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Approved Character Yamamoto Kansuke

Ok, lots of work needed. Here is the first pass at review.

First since Kan is a guy, you can remove all the "female" detail references, eg: Bra size, measurements.

Starting rank in Star Army of Yamatai is Santô Hei, all new characters start at this level and have to work their way up through game play.

No distinguishing features? Nothing that makes him unique, features don't have to be physcial, eg one of my characters always wears a pair of Uno Sunglasses.

Personality
Numerous typos and grammar issues:
examples
unease he feel sometimes -> unease he feels sometimes
areas hes lacking -> areas he is lacking
arises he willing -> arises he is willing

History
  • You can not create/instroduce a menace or race as part of your character background. All plot elements have to go through a review/approval process just like characters do.
  • Also, if he was a veteran, then prior to the mission, he and the others would have made ST (Soul Transfer) backups. Which would mean that given his condition they would have just restored him from his backup.

Skills
Please use the template for basic skills your character would have before being released from training. See Star Army Necessary Skills
Also Starship Operation is not the same as Computer skill. And English and Japanese are referred to as Nepleslian and Yamataian.

Please fix the inventory section, so that it displays properly, you need to put some line breaks in the code.

The OOC note at the bottom should probably be up in the Personality area, as its part of the character and it should be an IC reference.

Overall not a bad first try, Please addressed the issues above, and rework the history.

This character is not yet approved for IC usage.
 
Thank you for the quick review. I'll be correcting the grammar and spelling issues as well as the code for the measurements and distinguishing features. As for the rest I have some questions and comments.


[Starting rank in Star Army of Yamatai is Santô Hei, all new characters start at this level and have to work their way up through game play.]

I understand that as a starting character he needs to work form the bottom. My question is this. If I'm reading the ranking system correctly Santô Hei is lowest level for Enlisted personnel, not officers, and I wanted to start him out as an officer. Do all officers have to start out as Santô Hei and work their way up somehow? I was a Navy man for a decade and I think in terms of real life ranking systems. Officers and Enlisted ranks are completely different. As this is a game i am new to I'd just like to get a bit of clarification on this if possible.


[History
* You can not create/introduce a menace or race as part of your character background. All plot elements have to go through a review/approval process just like characters do.
* Also, if he was a veteran, then prior to the mission, he and the others would have made ST (Soul Transfer) backups. Which would mean that given his condition they would have just restored him from his backup.]

I wasn't particularly looking to introduce anything new, just set up ground work for him. As such could I change it so that he was raided, as an example, by a known enemy of the Star Army? An isolated incident that wouldn't effect current things?

As far as ST backups go the way I've written the history his superiors wouldn't go for that as they were looking to gather intelligence. If they used a backup the point would be moot as the copy wouldn't have any of the information they were seeking to gather. It is not unusual for a mission to come before the well being of personnel should the need arise.


[Skills
Please use the template for basic skills your character would have before being released from training. See Star Army Necessary Skills
Also Starship Operation is not the same as Computer skill. And English and Japanese are referred to as Nepleslian and Yamataian.]

The first four skills are cut and pasted directly from the Yamataian requirements page with the sole exception of Starship Operation. I was assuming that if someone is specialized in the operations of a starship they would know how to run a computer... I was hoping so anyway as an Operations Officer is what I was shooting for and only having basic computer skills sounds under par. That would not be a problem except for the fact that my remaining three slots had to be filled with Officers required skills, also directly cut and pasted from the forums with only a little added, nothing deleted, to explain how the skill fits to the character.


[Please fix the inventory section, so that it displays properly, you need to put some line breaks in the code.]

I'll play with this a bit until i figure out how to make it look more orderly.


[The OOC note at the bottom should probably be up in the Personality area, as its part of the character and it should be an IC reference.]

I'll move this up and include it in the bio.


thank you for the speedy review and I hope that we can work out the kinks.

Sincerely,

Derek
 
Just quickly, since you've already been reviewed, Yes, you do have to start at Santo Hei, no matter what rank you want. It's a matter of everyone starting from the bottom. Only experienced SARPers are allowed to create characters higher than Santo Hei, and that doesn't happen often. You can hold most positions without being higher than Santo Hei, and those you can't, there is a good reason for it. I believe the Operations officer can be any rank, they just have to be considered trustworthy? I'm not sure though. You start out as a Santo Hei no matter what, and earn the right to be an officer.

