Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.
Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.
If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
In what was probably the most unusual two weeks for a YNP team that had thwarted an attempted kidnapping of a government official, there was a lot of anger from the upper-levels. Not one single assailant had been apprehended. Robotic accomplices recovered from the scene had been remotely wiped. The network connection they'd been using had been manually wiped at the terminal. By a ghost, it seemed.
There was no one to execute, no one to arrest, no one to even file charges against. This of course meant that all that backlash had to be sent somewhere. And the lowly Special Investigations Unit was perfect for the role of the punching bag.
If there was a form, they'd all filed it twice. Individual and group accountability sessions were held. Shizu walked out of the first one, and her job with a casual, "Yeah, I'm not really into all this."
Then there was Araiah. As a Lieutenant, and the head of the squad, she was hit the hardest. 'Suspension' is the professional term. For the last two weeks she'd been out of the office and every attempt she'd made to access the database and look for leads was met with harsh resistance from YNP technicians with nothing better to do than piss off suspended agents.
And so, after the rigamarole of paperwork and oppressive internal investigations into the matter, only four were left. The morning that things were supposed to go back to normal...
Sashi, Trudy, Aundrea, and Sera showed up to an empty office. Araiah's desk was still empty for the time being, and each of the others' desks had been arranged into a block in the center of the room. As soon as the clock struck seven-hundred hours, Sashi's cushy rear end was already planted in his chair and his fingers were plucking away at the first report of the day: he'd ticketed a smoker in the park on his way home the previous night.
Andrea sat on her chair already. She slept at the station and it was not very long sleep too. Her feet was on the table and she set up a stack of papers in reach of her hands. Picking up one sheet she promptly made a ball out of it, crushing it with her hands. Then she threw it at a garbage bin in the corner. The bin was fairly full of paper now and besieged by a ten other balls, noting that her aim was off every now and then. This time she hit square on, the paper flying in the bin.
Andrea sighed and took a puff on her electronic cigarette. Then she sighed again. Shizu was not returning her calls and that sucked. There was another try on love that turned badly. It turned badly faster then any other, this time she did not even get fool around with the Shizu.
Andrea crushed another piece of paper into a ball and tossed it. This time she hit Sashi's chest. "Osu," she greeted the boy. "How's it hanging? Thank for writing those boring parts of our reports for me. You know if Araiah won't get back, they might make you the boss of this group of misfits."
"I, um, I don't think so." Sashi replied softly, really drawing out the girliness in his already soft voice. He sat up really tall in his chair to peek over the top of the volumetric display he'd set up at Andrea. His blue eyes seemed almost frightened, looking widely back across at her.
"I mean, yeah you guys are mostly fresh to the Agency," he explained, "But I messed up big-time to get transfered here. There's no way they'll trust me with a squad right now."
Trudy quietly sat at her desk scribbling out sections on various forms sipping on a cup of hot coco. The past two weeks had been a long one for her, she pry had arranged and re-arranged her desk at least fourteen times just to take a break from the massive amounts of paperwork. Today however seemed different or at least Trudy thought so, or maybe it was the hope that she wouldn't have to fill out another Parking Violation Form #27 Subsection 4 Parts 8-27 Pertaining to Hover and Wheeled Vehicles Under 1500 Lbs for a long long time.
Setting down her mug she let out a long sigh, twirling her pen around in her hand a few times as she let her mind wander around for a bit. Snapping herself back to reality she pushed herself out from her desk and leaned out of the cubicle she had secluded herself in.
"Anything aside from traffic reports and violations on the Lt's desk for us to fill out or look at? Hell I'll take a takeout menu if its up there, tired of reading these damn things."
"Do what I do," Andrea said to Trudi. "Don't read it. There is no supervision on us right now. Just take it easy in the days and join the uniforms at evening at nights. That is when most shit takes place. Time to do more important police work, then just giving people parking tickets."
"Oh and by the way you are only one here with some rank honey," She told to Sashi, hitting him in the forehead with another paper-ball. "And another by the way. I am in the force for ten years. It is not my problem that these fake bodies makes us all look like we are twenty."
Sera was running late when she busted into the office carrying a large box of dough-nuts and a rack of coffee cups on the top. It had mud splatters on it and all over her. She was grumbling something about her freaking bike and the asreholelic drivers out there. "Sorry.... Here Some grub..." She dropped the box on her desk and stripped her cycle-jacket off dropping it onto the back of her chair.
"So Boss-man, what did I miss?" She asked Sashi as she dropped into her chair and started pulling documents from her top drawer. The Fatboy weapon she had confiscated from the attack was still leaning up against her desk. She was still working on the paper work to make it her official side arm. Sera was sure that she would be able to get it approved but the damned triplicate forms where driving her nuts.
As the smell of frosted pastries wafted into the room, Trudy made a beeline towards the box and began to help herself to the doughnuts and coffee. Sorting though the box she grabbed a chocolate long john and began to nibble at it slowly picking up the pace. By the time she had half of the baked good in her mouth she realized that Sera had spoken to her.
"Hmph waa?" She said her mouth still occupied with the pastry. Taking a moment she quickly swallowed it, washing it down with a gulp of coffee. "Oh well hello to her too. Beeka right?" She said raising her ears and cocking her head to the side as she thought about the name.
"Yes... She hounds me every night about what i have been doing... She knows your my partner." She smiled at the office with the pastry stuffed in her face. "There is fresh coffee there too, not that our office pot is bad, but I thought I would treat the crew."
