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Approved Character Vosem Pyatyy Litiy

Hello, there. I know that I'm not technically part of any of this, but I felt it necessary to put in my two cents. First off, you need to be sure that you get @Foxtrot 813 by putting in the @ sign. Second, you need to fix the red link to create your user page. Most just use that to keep track of the characters that they are playing. Third, you should have two separate sheets for each character. You can have them both linked to this thread as one submission, but they should have their own page. Last, but not least, you need to be sure that the art you have linked is owned by you or is used with permission and then uploaded to the wiki, not just linked. If you're not sure on how to do that, please don't hesitate to ask!


EDIT:

On another note, after reading the whole thing...what exactly are they? I don't seem to be able to find their race anywhere withing the SARP universe. Not that they can't be added at a later time...but if they are new...they may not be able to be used at this time. Just a head's up.
 
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Okee-dokee. Let's see what I can do here...

On the art stuff, I drew that thing like 3 hours ago, so I'm pretty sure I own it. ;) Still a WIP, so it'll get replaced with better versions along the way.

I know that separate sheets is more correct, it just felt more efficient this way because the two characters are so similar and integral to one another that separate sheets felt redundant. Wasn't sure how picky we were about doing them doubled-up like this, since this is my first go.

Red link is handled. Foxtrot link is handled.
 
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Awesome. As you can see on my signature, I have a set of twins myself. They are separated. Should always be this way, because they may not always be together in the same plot.
 
In reply to your edit:

They're not a race, they're a biological AI product line, effectively. I've discussed this with several admins before writing any of it, and it's all on the up-and-up. I'll have the CS split later tonight.
 
Alright, I'll reply to this in parts, but the first thing about the bio is that, since it's two characters, you need to make a separate bio for each character.

Onto the topics:

Physical Appearance:
No big deal here, I personally don't require you to describe much since there's already a picture of the character(s).
Personality:
I want more than a sentence there to get a hang of what the characters are like, exactly. You stated there that you're waiting on some roleplaying to decide first, but then go on saying they're fairly chatty, social and loyal. If you could write the how's, why's and what's of each one of those, preferably with a paragraph for each, that would be what I'm aiming to see.
History:
There is basically no history of the characters in that section, just what they are. It would be better for you to put info of what they are in their personality section (I think the AI compulsions would fit better there), or even in the physical description for some, since you are not going for making a new species. Alternatively, you could change the phrasing in there for something that would look more like the character(s) history. For example:

Instead of
To recap, a typical Doukh male is born, spends 10 years growing to adulthood while intensively learning and practicing starship maintenance, is leased out and spends 20 years servicing ships, then is returned for the deposit that was paid, and spends their remaining (~10) years contributing to the next generation.
Click to expand...

Change to

Like all other Doukhs, Vosem/Devyat spent their first ten years growing to aldulthood while intensively learning and practicing starship maintenance, to be leased out and spending the next 20 years servicing ships(...)
Click to expand...

You get the idea.

Skills:
All cool here, although for the language you might want to substitute Russian with the Kuznyetski dialect, since those guys are basically the Space Russians of our setting.

Inventory:
Pretty barebones, but it's alright. You just need to put the items in a list instead of one long line, just check the wiki code of another character bio to get an idea of what I'm talking about.

Another thing, even though they don't have any need for money, you should put a finance tab there nonetheless.



That's basically it for now. I'm looking forward to seeing these changes.
 
Ah! Yes, I wasn't sure whether or not you had Space Russians, since it's not listed as a terran equivalent in the languages wiki. I'll comb through and make the necessary adjustments.
 
Okee, got it done. Personality and History expanded (I forgot to put in certain details while I was borked up on Nyquil :D ), Russian name replaced, CSes split (Arse should have the other half up shortly), inventory formatting fixed, finance tab added.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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