Fidela's smile dropped at that, hearing Cassefin's demand, a cold, somewhat horrified face meeting her. Her face instantly lit up in a red glow, looking around at the passing people, her fingers intertwining nervously over themselves. She coughed out a little nervous laugh before diverting her gaze off her boss.
"Wh-what? What sort of demand is that?" she said almost robotically, her smile straining off the side, "That wasn't gunna happen in the first place! We weren't gunna do it! I mean, it's not like he's unattractive, but
my god that's so
unprofessional." She waned on, taking a sudden interest in a wall on the far end of the lobby, "I would
never use my position to coax that kind of thing out of him! I'm not that kind of girl." She became a little smaller, hunching a bit and sticking one arm behind her, whilst nibbling on the tips of her fingers on her other hand.
What's with everyone assuming I'm like that? thought the woman dourly. The red on her face mixed with the embarrassment of her expression, before a somewhat defeated look came over her, as her pride had been struck immensely.
"...do I look like that kind of girl?"
----
As the captain squirmed, the Freespacer-adopted neko knelt down and picked the man up. She hated seeing him like that...he deserved dignity. After carefully laying him on the bed, and being quick about it so he wouldn't have a chance to object, Tweak sat down at the foot of the bed and looked down at her hands, fingering the bracelet and its attachment.
"Why are you drunk? I mean...I guess Nepleslians drink more, but why did you drink so much?"
A bit of surprise washed on Kokuten's face as Tweak pulled him up off the floor. He would've said something, but she moved at the speed and grace of an EMT. The Captain laid himself on his side, looking back towards the girl, before going flat on his back. His eyes looked straight up at the decorative and stylish ceiling, it's aesthetic pleasing even to his drunken eyes.
I doubt she's ever been druken proper, and even she had, she likely doesn't remember it. thought the Captain to himself, trying to think of a way to respond to Tweak's question. In fact, he made the Freespacer wait for a few seconds, before he threw something out.
"Life has ah way of kicking my ass up a flight ohf stairs, Tweak." mewled Kokuten drunkenly, his hands washing over his face pulling on his features. His eyes switched to a somber blue. "Every tihme I feel lihke I'm getting somewhere, I get yanked off my high horse, drug tr'oo some mud and thrown somewhere else. Tonight, learning 'bout Cassefin, hearing how our co-workers will never get justice for their deaths, it drug me down a bit." He rolled over on his side, putting his back to her.
"My mind iss' like a mountain, strong an' resilient, if I may so. Though, once I trip, and allow myself to fall ohf the side of that mountain, I start tumblin' down. I start reminding myself ohf my faults, my fears, h'until I hit low so deep, the only comfort I can find for cushioning my fall is alcohol." He gripped his other arm and tugged at it a bit, "My past comes at me hard first, then my present. Such as my command."
The Captain sighed.
"Durin' the Kennewes Offensive, I spearienced one of the few combats where I wass in the thick oh the fight. Though, when the bullets came down on us, and shells went exploding everywhere, I could only find myself cowerin' behind cover, taking pot-shots every now and then. I was so scared shitless of dying that I nearly lost my mind. If it weren't for Sergeant Rui, I would've given up, and huddled in fear.
"It's why I was so skehptical of bein' a 'Captain' once my superiors became incapacitated back in my old squad. My
Staff Sergeant rank was purely because I was a Marine who was an extremely proficient medic. Furthermore, I eventually found myself in charge of
this squad, which harrowed me further. Already, I found no confidence in my ability to lead people, but now I had to lead on a Squad that was recognized throughout the station. There were expectations of my position as Captain of Squad 35, and Cassefin made a point to label those expectations.
"I figured it wouldn't be so bad, we were a security squad, but the moment I took command was when the Unique incident happened. As soon as people started dying, I wanted to run and hide, but I couldn't, as it was my responsibility to take charge. So... I shakily grasped my position, and sucked down all my fears, and pushed forward, and I've been pushing ever since. It's gotten easier, but I can never shake the thought of sending someone off to face something I'm too afraid to face myself. Stovaa, Claire, Blake, Noboru, Method, Serra, and especially yourself. I'm afraid to command you all into these situations, despite how brave and successful you all are."
He curled up a little bit, sighing once more before hunching his shoulders up.
"In short, I'm a coward who let his fear and stress catch up with him, and needed an escape from his problems." said Kokuten somewhat quietly, his charismatic flair absent from his voice, replaced by someone more meek. "Sorry if I dragged on."