Sashi squinted hard when the second paper-ball pegged him right between the eyes. He was about to explain the difference between being 'on the force' in the YNP and being in the Special Investigations section when Sera arrived. He was still wiping that 'spider-web' look off of his face when she called him 'boss-man'.
"Why does everyone think I'm in charge all of a sudden? And why is everyone being so mean to me today?" He whined girlishly, trying to focus on his work again.
That's when a pair of aviators floated into the room on the face of the most silken features that'd ever graced a five o' clock shadow. He was a smart-looking, gritty detective, a Nepleslian man straight out of hard-boiled manga with a long kahki trenchcoat and a grey fedora. His badge hung on a ball-chain over a loosened tie and brown blazer. And he was quick on his wits, too.
"That's b'cause you're so easy to pick on, Pumkin." His voice rang sexily out, like watermelons rolling down a sidewalk. But he didn't stay on Sashi long. He had business to attend to.
"Alright, ladies, the big dogs are finally slingin' something your way, and I'm on babysitting duty." He informed the gang. "I'm Lieutenant Buck Ladydick, from Unit Six. That's right, Unit Six. The best unit. Pumkin, fill 'em in on Buck Ladydick."
"Oh, heavens, no..." Sashi moaned, already squinting as if another paper ball had hit him between the eyes. The young YNP agent rose from his chair and spread his arms to his three co-workers so he could recite what seemed like a well-practiced routine. "Um, El-tee Ladydick doesn't like late unless it's fashionably late, so get a sexy watch."
"Go on, Pumkin." Ladydick waved his hands in a circling motion.
"El-tee Ladydick doesn't have time for malarky, so if you have a question, look it up. If you can't find it, shoulder the work off on someone other than him."
"Keep it up, Pumkin."
"El-tee Ladydick, um, is not interested in talking about Nepleslia. He is not a tour guide. El-tee Ladydick is not available for dates with men. If you are a woman who is interested in El-tee Ladydick, you can wait for him to approach you."
"Almost there, Pumkin." By this point, the honorable 'El-tee Ladydick' was leaning back with his arms clenched on either side of his waist, imitating an animal ready to spring.
"El-tee Ladydick is not here for you. He is here for Yamatai. El-tee Ladydick loves the Empress more than you do. El-tee Ladydick takes his coffee with three sugars and two creams. Finally El-tee Ladydick is not a change machine but will gladly lend you ten KS at a ten percent daily interest rate." Sashi finally finished his speech, bowed, and took his place back at his chair. The effiminate investigator wiped a bit at his eyes, but there was no real way to get the shame from saying 'Ladydick' ten times out of your face.
"Alright, fantastic!" Buck cheered, pumping his fists, "If I hear my name one more time without a few minutes to recover, I might just shit my pants."
The hard-boiled stereotype flicked his wrist and pulled the aviators off of his chiseled cheek-bones, revealing the eyes that won 'Most Sexy and Intense Eyes' three years running in the precinct yearbook. He found his way with one of Sera's doughnuts in hand to Ariah's old desk and shoved half of her stuff into a cardboard box to make room for his feet. From his new throne, Ladydick eyed the four of them.
"Okay, Ladies," He barked, "We're about to deal with some real Foreign Affairs shit, so we're waiting on a SAINT liason to roll in. Until then, we're gonna sit around and pretend to work and maybe complain about the snack machine in the hall. Any questions?"
Sashi raised his hand.
"What if I like the snack machine in the hall?"
In true Andrea form, Buck threw an ink-pen that struck Sashi squarely in the nose.
Still a bit peeved from her commute into work Sera had to smart off at the new Lt. She sat through his whole presentation on Ladydick, slowly coming up with a good one, "So LT? What did you screw up to get sent here?"
The handsome lieutenant didn't reply immediately. He seemed to be caught up and something he was doing on his communicator, his thumbs atwitter across either side of the device.
Eventually, as if coming out of a trance, Buck cleared his throat and replied, "Drew the short straw."
"Fuuuuuuuck," sighed our Andrea as she heard the voice. She hid her face with a nice slow facepalm and so far it worked. The ex-nepleslian woman hoped to never see this jackarse again and now he was here as her bloody lieutenant. Well there was no time waiting and hiding. She had to face him sooner or later.
"Buck Ladidick," She said looking up at him, he still looked pretty much the same and acted the same. She could not believe he was here. "You got fatter."
"Hmm?" Buck's eyes took a moment to focus on Andrea after he'd been focusing on his communicator so frequently. He shifted his perfect features to the agent with a confident and knowing smile as the recognition came to him.
"Carver." He said, "I heard you were sniffing empty sake bottles in an alleyway somewhere, never to be seen or heard from again. And now, here you are, a step up-- Special Investigations!"
Buck took his feet off of Araiah's desk and leaned over it to examine Andrea for any changes he could comment on. "Of course," He chided, "It's not really a step up to be in Unit Four. It's really the Agency's garbage heap. A place for the lovable characters we just can't get rid of or the newcomers who we just can't trust with actual work."
Ladydick tossed another pen at Sashi and barked at his girly former-colleague, "Ain't that right, Pumkin?"
Sashi just moaned and kept typing away at the report he'd finished, intent on not answering Buck in the affirmative. Beneath his breath, Sashi whimpered, "I'm not garbage. I'm not garbage. I'm not garbage."
Andrea smiled looking at Ladydick. She then hit her knee as if she was having fun. Then she hit hit him in the belly. "HAHAHA Buck, you are real funny." She said hitting her leg again. She then opened a drawer and took out a bottle of scotch.
