Zanven Brax
Well-Known Member
New character, needs polished, but this is the bones.
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:zazriel
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:zazriel
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Approved Character [YSS Wyvern] Zazriel
- Thread starter Zanven Brax
- Start date
Ethereal
Banned Member
Hey Zanven!
Just a few changes to make ><
Asking @FrostJaeger for a check over because I'm not clued up enough into the Caelisolian Project to know if their names would be scrubbed etc.
Other than that, DoB, personality, social connections and everything else looks great, skills is enough because it's an optional section anyway
Once you make those few changes reply to notify me here. If Frost doesn't reply by the weekend I'll approve it provisionally until he does once it's been changed, though I have every confidence he will.
For now,
Pending Changes
Just a few changes to make ><
- If you could add a link for the YSE and the year that'd be great.
- It looks like the formatting on the physical description is a little funky with the :'s if you want to give that a look over.
- The "h" in height needs to be capitalised.
- "valor. Acting" is a little grammatical error there.
- Inventory header is broken.
Asking @FrostJaeger for a check over because I'm not clued up enough into the Caelisolian Project to know if their names would be scrubbed etc.
Other than that, DoB, personality, social connections and everything else looks great, skills is enough because it's an optional section anyway
Once you make those few changes reply to notify me here. If Frost doesn't reply by the weekend I'll approve it provisionally until he does once it's been changed, though I have every confidence he will.
For now,
Pending Changes
Zanven Brax
Well-Known Member
Fixed
FrostJaeger
Banned Member
@Zanven Brax - here's my (very belated >.<) review of Zazriel.
Besides the above, it looks like you're ready to book em', Danno.
- Given that character articles are OOC documents, would you mind adding a surname to Zazriel and his family, please? The following generators are, in my humble opinion, pretty good sources of inspiration:
- Would you mind using the Elysian placeholder art, please?
- For Zazriel to be 21, he would have had to have been born in YE 18, not YE 09.
- For the Physical Description section:
- Tattoos unfortunately are something that's frowned upon in Elysia - especially by Patricians.
- Would you mind elaborating on the "home invasion" mentioned here in the History section, please?
- For the History section:
- What was Zazriel's relationship with his family while growing up?
- What effect (if any) did the Fourth Elysian War, the Second Mishhuvurthyar War, and/or the Battle of Elysia have on Zazriel?
- For the Skills Learned section, would you mind adding three more character skill areas (each with one or two sentence's worth of description), please? I'd recommend taking the following:
- Medical & Science
- Knowledge: Law
- One of your choice
- For the Social Connections section:
- Did Zazriel make any friends and/or enemies during his four years of service? If so, would you mind adding their names and species, please?
- Would you mind adding the ages of Zazriel's family members, please?
Besides the above, it looks like you're ready to book em', Danno.
Zanven Brax
Well-Known Member
Updates:
Date of birth
Family info
New contacts
Skills
Cleaned up history and polished character
Date of birth
Family info
New contacts
Skills
Cleaned up history and polished character
FrostJaeger
Banned Member
Having looked over the aforementioned updates, as the Faction Manager of Elysia I APPROVE Zazriel Sura for usage within the roleplay.
