ON: YSS Miharu - Medical Bay
Sora sighed as she finally managed to oust Sanjuro to his quarters to hopefully get some sleep. She stepped away from the hemosynthesis tanks and pulled her data pad from its pouch on her belt. Now that we've gotten that settled, I can figure out the settings for the new medical sprites for this mission... I'm certain that Sanjuro might've already done this without me but I need to double check... since he was on the verge of collapse.
Sumaru had finished up with his armor, then after a few moments of short and intense training, he made his way to the medbay. He wanted to spend some time with Sora, after all, there was a battle ahead and he wanted nothing more to have spent a few of his hours before with her, even if was just for a moment it meant the world to him. After arriving, he stood in the open door way for a while, as he watched her looking over the data pad in hand. He didn't want to interrupt her current tasks, so he just waited patiently until she was finished.
The young Ketsurui's eyes went to Sumaru as she heard the soft footfall against the sterile deck paneling. "Are you all set for this mission, Sumaru-kun?" She offered him a soft smile, still uncertain of how she felt about his position in her life at the moment, but if nothing else, he was her friend.
The samurai nodded once. His light steps led him across the floor to where she was, his arms uncrossing to hang peacefully at his sides. "I'm just about done with all my preparations Sora." Sumaru said, using her name without suffix, just like she had ordered him too when they were in the pool on Yamatai. "I just wanted to see how you were doing; I remember how nervous you used to get before combat." The blond haired Neko said, smiling kindly in return.
"Oh, I still get nervous. It's just a little different now. To die in service to my nation and my family is one of the highest honors that could be bestowed upon me if I remember my training from the Academy. I still wonder though, what the Spirit Realm is like.... people will always question if it exists and some even doubt that we as Nekovalkyrja even have souls..." Sora said with a soft sigh as she watched Sumaru's face for a moment before looking away, to presumably make sure her data pad had the key lock on.
Sumaru pursed his lips to one side, thoughtfully looking into Sora's off casted eyes as he tried to figure a way to improve her mood. "I believe they do," The recently changed Neko said as he reached out to touch the young Ketsurui's face with his three digited hand. "If you didn't have a soul, then how could mine be so convicted to protecting yours?" The devoted guardian asked his princess, though maybe a bit rhetorically, he did expect an answer.
"It's a circular question of physics versus metaphysics... how can you prove something that can't be explained? It might be argued that the programmed memory is just following its course. But I don't have an answer for why you have committed yourself to protecting me but I appreciate it. It lets me know that at least one person in my life appreciates my existence enough to keep it going," Sora added with a soft smile, tilting her face into Sumaru's touch. "But speaking of souls, we should update your back-up."
Feeling rather disappointed with the answer, Sumaru sighed internally and only a shift in his glance could give away any change in his mood. "Yeah, alright then." He said, with another nod as he pulled away his hand and started towards the unit. After all, the Miharu's medbay didn't seem that much different than the Asamoya, and during service there Sumaru had gone through many back-ups.
Sora followed after Sumaru to the alcove and waited for him to enter while he did she double checked the adjusted; "optimized performance" setting Sanjuro seemed to have placed on the machine, of course when she wasn't looking. "I think your back-up might take at least five-minutes longer than normal with these new settings... Ashitaka-Heisho is... through."
"Give me a minute to prepare." The Ketsurui samurai said as he closed his eyes, lowering his head a moment to mediate and clear his mind of all thought. Breathe, just breathe... He repeated the mantra twice, then nodded gradually. "Alright, let's begin..." He said softly as he stepped into the enclave and pulled down the head piece. Clear thoughts, no mind... nothin--" He paused, his serenity was fading the more he regressed into his mind, there he found his bottled frustration, there he felt his broken heart and unreturned feelings. But he didn't flinch or speak a word, it was already too late, in a moment she would flip the switch and all of those memories... here it comes.