"Do me a favour and stop being arsehole. We get it you are a big bad LT." She said and poured a drink for herself and Buck. "Here drink this and chill."
"Andrea, nuuu!" Sashi cried desperately, his blonde swoosh of hair quivering in fear, "You can't drink on-duty!"
"Hey, I wasn't sayin' nothin' to you, Carver." Buck interrupted, suddenly looking hurt. It was fake, of course. He was too beautiful to feel pain. "You said I was fat. I just struck back to see how you like it. Can't help it I'm just better at insults than you are."
"Excuse me," Sashi broke in again, standing up in his chair, "Does anyone here care about the rules? We're never going to lose our bad reputation if we go around breaking them all the time, and besides--"
"Can it, Pumkin. Or I'll get Sasha to come in here and sit on your lap and call you 'Sa-tan' and play with your hair." By this time, Ladydick was getting back to his seat at Araiah's desk with a grumpy expression. He hadn't taken the scotch, but he wasn't going to cite Andrea on it, either. "Everyone just pretend to work until the SAINT agent shows up."
"That is because insults are the only thing you are good at." Andrea fought back and downed her drink, putting the glass back in the drawer. Her eyes then looked at Sashi. "Calm down honey, nothing is going on. Plus all the alcohol is going to be gone from my blood in ten minutes if I want to. Why don't you have a drink too to ease up a bit." Andrea leaned forward and handed the other glass that was still full to Sashi.
"No. No way am I drinking on duty." Sashi cried again, crumpling up completely in his chair. The young investigator folded his arms over his head and squeezed himself up against the surface of the desk, looking like he was the one who'd been punched in the stomach.
"I can't believe this." He moaned, "You're supposed to be better than that."
"Look now," Andrea said and leaned back setting the glass on the table. "If you can just filter it out right away there is no problem. Anyway Sera, what do we do with that chainsaw?" Andrea asked, stood up and walked to a box by the wall. She reached in and took out the big bloody industrial chainsaw that was used against them during the attack on the mayor.
They often say that in the morning, the city of Kyoto is a magnificent sight to behold. 'They' probably never had to drive through the insane traffic of morning communters or sit at an intersection for ten minutes while a cargo ship with a pagoda built on top of it trundled through at half the speed of smell. They probably never drove heading east, either, the sun burning a lasting brown spot in their vision. Not that Kyoto is unpleasant. The capitol city of the Yamataian Star Empire is clean, well-kept, and thoroughly organized. Located next to a sprawling metropolitan courtyard, the YNP headquarters acts as both a symbol of authority and a way-station for the local area police. Home to the offices of YNP's various Special Investigations Units, it is itself a rather large building-- though dwarfed by those which surround it. Parking is a nightmare if you don't have access to the motor-pool; one often would rather pay the inevitable parking ticket than wade through the acres and acres of occupied spaces in the public garage.
If one were to arrive in an official SAINT shuttle, on the other hand, parking wouldn't be an issue. In fact, at the time of our story, a particular SAINT shuttle had just arrived and deposited its passenger directly at the front door before flying away. Full clearance to the airspace. No parking tickets, no rush hour traffic. The perks of government employment.
Isamu Makoto, Santo Juni and SAINT Operative stepped up to the entryway intro t he YNP building. She had been here before on brief occasions when there had been need to relay sensitive information between the National Police and SAINT that could not be sent over wireless communications. Now though was different. Makoto was being detached from her assignments at SAINT operations and sent to work directly with one Special Investigations Unit 4 as a direct liason. The purple haired NH-27 was taller than most at six foot one and her striking atomic green eyes took in the her surroundings as she crossed the foyer to the front desk and the attending clerk.
"Good morning, and welcome to YNP Headquarters, Kyoto Division." A younger-looking Neko mounted the counter. When I say younger-looking, I mean that pedophiles would love this girl. She had close-cropped blond hair, didn't stand over five feet, and held a lanky frame not unlike that of a thirteen-year-old boy. And that smile; oh, that smile. She seemed entirely unfazed by the SAINT uniform. Instead, she seemed more impressed by Makoto's height, leaning back to take her all in. "I'm Junko. How can I help you today, ma'am?"
"I am hear to meet with the officer in charge of Special Investigations Unit 4" she replied. "I am Santo Juni Isamu, I should have an appointment" she bowed politely.
Junko bowed back and rose to her standing position, already tacking away at a volumetric interface. "Let me just look up your information... Let's see, Unit Four?" Junko made a sucking-in noise after she said the unit number, wincing like she'd recieved a needle to the toe. "Lieutenant Araiah is in charge, but it says here that she's on suspension... Let me just..."
Suddenly, Junko's eyes popped, and a sensual and knowing smile crossed her face. "It seems," She said with a new sort of purr in her tone, "That the Temporary Unit Commander is Lieutenant Ladydick. Lucky you, he's a real hunk."
Makoto raised an eyebrow. "I see" she said. "What happened to have Lieutenant Araiah suspended? I was expecting to report in to this person" the Operative responded and pushed her round lensed glasses back up her nose.
"It seems her unit was in charge of protecting the Mayor earlier this month." Junko replied softly, her mind still on Ladydick, "There was some trouble, but they let the perpetrators escape. She's been placed on unpaid leave until the investigation of that incident is complete."
"Unfortunate" Makoto replied. "Then, can I be directed to the teporary unit commander, please."