Also, they would restore his backup no matter what. The purpose of that is to bring the soldier back, it has nothing to do with information the soldier may have gathered. The Soul Transfer is contained on the ship, not carried around, thus the ship just resurrects the soldier when the soldier dies, to save life. Resources are moot, because Yamatai has what is essentially a limitless source of power, though tapping it is not entirely simple.

And when it comes to skills, you need the four basic skills, and three of your choice. You can gain or lose more skills over time, especially since you have to spend time and advance to become an officer in rank.

Good luck.
 
Thanks for the additional input. To be honest, I could care less about rank. Captain or seaman apprentice doesn't matter to me at this point and I'm not trying to make a big deal out of it. I -am- trying to understand how it all works however. There's a lot of rank that go from the bottom of enlisted, all the way up to Warrent, then on to officer. I've looked over some chars and some say they are like 3 years old and they are captains... So.. what happens? You plod along as enlisted until you get noticed and someone says you can be an officer? Doesn't sound very practical.. or effective. I'm not trying to be difficult, but I am a bit frustrated at what sounds like a wee bit too much like a double standard. I have known some ensigns in my time... some are bone heads.. others are straight shots and 95% of them are young and fresh out of OCS. So lets make this a bit more simple.

Are beginning characters allowed to be officers or not?

Depending on the answer ill have to change my character accordingly. If the answer is no then i have some rewriting to do. If the answer is yes then ill gladly take whatever rank I need to get started, Santo Hei or whatever, I don't care.

As for the soul transfer: in my experience nothing is ever set in stone. It is in his history that the ship was stripped. Since that is the case, and if the copy was on the ship as you describe, then there would be no copy because there was barely anything left of the ship and anyway he was still alive at the time.

As for the skills, I'll be happy to take the 4 basics as they are on the forum, along with the officer ones if I can start out as an officer that is. If I'm not allowed to take officer ill have to rethink those last 3 skill slots.
 
Derek,

Beginning player-characters start at the lowest rank. Sorry but that is the rule.

Except in rare occassions as Aendri said. And those are normally when an experienced player is making a character to be part of a plot that needs that rank.

As for the Soul Transfer, if the mission was that high risk, and they were hand selecting people for their skills and experience. It is unlikely that they would not have a copy of those people kept safely back at the home base. Ships do go missing, and loosing highly qualified personnel is not something the SAoY likes to do.

That being said, If you can get the GM for whatever campaign you want to join, to approve that aspect of the history. I will let it go. I just think it highly unlikely.

Nashoba.
 
Hello Derek and welcome to SARP. I'm not a character reviewer or anything, but I hope I can help clarify some questions you've had about some things.

Do new players have to start at the bottom?

For the most part, yes. This is done for a few reasons. Potentially, one could start as an officer in the Star Army, but this is usually something that only veteran players (ones who have played at the site for a long while, and specifically in that faction) are permitted to do. This is so that characters who are officers can be roleplayed appropriately, since chances are they will be in charge of something. It could be people, or it could be a very specific part of a ship or land based operation where out of character knowledge of the SARP universe as well as a detailed knowledge of the specific faction are almost necessary.

Why are there people that are 3 who are captains?

Ah that is quite a fair question actually. Simple, they were created for use in the Star Army. If I recall correctly Yoshiko the captain of the YSS Genei is 4. But it's important to note that she is a Nekovalkyrja so she is born knowing just about everything she needs to know about her job (which doesn't imply she can do it perfectly, knowledge and skill aren't the same, likewise what you need to know to do your job changes over time, so she'd still need to learn). She, like many other nekos, was made to be used in the military so when they are born they are thrown right into service. Thus it's no different than a character who is 21 (with 4 years of service) being a captain (though a bit young even by today's standards). Also another thing that should be taken into consideration is that most ship-captains are NPCs. Though there are a few exceptions concerning that (Kotori being one of them). As for promotions, that's really up to the GM in charge of the plot that you're character is in. If the actions merit promotions than they will be given, if they merit demotions/reprimands then those to shall be given. Don't worry about getting rank :) it'll come with roleplay.

