Approved Character [YSS Eucharis] Samael Darkfire

[Samael]

Character Article URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:samael_darkfire
Preferred Plot's GM: @Wes

 

[Rattenkind]

I'm fairly new to this side myself, but I'd guess that your character won't get approval as he is right now, mainly for the reasons that already have been stated here.
Try to take the critics to heart and put some more work into your character, please. As of now, your character is just beaten up victim of a person, who'd by all means have to be completely mentally unstable with that history (which therefore would most likely not get enlisted into the Star Army), with no significant personality or motivations to make him anything more than a mute.
Please don't understand that as an effort to bash you or your character but as constructive critics to motivate you to improve your creation. I'd love to have your character aboard the Eucharis and interact with him, if he gets some more depth.

 

[Samael]

I am a new player. My character has done ABSOLUTELY nothing. I don't like making up a fake History--I want to RP it and add in the History as it happens. Why is that so hard for everyone to understand? It's a real shame Fort Ready closed down. It would have been nice to actually RP through training rather than to simply assume it was done.

 

[Floodwaters]

People here are trying to help you, let's start with that. We understand you're a new player, and this community is typically very welcoming to newbies. Please don't make a bad impression on them by taking it as hostility or stubbornness.

I completely understand that you want to build your character's history as you go. Really, I do, and I probably speak for everyone when I say that's exactly what the rest of us do, and want you to do too. That said, your character is 21 years old. Are you saying that absolutely nothing ever happened to him at all in two decades? You need to have something to start with. Even people who have led the most drab, mundane lives have stories to tell, experiences to recount, and events that shaped their personality, social outlook, and opinions. With only a few exceptions, I don't think any player (not character) here has fired a gun outside of a shooting range, or flown a fighter jet, or jumped out of a plane. And yet I'm absolutely certain that almost every single person behind the keyboard has things that make them unique and interesting at least to someone.

No one is asking you to create a huge, elaborate backstory (although if you do, great job!). We are asking that you give the readers some idea of what kind of person Sam is. You have the absolute bare bones already, so build on them. What is his favorite color? Does he have any hobbies? Is he an individualist, or does he consider himself as part of a greater whole? Is he religious? Is he stubborn, indecisive, patient? Does he avoid other people because he is shy, because he doesn't trust them, or does he just prefer solitude? Does he dislike ALL parents, or just his own? Why?

Understand that these are just brainstorming questions, not a Q&A session. You can answer any, all, or none of those, and you don't have to answer them to me on this thread, or even right now. Take some time to think it over. Sam's personality will form over time, so you don't have to think of every single thing imaginable, but it will be a HUGE help to you if you start with at least some idea of the kind of person he is. I've had my current character for a year and a half now, and I'm still learning things about her.

 

[Wes]

This bio is kind of hilarious. Born to abusive, unwilling hermits, who were murdered...and the murderers (Geshrin people) were murdered. And their murderer (neko) was murdered by more murderers (Nepleslians)! Everyone's getting murdered on Yamatai!

Alright, so my question is how did this guy not turn out seriously messed up, psychologically speaking? The Star Army tries to avoid recruiting people with mental illness. I'm just saying.

My other comment is that the physical description needs some love. The rule of thumb is try to describe your character well enough that an artist would have the information needed to make a decent drawing.

 

[Riko]

Now that I have that out of the way.

Just a suggestion, If you want your guy to have zero back story or just some bare minium stuff try going with 'fresh out the oven' neko. Its also a great starting tool if your new to RP plus you can make them to pretty much what ever you want.

The mini's are kinda cool too, like nekos but smaller like teacup sized. Can put them in your socks for sleeping bags which is adorable as all hell.

 

[Samael]

Alright, so my question is how did this guy not turn out seriously messed up, psychologically speaking? The Star Army tries to avoid recruiting people with mental illness. I'm just saying.

That's fine. Getting rejected due to mental issues would be totally awesome. About what time would Star Army give Sam the boot? Would they catch it early on and give him the boot to the streets early when he's still a kid or would they wait until he's 18, then kick him out? Would he still be allowed to keep his uniform after being discharged or would that be illegal? Sam doesn't have to be 21. He could be a fresh graduate from the academy--however old that might be.

This bio is kind of hilarious. Born to abusive, unwilling hermits, who were murdered...and the murderers (Geshrin people) were murdered. And their murderer (neko) was murdered by more murderers (Nepleslians)! Everyone's getting murdered on Yamatai!

I could probably remove the part about the neko dying. It's just she isn't exactly a character I can RP and I highly doubt another player would want to be her, so it was either kill her off or have her be one of those characters always on missions who never shows up.

My other comment is that the physical description needs some love. The rule of thumb is try to describe your character well enough that an artist would have the information needed to make a decent drawing.

Sam should look exactly like the new James Kirk from Star Trek (aka Chris Pine without a beard). I could attach a few more images to the profile if that helps. There are lots of Chris on the Internet.