"Of course." Junko replied, then bowed again for added effect. "Just take the elevator to the thirteenth floor and head down the hall. Third door on the left."
"Thank you, Junko" Makoto nodded, then turned and departed for the elevator. She crossed the distance quickly, tapped the button, then stepped into the car as soon as the doors hissed open. Inside she selected the thirteenth floor and waited for the lift car to travel to it's destination, which it arrived at after a few moments. Deposited on the approptiate floor she walked down to the hall to the designated room and opened the door.
She was greeted by the sight of four desks arranged into a block in front of one large desk at the end of the room, upon which was seated one of the most beautiful and handsome detectives to ever grace the halls of the YNP Headquarters. It was the famous Detective Ladydick of Unit Six, texting away on his communicator. Of course, everyone in Unit Six was famous. One of the tables was empty right now, its occupant obviously a woman standing aside by the wall. She was of average height, her features seemed nepleslian. Funnily though, she had elven ears stickign out of her messy hazelnut coloured hair. In her hand was an industrial chainsaw and she smoked electronic cigarette. Her eyes went to Makoto as she walked in, but she did not say anything for now. Across from her sat a girly blonde-haired, blue-eyed young man wearing a completely uneccesary YNP uniform in perfect condition. Said young man had his head pressed against the desk, wrapped in his hands-- nearly on the verge of tears over something.
Sera was finishing up her last paper that would allow the use of her new fatboy. She picked it up and set it onto her desk. She was sure that LT. Ladybits.... part... What ever he was a putz, She was sure he screwed up somewhere and was sent down here to help fill the gap as much as punishment.
Standing next to her, Agent Yoketsumaru finished inhaling the doughnut she was eating and started drinkting the coffee that was also offered. She had forgotten to get breakfast on her way out of her apartment even though her girlfriend Lilly had pestered her about it before she even got out of the shower. Fact of the matter was that she was too distracted from the sugary baked delights and fresh brewed coffee to notice the newcomer come in.
Makoto paused, taking in the collection of people that inhabited the room before she stepped in and walked up to the commander's desk. "Isamu Makoto, Santo Juni reporting as lieason between Special Investigations 4 and SAINT Operations" she said crisply and produced a tablet with her official orders.
"Oh, hey, look everyone-- It's the SAINT agent!" Buck cheered, snatching the tablet out of Makoto's hand with a hardy grin.
"Osu," Andrea greeted the SAINT agent back. "I am Andrea," She added, but then looked back to Sera. "So what do we do with this thing?" Andrea hefted the large chainsaw. "We could carry it in car. Might be handy."
"Mount it to the front of my bike." Sera saw matter-the-factly, as she torn apart her fatboy.
"It's evidence." Sashi provided, finally pulling his head out from the makeshift cradle he'd made with his arms, "You have to tag it until the case is over."
"Ahem, Ladies!" Buck Ladydick didn't think they'd heard him properly. Because no one ignores Buck Ladydick. "I said, 'The SAINT agent is here'. That means we can all stop pretending to work and actually friggin' work. Stop playing with the evidence and gather round', make nice with the Lady from The Government, and listen to the damn assignment."
Andrea who actually greeted the agent even just frowned and let the cutting equipment fall back into its box with audible CLUNK. She then walked to her table and sat down, putting her feet on the desk again. She puffed on her e-cig and looked at Makoto, raising her eyebrows in anticipation.
"I just wanted to say," Sashi said because he just wanted to, "That I love your hair, Miss Isamu."
Makoto raised a purple eyebrow. "Thank you... Mr..?"
Sashi whipped himself into a proper police salute and stood perfectly straight, he introduced himself with an effeminate and enthusiastic bark. "Sergeant Tamayamo Sashi, Investigator, Special Investigations Unit Four!"
Hearing Buck say that the SAINT agent was in, Trudy quickly made herself presentable before quickly sitting at her desginated spot at the table, quickly putting all of the office supplies around her in a neat and orderly mannor before wiping a bit of chocolate off of the corner of her mouth. She sat quietly and waited to hear what the game plan was for today.
Sera gagged and stuck her finger down her throat when the new LT started hitting on Isamu.
Makoto was taking mental notes on everyone in the room, their mannerisms, their level of pressionalism, or in the case of a few here, lack of and recorded it all to her digital brain for later comparison to their files. She turned her attention back to the unit commander. "What orders do you have, Lieutenant?"
Buck tacked a few keys on Makoto's tablet, then handed it back to her and looked around to make sure everyone was paying attention. He cleared his throat and read out the situation from the top of his memory. "Last night, around three in the morning, we recieved a noise complaint at the precint in the next prefecture over about a lot of racket coming from a warehouse in the middle of an industrial park. Figuring it had to be awful to be annoying to factory workers, they actually dispatched a team. When the team showed up, all they found was a bunch of dead Freespacers, Nepleslians, and a single Yamataian. Initial examination of the scene linked it to similar patterns we've seen before in the safehouse of an IWL cell."
Ladydick crossed around the desk plucked his fedora up, twirling it on one hand while he waited for it to set in.
"Suicide or murder," Asked Andrea as soon as Ladydick stopped talking to take a breath. Now it finally seemed, like they were about to do some good old police work.
"Good ole' fashioned murder." Was the reply, Ladydick's fedora still twirling on the end of one finger, "Mostly stab-wounds, some blunt trauma. We've already taken some thorough scans of the area and the scene itself, construcing a perfect virtual model. Of course, there's nothing as good as seeing it in person, and due to the sensitive nature of the crime it's been passed on to Special Investigations. Enter us. We're gonna take a crack at the crime scene and try to figure out what happened, as well as mine for information about any other IWL operations in the area."
