What's new
  • If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 April 2024 is YE 46.3 in the RP.

Rejected Character Agustin Bash

This suggestion has been closed. Votes are no longer accepted.
Greetings and welcome to SARP, I am the Faction Manager of the Abwehran Star Empire and Game Master of the 69th Paramilitary Squad. Thank you for taking an interest in the Abwehrans species.

I've noticed that your list of preferred plots includes the Bounty Hunter Series, the LSDF Akahar, and the NSV Gam'trosha. The Gam'trosha is a plot run by Kalshion and is from a species that has currently not made first contact with any other faction in SARP, so it might not be a viable options unless Kalshion decides to make an exception. The LSDF Akahar is a Lorath Matriarchy vessel and hasn't made any treaties or alliances that would allow an active military person from the Abwehran Armed Forces onto it, though again --- Luca might have ideas on how it could fly. The Bounty Hunter Series is a plot run by Foxtrot813 and it would be the easiest plot for a Field Agent to enter, though I would speak to him for ideas.

I would love another character for the 69th Paramilitary Squad, which is currently the only Abwehran faction plot available. However, it is currently closed while I renovate the Abwehran Character Creation Guide.

Now for the Character:

  • Nachrichtendienst - I normally prefer to have Nachrichtendienst Agents (the Intelligence Branch of the Abwehran Armed Forces) played by experienced writers of SARP. However, I'm willing to waive it.

  • Abwehrans and Cybernetics - Abwehrans have a great deal of difficulty with cybernetics due to their resilient immune system (which attacks foreign particles rather viciously). In order for Abwehrans to have implants/cybernetics, they must take an immune-suppressant. This dulls the immune system and causes Abwehrans to be more susceptible to illnesses. It would definite make interacting with the character interesting and would add to your characters depth if you mentioned it.

  • Wheelchair Bound - This is, by far, the biggest issue I have with the character. To be wheelchair bound while actively in the military is something that doesn't happen in real life. Even with four arms, an Abwehran would be a liability in combat if his legs did not work. In the case of the Nachrichtendienst, they might employ Agents that have been immobilized as Analysts if they have the capability for it. He could be ex-Nachrichtendienst or even a civilian, but not active military.

  • Background - Why would seeing his family induce a coma? How did he get so badly injured? How was his childhood and his military training? These things could be fleshed out.

  • Skills - Starting every boilerplate with "This is from" seems a bit much and some variation in wording would go a long way. Many of these don't describe the level of ability he has in these skills. You might also want to replace the word 'Rouge' with 'Rogue'.

  • Formatting - When linking the Nachrichtendienst article to your character sheet, I would suggest using [[abwehran star empire:military:nch:nachrichtendienst]] as the wiki code.
Over all, the character needs some work and Game Masters need to be consulted. But if you put a bit of effort into it, this could be a good character.

Some suggested reading material:

 
Please look at my character profile now, I think it's up to par now but can you check it and tell me what to do or add
now?
@Abwehran Commander
Abwehran Commander said:
Greetings and welcome to SARP, I am the Faction Manager of the Abwehran Star Empire and Game Master of the 69th Paramilitary Squad. Thank you for taking an interest in the Abwehrans species.

I've noticed that your list of preferred plots includes the Bounty Hunter Series, the LSDF Akahar, and the NSV Gam'trosha. The Gam'trosha is a plot run by Kalshion and is from a species that has currently not made first contact with any other faction in SARP, so it might not be a viable options unless Kalshion decides to make an exception. The LSDF Akahar is a Lorath Matriarchy vessel and hasn't made any treaties or alliances that would allow an active military person from the Abwehran Armed Forces onto it, though again --- Luca might have ideas on how it could fly. The Bounty Hunter Series is a plot run by Foxtrot813 and it would be the easiest plot for a Field Agent to enter, though I would speak to him for ideas.

I would love another character for the 69th Paramilitary Squad, which is currently the only Abwehran faction plot available. However, it is currently closed while I renovate the Abwehran Character Creation Guide.

