Star Army

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Approved Character [YSS Sakura II] William Winfield Black-Marx

SirSkully

FM of NDC
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
@Toshiro here's the Nep exchange boi intended to replace Lucii, let me know if there's much I need to fix up, cheers.

(and if anyone was wondering then yes, I already got permission from Club to link this boi to his characters)
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
His occupation is a red link, can you fix that?
 

SirSkully

FM of NDC
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
The occupation was a red link on the page I nabbed it from, should I just turn it into plain text?
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Yeah, thank you, but make it "Marine Sniper" to match the idea Wes was going for there.
 

Toshiro

FM of Yamatai
Game Master
He looks interesting, though I find that you've made his appearance kind of 'special snowflake' a bit without delving into how he got that way. Mis-matched eyes in a clone, and they didn't suspect anything wrong with the cloning until puberty? A big scar on his face without explaining in his history how he got it?

The basic idea is nice, but I'd like to see his appearance better balanced with his history. If his appearance exists solely to make him stand out, I'd recommend seeking a way to make him stand out once RP starts rather than getting too hung up with the facial appearance.
 

SirSkully

FM of NDC
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
That's fair enough, most of my characters end up looking like just average Joes so I figured I would get a bit funky with this - I may have glanced over some parts in the process though, I'll post when I've fixed it up a bit.
 

SirSkully

FM of NDC
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
I fixed it up a bit, said that his father had a less intense form of heterochromidia (one eye brown the other hazel) and that the scar was something he got when he was going through bootcamp - the appearance I gave him isn't just something to make him stand out, I'm not expecting characters to just go up to him and go "woah, cool" considering how strange Nekos and other species can look (hell, even Neps with cybernetics), rather I just had a cool idea for the cloning thing and his atypical appearance stemmed off from that,

So anyway yeah, does that cover it a bit better?
 

Toshiro

FM of Yamatai
Game Master
Definitely better. I just noticed that the Star Army of Yamatai didn't exist until YE 22, so the years for Fae's service there don't really work. She was likely in one of its predecessor militaries, either the Army of Uesureya (Ground forces) or the UE Spacy (Space forces). The metal rods in his arm and plate in the back of his skull still aren't explained, but that sort of thing is common to Nepleslian soldiers and doesn't alter his outward appearance to the point of needing elaboration like the massive facial scar and the heterochromia.

Besides, you might want to keep that under your hat in case a cool backstory idea strikes you later.

Provided Fae's military service is changed to jive with the timeline, I'm satisfied with this character.
 

SirSkully

FM of NDC
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
Alright I fixed that bit up, I sometimes forget that the SAoY hasn't been around forever lol - for the metal rods and plate in his body yeah I basically didn't want to come up with a solid reason for them being there just yet in case a better idea came a long, so you got that spot on.

Cheers for being so helpful though ^^
 

Toshiro

FM of Yamatai
Game Master

Orders up!
 
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