"Let's get a move on then," Andy said, getting up and putting on her jacket. She glimpsed at Buck every now and then to see if he had more to say. Opening seconds drawer her took out her pistol and put it in empty armpit holster. Then seh took out a jitter and put that behind her belt.
"Are there any questions before we go?" Buck asked next, eyeing everyone equally. Except for Sashi. His previous accquaintance with the boy gave him the impression that Sashi only had stupid questions to ask.
"If I could have a copy of the case files to read over while we are on the way?" Makoto responded.
Buck smiled and waggled his finger at the SAINT agent. "Whaddaya think I was doing on your datapad before I handed it back to you? I might not be nice, but I'm at least considerate." He broked his gaze and waved his hands around to everyone else. "Alright, let's pack it in. We should be on-site within the hour. I'll take Carver in a patrol vehicle, the rest of you partner up and pile into your cruisers."
Makoto did not have her own vehicle yet and would have to tag along with one of the others untill she was assigned one from either the YNP or SAINT.
"All right let's go then gang," Andrea said, zipping up her jacket. She wondered what Ladydick was up to. Hopefully he just wanted to ask her to stop undermining his authority. Or what would be worse, he would like to talk about their past.
"Trudy you going to join me in my cruser, or do you want to take our bikes?" Sera said as she stood up shaking a bit of mud and dirt off her jacket before slicking it around her.
"I'll bike it, just give me a minute to get my crap on." Trudy said as she walked over to the cubicle she was occupying. Once inside she kicked off her shoes and pulled a Yellow and Black Leather jumpsuit off of the wall and slid into it, before pulling out a pair of healed Motorcycle Boots out from under her desk. Quickly zipping them up she grabbed her helmet off of her desk and came back out to find Sera so they could get on their way.
"I guess that just leaves you and me, Miss Isamu..." Sashi said with his innocent and boyish smile showing proudly. "We can listen to KO-gama and talk about the good stuff: Ice cream and shopping!~"
Before leaving her desk Sera made sure the strap of her fatboy fit over her jacket, haning it on her back. Three point harnasses were awesome.
"Uh, Isamu-san." Buck was suddenly stricken with this look of concern, "I'd like it if you were to drive when you and Sergeant Tamayamo make your way..."
"Aw, come on, Ladydick!" Sashi whined, suddenly also stricken with something.
"That is fine" Makoto replied. She prefered to drive anyways.
"Great. Last time Pumkin drove me to a crime scene, he pulled over three speeding drivers on the way and made me wait while he ticketed them."
"You serious?" Andrea looked at the LT with raised eyebrows.
Ladydick shrugged. "Pumkin loves his job."
"I see, then yes I will drive" the operative stated and switched small her tablet off and stuffed it into a pocket.
Sashi huffed and turned on his heel with a dejected look, muttering, "We'd better still get to listen to some KO-gama..."
"You should listen to some proper music, like Funky Feely. Not that girly hogwash." Andrea teased some more.
Makoto was not overly fond of this KO-gama or whatever, though she showed no sign of frustration at the thought of having to deal wih it over a drive. She would just tune it out. "Shall we depart then?" she asked Sashi.
"Oh, and Pumkin..." Buck was almost out the door when he stopped and pointed a crooked hand at Sashi. "If I see the ridiculous pink NSP at any point tonight, I'll bean you."
-----
The trip to the crime scene was a simple one. Commuter traffic had cleared up for the morning, and lunch traffic had yet to start. A quiet ride on the mostly-empty skylane brought the Unit right into the industrial park and right up to the warehouse in question. There was no one present, and the only indication it had of being a crime-scene was the criss-cross of red tape blocking off the open door of the massive white brick that was considered a warehouse. All the garage-shutters on the building had been shut so long that they'd been rusted that way, and the only vehicle in the yard was a long-abandoned Classico hovercar with no headlights and no windows. In the near-noon sun, the sporty patrol vehicle containing Ladydick and Andrea floated to a stop and settled onto the ground.
For those that are interested in the trip they had over, it is written in its entirety here, so you can balk at how much free time ShotJon and I have:
The first thing that Ladydick did when he got into the patrol-car was lower the sunshield above the steering wheel. As if a fateful prediction, as soon as they hit the streets and started peeling up into the sky, the whitest of light filled the car. Another reminder to the two Nepleslians that Yamatai was much cleaner than their home planet-- where on a bright summer day the sky still remained grey to its core, as if a film hung over Funky City.
By the time they were heading in a straight line towards their destination with soft jazz whistling on the radio, Buck even had to put his aviators back on despite having the sunshield flipped down. Wanting a cigarette more than anything else, he settled on driving with a toothpick between his lips.
Andrea sat comfortably next to him a bit jealous about sporty patrol car he had. Of course he would, he was mister SI6 after all. Andrea decided to not care after all. Classico's she and other drove were still at least really classy.
"So tell me," Andrea said, taking her e-cig out of the jacket's breast pocket. "How the frig you made an LT? Last I remember you were just driving around being cool and catching speeding cars."
"Just had a spotless case record, moved to detective, moved to Special Investigations. Made Unit Six right out the door." Was the reply, Ladydick's toothpick bouncing around in his mouth, "Bottom rank for Unit Six is Sergeant, so it's not far to Lieutenant from there."
