Rejected Character Urei Senshi

[Urei_Senshi]

Name: Urei Senshi


General Information

Species: Yamataian
Gender: male
Age: 17

Family / Creators: all of his family is dead and he can not remember their names

Employer: star army of yamatai
Occupation: combat arms
Rank: enlisted
Current Assignment: n/a


Physical Characteristics

Height: 5'11"
Weight: 165 lb.
Measurements:
Bra Size:

Build and Skin color: average/slightly muscular with pale flesh colored skin
Facial Features and Eye color: eye color is red and a small scar on left side of forehead from where he was hit on the head during the Elysian attack
Hair color and Style: hair is long,unkept, and black. in the front it goes past nose and in the back it almost reaches shoulders it is usually always in front of his eyes. it is jagged across front and layers down to the back of the hair where it is longer by an inch or two

Distinguishing Features: has abnormally long and sharp fangs,elf like pointy ears and a small scar on forehead


Psychological Characteristics

Personality:
being of young age he is still new to all this war but he is willing to serve his superiors and always respect them. also having his family killed by Elysians he is an extremely hateful person that gets angry very easy.his favorite places are being right in the middle of a battle and anywhere where there is a lot of women around. he usually dress in all black so he doesn't draw attention to himself unless he chooses he wants attention. the only thing that motivates him is women but for the most part he is a slacker.

Likes: women, battles,playing guitar
Dislikes: the Elysian race for killing my family
Goals:to settle down with a nice girl and have some kids and to do his best to fight in these wars until they are over


History

he is a Yamataian boy whose parents were killed by an Elysian attack. he has decided to join the star army of yamatai to get revenge on the Elysian people for killing his family. during the attack he was struck on the head and knocked out and some of his memories were taken from him so he doesn't know his parents names. he was only told that they were killed by Elysians.


Skills

Fighting: he was always interested in martial arts and the use of weapons and used to take lessons in both as a child

Entertainment: as a young boy he took up playing the guitar and has liked it ever since

Physical: was a top runner on school track team

Rogue: after his parents died he had to live off of his own money and often went so low as to stealing money from other people just to survive

Demolitions: watching things go boom has always excited him and he has practiced making explosives a lot

Survival and military: while living on his own he had to learn how to survive by finding water and food to eat since he usually had no money

Leadership: public speaking has always been easy for him because he is not afraid of large crowds or performing in front of them

 

[Andrew]

Hi!

Just some things I noticed when going over your profile:

- Please don't use the first person in your posts. (The use of "Iâ€

 

[Doshii Jun]

Also please avoid opening multiple topics for the same purpose. You can edit the initial post and let us know it has been edited.

With this in mind, I'm going to copy the old bio and save it, in case it is needed, and then delete it from the boards. Less clutter.

Now, with that in mind, let's look at your character.

1. Age -- He's a little on the young side, but eh.

2. Hair description -- I'm a little lost on that ... is there an image you have in mind you want to link to outside the bio? That way we can get an idea.

3. Scar -- Since your character started life in YE 12, he started as a Geshrin. They don't have the kind of healing Nekovalkyrja have, so the scar could still be there, theoretically (he'd have to demand it stay). However, switching to a Yamataian body, that scar would also have to be requested; otherwise, it would be healed.

4. Ears and teeth -- He certainly didn't have these features as a Geshrin; they'd have to be requested when in a Yamataian body, and they would most certainly be held against him by other, normal-looking Yamataians.

5. Personality -- Remember that you're not fighting Elysians here -- we're fighting the Mishhuvurthyar. It's okay to be hateful of other races, of course, but just keep that in mind.

6. Dress -- Just so you know, if you're in the SA, you're wearing the standard-issue uniform. So no all black for you, mister.

7. History -- Though memory loss is possible, keep in mind that Yamataians have computerized brains. They don't forget much. As a Geshrin, the character had that as well, but on a lesser scale.

What bothers me more about this is the use of the timeline. I'm a little unsure memory loss should play a part in the character not remembering his parents -- Considering the last Elysian attack was in YE 14, and he was only 2 at the time. I'm also unsure other Geshrin citizens were affected -- that'd be for Wes to speak on.

8. Skills -- Eheh. You should expand fighting, physical and demolitions a bit more; if he's a SA recruit, he went through basic. The CCG will have the boilerplate text you need for that.

As for your other skills -- "survival and military" can come from basic, so if you want to keep that one, you can.

But "rogue" and "leadership" are tough to swallow. Even in the days before PNUgen, the central government (where it existed) would absorb an orphan such as your character and provide for them. Yamatai/Geshrintall is utopian like that. So you wouldn't be scrounging for food or anything. "Leadership" is a personal thing for me -- it doesn't seem to fit with your character, at least the feel I have of him; he seems a much darker, less willing person when it comes to associating with others. Perhaps that's just his look.

 

[Wes]

being of young age he is still new to all this war but he is willing to serve his superiors and always respect them. also having his family killed by Elysians he is an extremely hateful person that gets angry very easy.his favorite places are being right in the middle of a battle and anywhere where there is a lot of women around. he usually dress in all black so he doesn't draw attention to himself unless he chooses he wants attention. the only thing that motivates him is women but for the most part he is a slacker.

How do you expect to participate in a writing RPG when you can't even properly write a biography? There's no way I'd let you in my plot - no GM wants to spend hours after every JP fixing countless mistakes.