The medical officer nodded and waited for the samurai to give her indication that he was ready. And when he did so, she activated the machine, keeping her gaze on the data output screen rather than her patient's face. I have time to figure this all out... no time like the present, I guess. I wonder if Sumaru already knows about my will.
The first part of the process was simple; Sumaru led such an uneventful life through child hood. Then, the first spike in the copy came during his high-school years, the event that changed his life; the day his parents were killed in a battle which resulted in his home becoming collateral. That section led to a rocky segment of his life, during his youth as he was trained into a perfect husband by his two sisters, it was a long hard training just like his samurai teachings. His life from that event smoothed out for a while, his vitals calmed. Then came his service, it started causing a small disturbance, then was a much rougher event then the loss of his parents; his first battle. That was when Datenshi was shot in half, his squad leader, which left him alone in that battle to take down a SMX cruiser on his own. From there, only more turmoil followed him and many more events from ship to ship. Sumaru had led such a hard life since his enrolment to the military, and then through his hardships to be with Sora. It was another two hard spikes in his mind, the pain incredible, from the hopeless days on the Asamoya, when he never thought he’d return to Sora. Then his transfer data followed the events of his samurai training, then finally his return to her side... Not much longer was left in the process, but for such a short life, there was a lot of pain to experience.
Her expression deepened as she saw the spikes in her vitals as the saving process progressed. Sora looked away from the data screen for a moment to look at Sumaru's face through one of the nasty spikes and felt reassured that he soon calmed down again. She appraised his new features and smiled at the thought of how he used to wear a star on his face and how... contrary that such things would appear on a Ketsurui Samurai. She returned her gaze to the screen again, checking the few seconds of data she missed to look at him. Everything is going smoothly. I'm not sure how much of a difference this really makes though.
The star may have not been on his face anymore, but secretly in the armor bay, there was one sticked in the same place on Sumaru armor's helmet. Almost as an honorarium to whom he used to be, and how he got here.
The young Samurai filled out features were more masculine, though never losing that elegance of his femininity, he was a dashing character now, as if a bishi from a popular videogame or anime. Sumaru didn't look like the boy he used to be, chasing monsters with a silly dream of being her knight. He was a man now, so full of duty and wearing the sword of her honor. His new body, with such a muscular frame and charming face, it was almost like he stepped right out of those stories he wished he could be in.
It took a couple minutes longer and the machine dinged to indicate that the back-up process was complete. Sora looked up from the screen with a soft smile, "Sumaru-kun, your back-up is complete. How does your head feel?" She asked in a kind, friendly voice.
"Just fine..." He lied, first trying to bring some solidity to the chaos in his head. The reliving of all the events of his life at once was always so jarring, and with his thoughts going into the process, it didn't help matters. An unstable step from the machine told all, as he brought a hand to support himself on the closest wall. "Or... maybe not," he admitted, the other hand coming to push back through his almost colorless hair, gripping lightly on his head.
Sora moved to help Sumaru. "Here, let me help you over to a seat until your head clears, Sumaru-kun," she suggested as she placed an arm around the samurai's broad shoulders.
He relented, letting her lead him to a spot to sit down. "It's usually never this harsh, I'm sure it'll go away soon." Sumaru mentioned, feeling rather embarrassed to be the one being helped. But he did make that promise with her, the one that she would take care of him whenever he was wounded, thus he allowed her to do what she wanted so he could be better.
Sora lead Sumaru to one of the medical bay's examining rooms, to a bed. "I need to do something about the lack of chairs in here but at least this way I can control the lights if you need them dimmed until your head stops hurting," Sora said almost apologetically as she indicated for Sumaru to sit down.
He sat down, pushing his hand back through his hair and then steadied himself by placing both of his hands on the edge of the bed. "Just a little should do, I don't think this will last too long..." Sumaru said, making the least of the pain. There was a lot of fortitude in his mental capability, mostly from his samurai training.