"You always knew how to do both politics and actualy police work," Andrea smirked and puffed on her e-cig. She wondered for a bit, where she would be if she did not have all those complaints about too much violence or disrespect on her papers. Still she was a detectvie that was not bad at all. It was just that after 10 years with police, she should be more.
"You call it politics." Buck suggested, "I call it policy."
"Well I usually call it sticking your nose in someone arse and smelling the flowers, but sure. Call it what you want." Came the response from the woman.
"Y'know, what is your deal, dame?" Buck took a second to glance side-long at Andrea over his nose, "A guy gets a case of whiskey-dick one time, one time, and suddenly you wanna stop talking to the only other guy in the building who doesn't speak Trade with a shitty accent. Y'know, I don't get you. I'm tryin' to be cool around you and you just want to drag me through the mud. Don't make me bring up your problems again; we can have a good old-fashioned argument if you want."
"What problems? I am perfect," Andrea joked and chuckled. "And seriously you think I broke up with you just because of bedroom trouble? Don't you think when two people are trying to be together it is about more then just fucking like rabbits?"
"No, but geeze, it sure looks like you do." Ladydick shot back, dodging around a cargo hauler, "You broke up with me right after that, and besides: I don't really have time for a relationship anymore. I just take what I can get."
"Yeah, it was always just about sex and havcing good time with you," said the woman. "You never took anything seriously. You never though I meant it seriously. The 'sorry honey, seems I cannot get it up tonight, had too much to drink' was just tiny little last bit. You just turned around and snored as if nothing happened."
"Because nothing happened!" Buck snarled, now gripping the steering wheel. "I wouldn't've brought you if I knew you were gonna do this. At least Pumkin just kind of sings inoffensively to his girly-shit in his own fucking language."
"Well we need to set our differencies aside if we have to work together again." Andrea explained why she brought it up with him. "Better sort this all out now, so there won't be need later." She sighed and looked at him. "Look, I guess there really is no more point talking about this. We had a thing, it exploded on us. I will try to be professional, but you still bloody piss me off."
"Yeah, well, I was in a good mood before this happened, despite having to deal with you jokers." Buck seemed to relax a bit anyway, though. On the radio, the saxophonist was reaching the end of a particularly shrill solo. "And I thought, y'know, might be cool to see Pumkin again. He's annoying, but still a good kid-- and you..." Buck turned to look at Andrea again.
"And me...." Andrea raised her eyebrows. "Go one, speak your mind."
"Well, I know you're all into some momma-bear shit. I thought you could take care of the kid, if I just explained him to you." Buck said, totally lying, totally not going into what he was going to say at all, "Y'know, since he was my partner when he fucked up, I kinda feel responsible for the little shit."
"Well he is cop to bone, he is just bloody naive." Andrea said her thoughts about Sashi. "He does shit by the book, but he really cares about the shit. A good guy to have around, but it will be bloody hard for him to learn that cop can't always do the shit by the book. But please tell me what happened."
"Boy can't fuckin' drive to save his damn life..." Buck started, refocusing on the skylanes, "You remember that big statue of Emperor Uesu that used to be in front of the PNUgen building downtown?"
"No," Andrea responded. "This city has tone of bloody statues. And not a single one had a moustache sprayed on it. A bloody miracle." In fact there was one with moustache and other things sprayed on it. Back when Andrea was in police academy and they had some time off and there was drinking.
"Well, this one was special. People got attached to Uesu after he left, and they liked to leave little notes and stuff on it, asking for him to come back safe or come back soon-- some of the older people seemed to think he could even get the damn letters; They'd tell him how they were doing, this hip or another acting up, how nice life is without the plague, we beat the Elysians, we beat the Elysians again, and so forth." The explanation was good enough at this point, so Buck moved on to exposition. "And so that's all nice. Well, one night, Pumkin gets this report about an unauthorized Mule landing a few blocks down. And we'd been busting up this smuggling ring, so it was likely one of the ships we were looking for. I tells him to wait for me, beg him, but you know Pumkin..."
Buck shifted the toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other and flipped it around so the wet end was poking out and he had a fresh dry point to drive into his gums over and over again. Once this little chore was handled, the Lieutenant started up again, "He goes after him, wrecks his car trying to catch up. Then, he commandeers an Onset shuttle and he's going full speed chasing this joker through the city. Well, eventually the guy in the Mule shakes him by pulling a high-power turn in front of the PNUgen building, and Pumkin flies his little shuttle right into our good buddy, Emperor Uesu."
"Oh, fuck." Andrea simply responded. She already knew where this was heading. Or rather where it already got. "Okay. Sashi will never drive or fly anything again in a chase. But man talk about bad luck. Let me guess, the badguys got away too and all ended up being fucked to the hell and back."
"Unit Six is not proud of it, but yeah-- it's the first mark on our case record in six years." Buck shook his head a bit and added, "Poor Pumkin. I just wish he'd wise up and let those logic test scores apply to his practical skills."
"Yeah, like I said." Responded the woman from passenger seat. "He is too naive and goody-two shoes. He just have to go and arrest the badguy, all according to the book. He seems pretty reliable though. You know who pretty much saved Mayor in that attack? It was Sashi. He was in the limo, when they started taking it away, and he went bloody out and started fighting them off, while the rest of us were stuck on the ground, with our hover-cars messed up."
"Yeah, those skinny little arms sure can pack a punch." Buck commented knowingly, rubbing a phantom pain he'd imagined from a spar long ago.
