested just barely pushing officers skin just between the ribs directly where his heart was located. Sergei chuckled, his tone contorted with bitter bliss. His father was very unhappy.

The fight ended in a loss, his father beat him close to death. Awoke in his caring mothers arms. Recovery was where his mother taught him an endless amount of technology operation and theory.

Trained even harder, killed his father. His father had killed his mother, thus sending Strelgar into a blood rage. In the end he won finding his mothers diaries in her book shelf. There it whispered of a family relic that was hidden where the sun met ice.

He took her books with him, as he traveled fighting off his fathers ex-guard rings. This went on for years, before he found the relic and took the first ship leaving system. Strelgar (Sergei) didn't miss his home he hated that place, he found himself lost on a Yamataian Independant Outpost.

Present:



Skills

Arts: Music one of his worst skills, he picked up a electric guitar and small amp that is easy to carry. He played and found he enjoyed it for therapy.

Maintenance and Repair: Strelgar is good with tools in general. He can fix a lot of basic machines, and is a fair starship mechanic. Some of his ability is intuitive, passed down from his mother.

Physical: Strelgar is very muscular for his size, along with being very acrobatic. He is built to compliment his sword skills.

Communication: He picked up military skills with communications along his ship ride, with basic ability to fill out paperwork. He speaks mixed Yamatai with Nepleslian. From his home world he learned these two and his dialect is with his families common spoken accent.

Mathematics: Strelgar received basic mathematics training from his mother up to include algebra and trigonometry.

Technology Operation: Strelgar is capable of using many of the basic computer systems that are Yamataian and Nepleslian in origin. He has not attempted to use military-grade systems before, but is likely able to operate them on a much more basic level.

Fighting: Trained from birth to fight with the blade he is unequivocally a master of the sword. Including unarmed combat arts.
 
Few issues:

1, Armour has to be approved in the tech forum.
2, History is not to be RPed out here, simply give us skeleton details.
3, Need more skills, although I suppose technically you could have a character that only knew how to fight he would be very limited.
 
1. Geshrin, not Geshirn.

2. "Native American" ... doesn't exist in this setting. Just knowing that he's got a darker color, that'll work.

3. Facial features: Who's Sergei?

4. So he has the face of a Russian, and the skin of the Native American? That's just, how it worked out?

5. You need to explain the armor more. Larval State? What's a memory artifact?

6. The history ... it's OK. I don't mind it. But where does he actually come from? A part of Nepleslia? Slav Sector of Funky City? Even farther out from Nep. Prime?

a. And as an addition, a Yamataian military outpost is the wrong place to be. Perhaps just relocated to an independent outpost.

7. Skills:

a. Arts is fine.

b. Maintenance is far too vague. You need to specialize in some field or another.

c. Communication is OK enough ... but "Russian" needs to be deleted. Just say he has an accent.

d. Tech Op. isn't right. He can't just learn any operating system and repair it too. That takes certificates and training. I'd replace this skill with something more useful.

e. Fighting is fine ... except, replace the word "inexplicably" with "unequivocally."

Overall: This is an imported character, isn't it? This character doesn't fit our setting in the least. He belongs, most likely, on Lor, but he isn't a Lorath. Not only that, but it appears you don't have any real solid plan for this character ... what are you going to do with him? What plotship do you want?

The writing's OK, but the English is a bit weak.

This character is pending. Please address the edits above.
 
All Good in Explanation

Doshii Jun said:
Overall: This is an imported character, isn't it? This character doesn't fit our setting in the least. He belongs, most likely, on Lor, but he isn't a Lorath. Not only that, but it appears you don't have any real solid plan for this character ... what are you going to do with him? What plotship do you want?

To understand meaning of Gypsies rational is a long process that will take time to unravel in RP.

1: Gypsy: Never stays in one place for to long.
2: Reasoning: At a whim I go where I like.
3: Equivalence: Is like the wind, light fast never stopping as it arrives and departs.
4: I am only responsible for my own sake, other people last.
5: My goals are more important than you or anyone else alive.
6: Absolutely no worries, fate guides us to many places. Accept the reality and move on.
7. Etc..

There is many more things that go to that list, it is all part of Strelgars' (Sergei) Personality. The code is included into the lines of his behavior characteristics.

Still questions, ask them then?
 
1. OK, I understand what the armor does, I think ... it somehow stores repressed memories. But HOW does it do that? And who made it? How does it activate? What's it powered by? Where does it come from?

2. The rune tattoos have no special effects, correct? They're just tattoos?

3. Your history is insufficient. You need to pick an existing planet to come from. Not an uncharted one. It has to be an existing planet.

4. Skills:

a. Technology Operation: "Strelgar is capable of using many of the basic computer systems that are Yamataian and Nepleslian in origin. He has not attempted to use military-grade systems before, but is likely able to operate them on a much more basic level." < -- Put that in there. That is acceptable.

b. Communication: Ruskie's a derogatory term for Russian, and it's the same thing anyway. Please remove it and leave it at "he has an accent."

c. Maintenance and Repair: "Strelgar is good with tools in general. He can fix a lot of basic machines, and is a fair starship mechanic. Some of his ability is intuitive, passed down from his mother." < -- Use this. That's acceptable.

Second review: First, I'd like to confirm whether English is your first language or not.

Second, while I respect the Gypsy way, that's going to be pretty hard to work with in the SARP. SARP is based around clustering players into plotships, encouraging interaction with other players and learning the setting. Other than possibly the independent ships, you cannot enter the other RP boards to play.

Right now, you're playing a loner character. You won't last more than a couple months, which is very generous. No offense, but loner characters always, without fail, do poorly here. Healthy player interaction is the key to enjoying this site.

Again, the Gypsy way aside, you should join a plotship with this character. I can't force you, but right now, this character isn't likely to survive on the site.

This character is still pending. Other reviewers, if you have suggestions, please offer them.
 
Bout Time!

Heh heh, I was waiting for the right anwers. You just provided them Doshi, Thank You! Well any how time to make some changes.
______________________________________________________________________
Oh yeah English is my first and least spoken language, I rather speak using my dialects instead, for I have many different dialects of English just not so much on the basic.

So if that is what you are implying; then yes I don't use basic English often. And has been years since I have spoken with English accent. I started at the youth age of ten, the country Russia facinates me. So, I spoke for years with a Ruskie accent. I pretty much pronounce my English as if I were born raised and, learned English in Russia.

I apologize if I seemed I wasn't strong in English. I also apologize for any future inconvenience it may cause. I have to really think to write understandable, for I even change the sentence structure to accommodate my dialect. Sorry, I hope you understand now. If not please don't hesitate to ask.
____________________________________
Edit Note: You can be a Gypsy and stuck in one place, just won't be able to find him easy. For he will never sit still as he is in the Plotships. See I can adjust to changes to.
Note: Revise 4 complete.
It's money TIME!$$
 
... *shakes head*

Tell me which plotship you are going to join. Just post it OOCly in this thread. Once you do that, then I can feel confident in approving you.

You have a very special, very out-of-place character. I'd like to know a GM is willing to accept that.
 
I'll PM the GM of Fort Ready to confirm. Looks like you got "OOCly" down just fine! Sorry I confused you like that.

EDIT: Yagen confirmed it.

This character is approved for IC usage. Please add the bio to the wiki and file orders in the thread of your faction.
 
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