Sora nodded and walked over to the wall and manually dimmed the lights by 10%. "Is this level okay or do you need it more in one direction or the other?" She asked as she watched the male Neko's face, trying to appraise his expression for whether or not the light level had any physical effect on him.
Sumaru quit squinting at the sudden change, it seemed like the maxed setting was just the problem. "Yeah, that's fine right there." He said, just happy that it took the edge on the sharp brightness of the light above.
"Would you like some water? You might be a little dehydrated from training and being in the power armor bay earlier," Sora suggested as she leaned against the bulkhead, watching Sumaru again. She stayed at the wall as she waited for his reply, wondering if it was the alcove's changed settings that might have brought on the headache, since she hadn't seen this sort of result from the alcove at this sort of level.
"No, it's fine. I'm leveing out." Sumaru said, as he lifted his body and got back to his feet. In reality, his head was gaining rapid stability now that he was forcing it to. "I guess I was just thinking too hard during the process." He said, trying to find some sort of alternate explanation. He didn't want to tell her about the situation leading up to the save... That would be far too much to talk about now, too much to think about before the battle ahead.
The young Ketsurui smiled, seeming to accept her samurai's answer as she walked back over to him. As a physician, she felt that such a fast recovery indicated something else... but she wasn't sure if she wanted to press the issue more. "It happens, I'm sorry if it was a little bit harsher than normal. I'll have to see about adjusting the settings to make it less stressful if the new settings were a contributing factor to the migraine."
He shook his head slightly. "It's fine, as long as it subsided and I'm still intact." He said with a small chuckle, letting go of his current mindset, essentially just burying his broken heart once more deep in the recesses of his soul. He adjusted his uniform and straightened his hair. Sumaru stepped forward, his hands folding loosely into one-another as he allowed his body to relax and regain its serenity.
She gently placed a hand on Sumaru's shoulder. "Please don't push yourself too hard... you're not alone on this mission or in protecting the ship," she asked knowing full well that Sumaru would probably never listen to her request... he wasn't the sort to not try to better himself by pushing himself to the limits... after all, he completed his samurai training after several months of training when it normally took years.
"Don't worry, this ship has a fine crew. I'll let them do their jobs," Sumaru paused, giving her a reassuring smile as he wrapped a protective arm around the small of her back, "but I'm also here for a reason too. I will do my part, my duty, in this mission of assisting the ground forces, if that is your wish. I am your samurai and your sword, I will only act out your desires and see to it that you are safe." He meant every word that he spoke, because it was all true. If she became the one endanger though, he would fight through anything that stood in his path.
"Accomplishing the mission is very important to me and I do want you to help out by doing what you do best as a power armored pilot," Sora said almost shyly again. She was blushing lightly again at the statement of the fact that he had committed his life to her.
"Then so it shall be done, I do this not for personal fame. But everything I do, like you once said-- is in your name... so, it shall remain." Sumaru said with a small nod, to show just how convicted he was to this life, to her. "I am yours, forever and always. It is an oath I undertook on the day of my training, and once more I affirmed it at the end. Sora, anything you wish and anything you'd have me do, I will always make happen." He said this, with a sense of duty on his wistful tone, less of a philosopher’s speech and more of a knightly tribute. Somehow, even if she didn't feel the affection in return towards the male Neko, he found himself at a little more ease now that he got to express his feelings to her, though leaving his love between the lines. He knew now, that he had finished all his preparations, he could go into battle with a much clearer head.
His declarations only made her blush deepen, Sora wondered if she ever really could do anything to return Sumaru's devotion but the notion of loving anyone again after Ichi still hurt too much. "Thank you," she said quietly with a soft smile. "I guess, I'd better get back to my own preparations before Ashitaka-Heisho returns. It'd... be a poor showing if I didn't have anything to show him when he gets back."
"Alright..." Sumaru said, letting his arm lift from her back and lay back at his side. With a off casted glance, the samurai hardened his mask back to his face, that expressionless facade that his training had granted him. "I guess then, I should be off. I wouldn't want to be in your way." He said calmly, his icy blue eyes still not returning to hers as he spoke.