"Not to mention we worse those stupid super-armours." Andrea added more info. "He sure held his own though. By the way, do you know how long will those fuckers hold this on Araiah, when she did nothing wrong? We bloody saved mayor, our job was protection detail. We did that and we were succesful. Now the fuckers up there treat us like a criminals for fuck's sake."
"I'm not really involved in that." Buck replied as he wove between a pair of shuttles, "Though I don't imagine her repeated attempts to get into the database have won her any favors."
"She is a bloody cop," Andrea responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You and me would try to do the same. Wait no, I don't do databases. I would go and start asking question, but you might actually do databases. Even with all your dandiness, you are still cop. Or you were, back when we were together. I hope that did not change." Of course by asking questions, Andrea meant beating them out of some informants.
For the first time since they'd entered the vehicle and sped off, Buck smiled. Unlike Sashi, who was praised for his ability to figure out a crime with limited evidence, his strength had always been hitting the streets and finding his own leads. Instead of bristling up and taking an opportunity to brag about one thing or another, though, Ladydick just asked, "Do you remember that time we were planning to go hit the beach on Prime, take a week off and get back to our own people for a change? Y'know before that got cancelled because of the war."
"I do," She nodded and sighed. That was actually part of the nice them when they were together. "I did not really wanted to go at first. You persuaded me to go and I was actually starting to look for it. Fancy hotel and all that. Then squids fucked it all up. Ridiculous is that in the end, Prime never got hit. Not that it mattered."
"Yeah..." Buck lowered his shades a bit and peeked over the edge of the window to the city below. He t'ched once and lowered the power to the hover-car's repulsors so they could make their descent to street-level. "Just, y'know, wouldn't it be nice to have a boat? Be on a boat. Stay on the water for a few days, plunk your communicator into the ocean, and just listen to music and drink beer. We coulda got a boat. Coulda stayed on a boat."
"Yeah..." Andrea suddenly looked away from him, peering into the city. "It would probably be nice. Just.... floating and have nothing to worry about. You know, I did not have a day off ever since? It is just the job for me lately."
"Same here." Buck provided, "Unit Six keeps me tied up. I mean, sometimes I go out with Sasha Akai or one of the others and we have a few drinks after a big case. But it's always back to work the next day. No time for boats, these days."
There was a sort of sniff that Ladydick made in his perfect little button-nose. It was hard to tell whether he was holding in laughter or fighting back tears. Maybe he was just sick and pissed. Eventually, he barked, "Oh well, time to stop bitching about dumb c*** shit. We've got dead guys to poke."
"I hope not in the way you poke Sasha Akai," Andrea chuckled, joking back at him. He was right, there was not need to be angsty about shit and cry around for their bad luck or shit. They were cops not a bunch of bloody sissies.
"Hah! No, baby, it ain't like that." Buck giggled a little, then leaned over to whisper unneccesarily, "I'll tell you a secret that Sashi learned the hard way. She likes girly men like him, see? And she's into the really freaky shit. Pulling hair, biting dicks, and riding them until she bleeds."
"Whoa, that is a little too much info," Andrea responded. "Funny would be if she was all timid on the outside. And really she and Sashi got it on eh? I was kind worried if he was even into girls at all."
"Poor Pumkin wasn't even all that into her, I think." Buck kept the gossip coming, "But he thought she really liked him, and I think it made him feel all warm an' fuzzy so he just tried to go along with it to make her happy. Oh, this is priceless--" Ladydick stopped the story to get his laugh out before delivering the best part, "After a date, he comes up to me and asks, looking kind of scared, 'Mister Ladydick, sir, is it normal when you're with a girl for her to bite it?' I must've shit my pants right there."
Andrea bursted out laughing. She hit her knee and shook her head a bit. "You serious?" She asked him. "But really what did you tell him?"
"What do you think?" Buck snorted, "I told him to tell me exactly what happened, to the detail. After he told me his little guy was as red as a guord afterwords... Well, now I call him Pumkin."
"By Davis' beard. Let me guess this is the story he did not want you to talk about right?" Responded Andrea and laughed again. "Poor guy. How old is he anyway? He looks and acts like a fifteen years old. One day in Funky City and he would be either dead or sold to someone as a prostitute."
"He's old enough to have a sexy sister married off with kids." Was all that Buck could really say about the matter. Ladydick stroked his chiseled jawline thoughtfully for a moment and added, "He came straight to Unit Six out of the Academy, because of those test scores of his-- so I'm guessing he's in his twenties."
"Darn they did not make him walk the beat?" Andrea gave Ladydick raised eyebrows. "That bloody explaind everything. Whose moron's great idea it was to send naive little kid to show for big boys and girls."
"Oh, he's hit the streets with me plenty. Between cases, that boy loves looking for trouble somethin' fierce." Now that they were on the streets again, with the buildings towering overhead, the sun wasn't in Buck's eyes anymore, so he removed his aviators once more so the world could see and once more be at balance with his endless oceans gazing upon it.
"Most time he gets back in the morning he works out a ton of parking and speeding tickets." Andrea said back to the Ladydick. She puffed her e-cig and then paused for a bit. She then offered the little stig to Ladydick. "Want a puff? Anyway, maybe I should ask him to go with me on one of the nights. I keep rolling with folks from our old precint. It is a bit tougher there, near the outer rings of the city."
"Nah, never could get into the things." Buck waved a repelling hand towards the e-cigarette, "It's just not the same and I'd rather just go without than sit there puffin' away and make myself want the real deal over and over again every day."