Just a suggestion, If you want your guy to have zero back story or just some bare minium stuff try going with 'fresh out the oven' neko. Its also a great starting tool if your new to RP plus you can make them to pretty much what ever you want.

I would be a terrible neko. XD However, I had considered Sam hitting his head to get a concussion during training and having him wake-up in a hospital with amnesia.

No one is asking you to create a huge, elaborate backstory (although if you do, great job!). We are asking that you give the readers some idea of what kind of person Sam is. You have the absolute bare bones already, so build on them. What is his favorite color? Does he have any hobbies? Is he an individualist, or does he consider himself as part of a greater whole? Is he religious? Is he stubborn, indecisive, patient? Does he avoid other people because he is shy, because he doesn't trust them, or does he just prefer solitude? Does he dislike ALL parents, or just his own? Why?

Sam has no favorite colors. One color is just as important as the other.
Sam has no hobbies as training takes up all his time (or it would if he isn't discharge for being mental).
Sam could swing either way with individualism or part of greater whole cause he simply doesn't care at this point.
Sam only knows what he's taught. I'm not even sure they teach religion at a training academy.
Other people actually avoid Sam. He's weird. Where he is, he's considered an endangered species. Minkan kids are likely to be cruel to him and alienate him simply because he is different.
Sam hates all parents. He hates his parents because they treated him poorly. He hates all the other parents because all they care about are their own kids and have no concern to spare for Sam whatsoever.

 

[Wes]

The psych exams would be conducted prior to enlistment and training (I know you probably wanted him to get military training but let's be realistic here, lol). That would preclude him from serving on the Eucharis.
This brings the question: If he's not in the military, what will be be doing as a job? It is possible, but unlikely, that he could have somehow slipped through. One reason it is unlikely is the military prefers synths like Minkans and Nekos over humans, for obvious reasons.

In regards to pics: please don't upload copyrighted stuff (Chris Pine photos) to the wiki, we're trying to keep things unique here for originality and legality reasons.

 

[Rattenkind]

What I seriously wonder is why you actually want to play such a character. As you discribe him I see only three possibilities in which way he could "develop", when we do reasonable roleplay:

1. He gets psychological treatment. (Best option but why would one want to play that?)
2. He collides with almost everyone or stays a loner. (First is no fun RP to anyone and second no RP at all.)
3. He runs amok or commits suicide.

No offense, but please try to form your character into something playable. You'd do neither yourself nor the other players a favor if you try to play that character as he is now.

 

[Doshii Jun]

@Wes, are you willing to take on this character if he fixes the things you ask for?

Also, I removed the photo from the wiki.

 

[Wes]

Yeah. I don't really need more infantry people on the Eucharis, but I would take on a new player just so he has a place to RP.

Note: If he wants to go with the "tried to join the Army but didn't route there are two new independent plots that are just starting that he could go to.

 

[Samael]

If he's not in the military, what will be be doing as a job?

That's a very good question. There's an Occupations in the Star Army of Yamatai page. However, I have been unable to find an occupations in Yamatai page. Maybe a Merc or Body Guard may work?

I'm not sure what Rattenkind is going on about. No where in Sam's profile did I put that he's some psychotic murderer who runs amok and kills people. Don't be so quick to judge him based on his profile. He just had a poor childhood, is all. That doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. Besides, that's just a bunch of History stuff I made because some people wanted him to have an actual history slapped on the site before I even had a chance to RP him. It doesn't by any means mean that I am bound to keep him a lone wolf for all eternity. People change over time. It is a fact of life. If Sam changes in RP, then he changes. If not, then he doesn't. I'm not going to pre-plan what he is to become now before I even begin RPing--that completely ruins the fun of roleplay.

@@Wes, are you willing to take on this character if he fixes the things you ask for?

Wait, I'm confused. Was there something I was supposed to fix?

* Parents get murdered.
* Nekovalkyrja saves him.
* Nekovalkyrja drops him off at some Military Boarding School.

Then, what? Do they test 7-year-old Sam at the door, decide he's worthless cause he's a human that doesn't talk much, then send him to the streets? This is where it seems we've detoured from his History, so I'm a little confused.

 

[Rattenkind]

I'm not sure what Rattenkind is going on about. No where in Sam's profile did I put that he's some psychotic murderer who runs amok and kills people. Don't be so quick to judge him based on his profile. He just had a poor childhood, is all. That doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. Besides, that's just a bunch of History stuff I made because some people wanted him to have an actual history slapped on the site before I even had a chance to RP him. It doesn't by any means mean that I am bound to keep him a lone wolf for all eternity. People change over time. It is a fact of life. If Sam changes in RP, then he changes. If not, then he doesn't. I'm not going to pre-plan what he is to become now before I even begin RPing--that completely ruins the fun of roleplay.