Sora frowned, "I didn't say that..." She tried to think of how she could console Sumaru, or to reassure him, but for all her psychological counselling training-- she couldn't think of anything. "You're not in the way..."
"I meant it as is Sora, please don't read into that too deeply." Sumaru said, trying to explain himself. That comment was about the only thing he had not said with hidden meanings, missing words, or masked emotions. He placed rested a hand on his blade's hilt, making a move to walk past. "It's fine, I already spoke too much, I should have never mentioned my feelings." The hardened warrior in Sumaru spoke as he passed by, as he came to the sudden realization that he had once again got swept up in her presence, he felt the regret of showing his emotions, because now it conflicted with his desires.
Sora let Sumaru move past her, feeling slightly frustrated as she noticed he gripped the hilt of his katana before going past. She wanted to stamp her feet and scream but she restrained herself. "It's a lonely place to exist without emotion but I guess it's better than this." She turned away from Sumaru and started walking back across the medical bay to the hemosynthesis tank. Mother help me, this is not what I wanted to happen. I just wanted... Ichi to love me and now... it's all wrong. I never should've made that promise, I've screwed this all up...
Sumaru paused in his steps. "I am a warrior, your guardian and your sword. I will do anything for you; you just need to ask..." He said with a tone of held-back anger. "But I cannot help you rid your internal pain, or hidden problems. You need to tell me, identify them for me and tell me what I must do... and without question, I will do it for you." Sumaru said, that same sense of duty and conviction never fading from his words, after all, he would die for her, he promised that the very day he picked up that sword.
Sora stopped and did an about face, staring at Sumaru like he had two heads. "It's because you CAN'T fix it," she said with some restraint, she was talking much more loudly than normal but not yet yelling. "I was in love with a man who I thought loved me and then he just stopped talking to me after I committed my whole life to him and you know what, after being with me for almost my entire first year of life. AND HE LEFT ME WITHOUT A NOTION OF WHAT I DID WRONG. How do think I feel? Is it really that hard to see why I hurt, why I've been crying? Fuck, I feel like he ripped my heart out and showing it me as he lit in on fire and stomped on the ashes. I feel humiliated, hurt and betrayed, is it really so bad for me to not want to get involved with someone again?" She asked as her voice got much quieter again. Her eyes were teary but she wasn't crying as she stared at Sumaru. "You tell me you've devoted your whole being, your soul to me and I don't know what to believe. I think you're sincere, I feel it that you mean it but I've heard it before and he's gone..."
She finally let it go, Sumaru felt better now that she got to release her emotions. This was something he wanted to happen, but didn’t expect it to become come so volatile. "I fell in love with a woman, who once inspired me." Sumaru said, looking right into that very woman’s eyes. "Then, she was taken away from me and I was told to fight far away from her, leaving her to someone else’s protection." He still spoke very calmly, making sure to keep his serenity as he explained himself. "I decided to commit my life to her, and every day I have to live with the pain that I could not save her or her memories. I was the one who survived the downing of the Plumeria, I was the one left helpless to save anyone." He said, lowering his gaze a moment in shame, and with a twitch of anger on his brow he continued. "Now I watch that woman, who I've done nothing but devote myself to, hurt because of a man I cannot bring to justice, a woman who can’t remember why I adore her so much. I see why you hurt, and there's nothing I can do, you said it yourself. So I live now, doing what little I can to try and make her-- YOU better." He emphasised that he was talking about her, becoming so tired of hiding his feelings that he could only talk straight now, his blue eyes releasing a tinge of emotion as he made sure to keep eye contact with her. "I did devote my whole self to you, look at my body, look at these clothes and this sword. If I abandon you, it's a fate worse than death for me. I already gave my life for you, there’s no going back..." But more than that, Sumaru gave up ever becoming a husband for her, something he had lived his whole young life to become.