Concerning ST Backups:
Nashoba is correct, for the most part if the Star Army were to do this there would probably be 2 backups made. Most probably made onboard ship, and then transmitted back home. But if, as indicated via history, there was almost and expectation of loss of life and data then there would be a backup made at port just before he left. If he didn't die then they probably wouldn't restore it, even if they would they'd need his permission. What's more the SS (Soul Savior) Pod that is on most ships would be rather difficult to erase, more than likely the unknown aggressors would have taken it with them if they wanted to leave no traces (or just have left it, who knows). If you're looking to change it to be raided by a known enemy of the Star Army, I would recommend checking into the Mishhuvurthyar, the YSE had been at war with them for a rather long amount of time.
 
Thank you for the input and answers to my questions! The additional references are greatly appreshiated as well, since I'm still trying to learn as much as i can. I'm going to have to rethink him a bit, keeping the basic idea. I'll have something turned in again before long. :)
 
Derek, once you hit NCOs, usually you have a pretty good chance of being allowed to make a second character as lieutenant in charge of a small starship. It's simply a matter of asking to start a plot (and finding players) at that point. You also have the ability to submit characters whose rank is equal to the highest rank you've previously achieved. So, if you have a warrant officer that gets killed, you can make a new one of the same rank (or, sometimes, a rank or two above).

The "start at the bottom" rule is there because some new players are flaky and disappear after a few posts...having people earn their positions means they're vested in them and less likely to randomly desert.
 
I think the only question I have is, why the complex backstory? You're making it a lot harder to approve your character by having it. Are you trying to set up sideplots for your character?
 
Thanks for the clarification on the officers/enlisted angle of the game. Much clearer now. I've already gone back and change my char to Enlisted, lowest rank.

As for the background, no, I wasn't attempting to make any kind of subplot. What I was considering was two things at once. The first was to make a background that would allow a beginning PLAYER a bit of leeway as to why his character acted a bit funny around others or made what would be considered obvious mistakes. Basically a small cushion for IC mess ups until I learn the ropes better. The other part I had considered was for the GM's benefit, not my own. Not that I think anyone here needs any help, but I'll explain that. I'm used to GM's asking players to create backgrounds with little hooks in them, things that they can use to build off of and if they want can possibly make either a plot or side plot. I suppose I'm so used to that I wasn't really considering making a background any other way. Honestly, that's all there was to it. *shrugs*

Since I've been getting quite a bit of good correspondence back I've been getting a better idea of what's expected and looked for in this game. As such I've already started re-writing my background, mainly in my head for the moment. What I have done so far though is gone back and fixed just about everything else that was brought up early on that was said needed fixing. Hopefully in the next day or two I'll have the background hashed out and ready for another look over.
 
Thanks for being patient with us, Derek.

I look forward to seeing your new (hopefully final) version.
 
Finally finished with the remodeling of my character. As I said before I'd have to redo about 80% of him over. No problem. As it is basically a completely different character with a different back ground i'm pretty sure I missed something. Hopefully it wont be character altering problems like my first attempt. *lol* Please let me know what you think. I look forward to cleaning up any messes I mite have missed so I can move on and try to find a plot to join.

Respectfully,

Derek
 
Hi Derek,

Okay, just a few nits.

In Distinguishing Features
Typos
Weither hes listening to music, new reports or the latest in technology doesnt matter, hes always got it with him

Whether he is listening to music, new reports or the latest in technology doesn’t matter, he has always got it with him

"green tented glasses" should be tinted.

History

parents gladly excepted should be accepted


Under Communication
"Kan Your character is" remove the Your character

Under Technology Operation
starships. She is proficient should be He is

None of these errors are show stoppers.
This character will be approved for IC usage once Derek makes these changes.
 
Thank you very much! All the mistakes that were listed have been corrected! I really appreciate all the help, consideration and advice. Hope to see you all ICly soon! :mrgreen:
 
Good job Derek,

This character is approved for IC usage.

You need to create your user page, I suggest you review the active plots if you haven't already, and then you need to post a request for orders here.

Good Job and See you around the SARP.
 
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