That's right, you didn't, and I'm sorry if I had myself get carried away on this. It was just the psychology layman's conclusion I made from your characters history as well as the impression I get from your character due to the things you write about him. And that impression was, that Sam's never got any positive influence on his personality not to speak of any noteworthy socialization whatsoever. He had just gotten all the shit, one can get, in his life and this life has a permanent influence on his personality, that wouldn't get fixed by a few good experiences. And no human can take all this shit without suffering some serious psychological consequences, no matter how 'badass' the character might be.
That being said, I completely realize that you made up your characters history in some hurry and becauso others wanted you to. If I offended you with my last post, I'm sorry.
Nonetheless I have to agree with Floodwaters: Your character is at least a young adult, which means he had a life before you start playing him in the RP. That life is what formed him and of what you, because you play him, and we, because we need to interact with him and need an impression how he works, should have at least a basic idea of.
What I'd like you to do is to create a history, that doesn't need to be incredibly complex but could create decently reallistically the character you actually want to play, as well as a personality that goes beyond "I'm a Neko loving loner".
And again, I'm not trying to bash you but to help you. I wouldn't make the effort to write these posts if it were otherwise.

I hope that I'm not overstepping my permissions though, for I am new myself. If I should take a step back, please, dear Admins, tell me.

 

[Samael]

Aw, but Nekos are soooo adorable! XD (Sorry, couldn't help myself.)

I kind of want to keep Sam as close as I can to how he already is in the wiki. Yes, his parents just died, but they meant nothing to him. Their deaths won't scar him for life cause I'm pulling his strings and I simply won't let it (even if it may seem unrealistic). Besides, if it doesn't work out, someone will probably kill him in a few months. By then, I should be more knowledgeable about Star Army and will be able to make a new character with an even better History.

 

[Yoshi]

Their deaths won't scar him for life cause I'm pulling his strings and I simply won't let it (even if it may seem unrealistic).

And right there is the point.

You don't want to build a character that feels real to the universe and the players here, you want a puppet to play with. which real feels insulting to the rest of the players, or at least me, when everyone else wants to create beings that are real and have motivations, dreams, feelings. You have built a cardboard cut out that you want to paste into the universe.

Your character's profile is everything, exspecaly when you first start to play here. We the players don't know your character from Adam and the profile gives us a chance to understand him better. Then with us understanding him better our characters are able to interact with him.

At this point our characters would see a two dimensional image, a ghost of a being, that is inconsistent with their moods and personality. No history for for them to relate to, or really anything to care about. They most likely would then choose to ignore your character and avoid having to interact at all.

 

[Doshii Jun]

If he makes it into the military, which is where the majority of our plots exist (including the Eucharis), he needs to have a military occupation. If he doesn't, then he's a civilian and can't serve on the Eucharis.

What I believe Wes is trying to say is that he recognizes what the Star Army would look for in a servicemember, as Wes is former Army. The character you've described is not one who'd fit in the military. He doesn't appear to have enjoyed his time in school, didn't take very well to the lessons given to him and generally seems like an angry sort.

I'll set aside the somewhat flippant tone of the history, as I understand you didn't want to write it. That said, it won't work right now. I suggest just scrapping it and going back to what you had before. Make him as blank a slate as you like, and fill in the rest via RP.

For what it's worth, Sam, you clearly have a handle on good grammar and spelling.

Other players: If you are not a character approver or a Eucharis GM, please refrain from further comments.

 

[Aendri]

The other remaining big part is the physical description, which still needs to be expanded rather heavily, as has already been mentioned. It's very generic and blank, and a lot of it just doesn't say much. You say he has an athletic build, but nothing more. That could mean anything from a lean runner, to a big body builder, to a bulky football lineman. Athletic means nothing on its own. What kind of facial structure does he have? Does he have a square jaw, or laugh lines next to his eyes? Is his hair curly, or straight?

Like Doshii said, the history needs to go. As it's written, it makes no sense, and is almost insulting.

The explosives skill needs to be reworded a bit. As written now, there's no description of what he can do, it's a lot of actions with no focus. Maybe split it into two sentences?

I'd also encourage you to play around with the skills a bit. The boilerplate stuff is the bare minimum he has to have, but feel free to extrapolate from there. Does he like math? What kind of weapons was he best with? Personalize those skills, rather than just copy pasting.

Only other thing would be adding the inventory. You can just copy paste that, if you'd like, or you can add in a few small items he might have kept from his time before the military.

The biggest thing? Don't treat your characters as though they're disposable. Treat them like they're real people. It makes a huge difference in terms of not only how easy they are to play, but how interested other players will be in interacting with you. And keep in mind, that people can always change. What's written here isn't the only facts that will ever be true about the character, it's just where he is right this moment. That can all change massively as time passes. You'd be amazed at how much some of my characters have changed.

 

[Samael]

Sam scrapped, grinded, and rewritten.

 

[Doshii Jun]

That's good. This character is approved for IC usage.