"Chemical propelled" weapons are a sub-group of projectile weapons, with arrows, darts, and mass drivers, and would go under "Firearms", not "Fighting and Physical", which holds martial arts/fighting styles, fitness level, and melee weapons.Doshii Jun said:1. Keep the Communication skill at full capacity — he should be able to operate ship comms (well enough), but definitely power armor and shuttles.
2. To say August excels in Fighting and Physical when it comes to handheld weapons of the "chemically propelled type ... " ehhhh. OK.
That should be under his personality. Unless it specifically pertains to him never giving up in seemingly hopeless tactical situations, and nothing else (say...torture?), in which case, who cares if it's here? I still think it should be under his personality description.Doshii Jun said:3. Under Strategy: "His spirit can almost never be broken ... " What's that mean and why is it there?
Good question, no comment.Doshii Jun said:4. Violin? When did he learn to play? Where? What got him into it in the first place?
It was my understanding that no one could have the Leadership quality for any characters until they reached a certain level of seniority and showed their talent for RP on the site, possibly because of the exploitation of such a skill. And it is rarely shown in new recruits, often not at all.Doshii Jun said:5. Leadership ... I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from. The first half repeats Strategy to some degree (aware of surroundings, plotting battlefield tactics by knowing what's happening on both sides) and his enthusiasm. But then you go into "stranglehold on dominate positions in squads." I don't get that.
And does no one discipline him?
As long as you work on it, Truth, yeah, you could be fine. Otherwise, give me the word and I could look over this profile and adjust the comma/phrasing difficulties. Doshii know I'm a grammar nut : )Doshii Jun said:6. I've hesitated to mention this before, but your grammar and spelling are ... wonky. Not the worst I've ever seen, but you use odd phrasings and a lot of comma splicing ("August never really had a family, but he did have two little sisters, which he loved dearly, his mom and dad were always away or drunk.." ... sted "August never really had a family, but he did have two little sisters, which he loved dearly. His mom and dad were always away or drunk.")
a. "he was never doing anything fun or special because he was taking care of his sisters," sted "he never did anything fun or special ..."
b. "A little too eager to get into trouble and responsibilities, a very ambitious young man and quite the socializer, but not to the point of a ladies man, rather of a good friend, somebody you can really trust, he even has a rebellious side to him."
I bring this up because the potential I see in you is quite real, and I don't want people to nag you for grammar stuff, especially when it's this borderline. Remember that most sentences shouldn't pile over 20 words and you'll be OK.
Yay!Doshii Jun said:Otherwise, you're very nearly there.
This character is in progress.
MissingNo said:"Chemical propelled" weapons are a sub-group of projectile weapons, with arrows, darts, and mass drivers, and would go under "Firearms", not "Fighting and Physical", which holds martial arts/fighting styles, fitness level, and melee weapons.
SUBLIMEinal said:Yeah, I thought the same thing about the last name.
As for the bio, the personality is very good, and the History reads fairly well. As for his leadership, correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds as though his technique is grabbing command of the squad from the CO.
Other than that, I think everything else checks out pretty well.
Approved.
PS. You have no idea how long I've wanted to approve something. It's fuckin' awesome.
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