"I hear you," she said and put the e-cig back into her mouth. "Seriously. This bloody country. Anyone can keep almost any gun he wants, but they ban tobacco. Ah well, I know guys on the nepleslian embassy and go visit them for smokes, every now and then. Want to tag along next time?"
Buck sighed. He was about to do it, that stupid thing that people do sometimes. "Maybe we stop by someplace and grab a beer sometime before we go, too, eh?"
Andrea blinked a bit, looking into the sideway mirror. "Uh... yeah sure. We can do that." She was unsure why she actually agreed. Maybe it was just because he was a nepleslian like her. It was easier to act naturally around him.
Buck sighed again. 'Ah, nevermind,' He wanted to say, or, 'I'm just doing this because we used to have a thing and right now without all the bad in front of us it looks like we'd have some good sex so let's just fuck and forget it ever happened.' or maybe just plain old fashioned, 'I'm seeing someone, by the way.' Instead, Ladydick said, "It'll be just like old times." Then he winced like the statement had caused some sort of wound.
Andrea did not respond to it. She knew it was bad idea, but she could not help it. The woman wanted someone she could have few beers with, chat and just take it easy. For her it might have been Shizu, but the bloody neko ran off. She did not know anyone in SI4 really and now Ladydick danced back into her life. They broke of on pretty bad note, but before that it was actually all good. They worked together, became friends and then more. Just this bloody drive showed her, they can still chat and have some good talk at least.
"Aaaaanyway," she broke off the awkward silence, looking at him and smiliung. "Heard anything about ol' Maverick? I heard his kid is officer in Star Army now or something."
"Oh, yeah? Good for him, I guess." Buck stared out the window, not having anything to say about Maverick, but desperately wanting to change the subject. "What about those other two in your squad, Carver? Those biker girls. They on the up-'n-up or what?"
"Don't know really," Andrea shrugged. "They seem to be good cops, even though they are young. And they love bikes. If they get it on, then good for them I guess. As long as it won't be in the way of the job."
"Oh, don't get preachy like that, grandma. You've done it a little bit yourself." Buck chided, "What about that tan little number with the blue hair we both got it on with before we even met? She probably knew she was two-timin' us the whole time, and did you even think to ask for a transfer after you found out?"
"I was with her like... twice." Andrea countered back. "Was more out of curiosity then anything else. I don't really fancy girls all that much. Plus I did not know she was a bitch like that. Still you are right. But hey at least I was young and stupid. Got to have an excuse ready you know."
"Not me." Buck shot back coyly, "I can honestly say I saw some tail and I chased it all the way to the bank." He wiped a soft finger under his delicate lips and added, "Sides, sounds to me like you didn't enjoy it right. Naked ladies are awesome."
"I guess," Andrea responded and shrugged. "I guess I am more about dicks. I mean it was fun and all, but it just was not feeling all right. Then she said she would grow a dick for me and things got weird."
"I bet she wishes she'd have hooked up with Sasha instead." Ladydick joked, then rolled down his window by a quarter to toss out his cigarette-substitute toothpick. "Oh well, it's old news now. I wonder if that pretty little SAINT agent is choking Pumkin yet?"
"Well she is neko," Andrea joked. "if Pumpkin is driving, she might be choking on something else. You know what they say. Maybe she is one of those."
"Hah! Poor Pumkin'd probably run right off the road singing his faggy music at the top of his lungs." Buck twirled the steering wheel with that smile on his face riding them all the way up to the warehouse parking lot.
"Well if his face is going to be redder then the cherry and she will act as if nothing happened, we will know." Andrea joked adn chuckled, taking another puff on her e-cig, releasing the steam into the air.
"Boy's got the most shameful afterglow I've ever seen in my life." Buck checked the mirrors on either side of the vehicle and let it land slowly, the slight impact with the ground almost undetectable.
"Few years ago, I would probably go for him myself, jsut to see how he would react." The nepleslian dame chuckled and put the cigarette back into its little holster. "It would be priceless I am sure."
Instead of making the next joke, Buck sighed, looking out at the warehouse. Suddenly, the joy was gone-- replaced with his old steely demeanor from the office. "Alright, Carver," he said, voice muted by authority, "Let's pack it in and go eyeball the scene before the flies gather."
"Yeah," she agreed and opened the door, stepping out of the vehicle. "You got the kit in the trunk?" She asked, talking about scene examination things.
"Sure. But let's just get out and take a look first. Make sure it's even the right warehouse before we go in and start poking the bodies with a stick." Buck said, but then he opened the door and the smell of death rolled in from the outside.
"Lead on then," Andrea said and preparing herself. It was never nice to watch dead bodies. It was one of the things that came with the job that one never got used to. Not matter how chill a cop seemed, it was always getting to him. And if not, there was something wrong. "I hope no one will use that bloody 'I love smell of dead bodies in the morning' sentence."
Presently, Ladydick lowered the fedora over his eyes to block out the sun as he emerged from the vehicle. He looked up to the roof of the warehouse and whistled to himself. "Well, this is the place." He said, adjusting his tie and approaching the red tape. The Nepleslian detective plucked at the plastic ribbons and pulled them off the door with a sigh. "I was supposed to investigate a crime that had a much more pleasant-smelling scene before I got stuck babysitting, I bet."
"Hah, yeah you prolly would," Andrea responded as she looked at the old white brick warehouse. Those were not made much anymore. This building had to be decades old. It probably remembered Uesu. "But be frank with yourself Buck, you love murders. That is where the real investigation is. Just as mass media."
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