Now for the Character:

  • Nachrichtendienst - I normally prefer to have Nachrichtendienst Agents (the Intelligence Branch of the Abwehran Armed Forces) played by experienced writers of SARP. However, I'm willing to waive it.

  • Abwehrans and Cybernetics - Abwehrans have a great deal of difficulty with cybernetics due to their resilient immune system (which attacks foreign particles rather viciously). In order for Abwehrans to have implants/cybernetics, they must take an immune-suppressant. This dulls the immune system and causes Abwehrans to be more susceptible to illnesses. It would definite make interacting with the character interesting and would add to your characters depth if you mentioned it.

  • Wheelchair Bound - This is, by far, the biggest issue I have with the character. To be wheelchair bound while actively in the military is something that doesn't happen in real life. Even with four arms, an Abwehran would be a liability in combat if his legs did not work. In the case of the Nachrichtendienst, they might employ Agents that have been immobilized as Analysts if they have the capability for it. He could be ex-Nachrichtendienst or even a civilian, but not active military.

  • Background - Why would seeing his family induce a coma? How did he get so badly injured? How was his childhood and his military training? These things could be fleshed out.

  • Skills - Starting every boilerplate with "This is from" seems a bit much and some variation in wording would go a long way. Many of these don't describe the level of ability he has in these skills. You might also want to replace the word 'Rouge' with 'Rogue'.

  • Formatting - When linking the Nachrichtendienst article to your character sheet, I would suggest using [[abwehran star empire:military:nch:nachrichtendienst]] as the wiki code.
Over all, the character needs some work and Game Masters need to be consulted. But if you put a bit of effort into it, this could be a good character.

Some suggested reading material:

Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
There are still some formatting issues:

Also, have you contacted the GMs of your preferred plots? It's quite important that you find out if there is an availability before going further. One method of contact is via Private Message the forum has (or Conversations). Another is checking to see if they are in the IRC chat, which can be accessed from the chat tab.
 
@Abwehran Commander

How is this?
I tried to start a conversation with foxtrot813 but it couldn't find them.
Abwehran Commander said:
There are still some formatting issues:

Also, have you contacted the GMs of your preferred plots? It's quite important that you find out if there is an availability before going further. One method of contact is via Private Message the forum has (or Conversations). Another is checking to see if they are in the IRC chat, which can be accessed from the chat tab.
Click to expand...
 
Hi, Agustni, I'm Foxtrot 813 and I'm the GM of Bounty Hunts. I should probably look at this subforum more frequently, as I only look at it when someone who's interested in joining my plot tells me through the IRC or the PM.

That said, I'm also sorry to tell you that Bounty Hunts is currently full with six players, plus me and my Co-GM, taking it to a total of eight; Sorry that you put all that effort in the character and have to be told that, but I had received no early warning that you wished to join the plot.

If you still want to join BH, I would suggest waiting for the current arc to end, but that's really your call.
 
Hey @Foxtrot 813
I think I'll wait for the story arc to end, do you have any idea when that could be?
Foxtrot 813 said:
Hi, Agustni, I'm Foxtrot 813 and I'm the GM of Bounty Hunts. I should probably look at this subforum more frequently, as I only look at it when someone who's interested in joining my plot tells me through the IRC or the PM.

That said, I'm also sorry to tell you that Bounty Hunts is currently full with six players, plus me and my Co-GM, taking it to a total of eight; Sorry that you put all that effort in the character and have to be told that, but I had received no early warning that you wished to join the plot.

If you still want to join BH, I would suggest waiting for the current arc to end, but that's really your call.[/
Click to expand...
 
Hard to say right now, as there are still a few missions to go. So a couple of months at minimum depending on the pace.
 
Also if I am not mistaken in open-forums, Floodwaters is opening another freelance plot so that might be a place for you to play. Of course if we get a free spot on BH, we will see if you will be still interested then. Anyway welcome to Star Army!
 
I think this guy got scared off or something. He hasn't been online since March. Moving to the rejected pile.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
Back
Top