The young Ketsurui didn't know what to think about it all really. "Only time can fix what has happened. Bringing Ichi back wouldn't fix it, there is no real way to repair what he's done. If he did come back, I'd probably forget all that's happened and take him back. For all that I hate him right now-- I still love him. I could remove those memories, those moments I hold so dear, to make the hurt go away but then I lose yet another piece of myself. I don't want to become emotionally dead, so I'm sorry if I'd made you fall in love with a glamour. I'm sorry you've surrendered your life for a lie," Sora's voice trembled as she fought back her own frustration and regret over the whole situation. All she ever really wanted was to serve her clan and possibly one day have a live outside of the Star Army-- but now she didn't even know if she would live past the next mission, or if the nation she served was still worth giving her life for. She doubted her ideals and her faith ...she wasn't certain of anything anymore.
"No, I don't believe you..." Sumaru said with a shake of his head, taking a curled finger and lifting her chin so he can look into her eyes. "It was no illusion; I know that you have those same convictions deep inside. You’re just hurt right now, and you need to snap out of it. There's a ship that needs you right now, then a nation after it. Your life isn't over because of this, there's much more beyond missions and the military. There is a clan and a house waiting for you to mature, and come to govern them and help the nation find the right path. You say time will fix this-- then I shall wait and if I could I would defeat time itself, to bend to your needs, I would. I will never leave you Sora, no matter what happens... I know you will get out of this--and I will do all I can to help."
He felt like doing something, kissing her, holding her, anything to show her that it was okay and everything was alright. But he didn't, for once he showed constraint with the Ketsurui princess, he wanted his words to sink through her thoughts. Hoping she’d actually listen, to what he was trying to make her hear.
Sora's bright green eyes were filled with confusion; she didn't know how to take Sumaru's sheer unwavering devotion. It did occur to her that encouraging Sumaru in becoming a samurai was her own fault. "We'll see what we will see, Sumaru." She stepped back away from him, not certain of what she was aiming for right now. "I have a lot of growing up to do it seems before I can see myself living up to the pedestal I've been placed on. I don't want to be forever living my life with someone holding my hand; I want to stand on my own."
Sumaru nodded one last time, very kindly and firmly. "I only want to stand beside you, out of the light, ever vigil and ever ready. To defend you and act as your sword and make any path you desire, no matter what comes." He said to the woman before him; the princess he was knighted to, the love of his life and the Sora he would always watch over.
The young Ketsurui stared at her samurai for several long moments of silence, unsure of what else she could say. She didn't dare voice the question that plagued her mind, What if I never come to love you back? Sora kept that thought to herself, not feeling up to hearing that answer. Sumaru had been her friend first and it pained her to hurt him like this but... she couldn't return any of his love in any meaningful way. She found him attractive-- but she didn't dare explore any further physical connection when she attached so much emotion to the act. "Forever is a long time but you're not stuck that long... only until fate claims me, then you’re free to return to your life in the light."
Sumaru shook his head. "I could never live a life with such shame, or without you. I would follow you into the afterlife, to serve you there. My taking of the Ketsurui sword is the vow I made for all of eternity." He said, only staring right back at her, reading deeply into her eyes, feeling the confusion, the pensiveness in holding back her question. He could see that nagging doubt in her thoughts, simply just from her loud body language. He wondered if she had finally asked herself the question he had asked himself when he became what he was for her – no -- he was certain that was it. "Yes Sora, even if that means you never feeling the same for me... I will forever be your knight." He had to swallow his own words hard; the duty inside of him knew it was the right thing to do. But the dreamer, the lover, the human inside, felt like releasing all emotions at once right there. Sumaru’s armor was indeed strong, and from so much time inside, he was becoming a part of it.
"I won't lie to you, Sumaru, I can't make that promise. We don't know what the future holds but samurai do leave those they protect eventually. Midori left Hanako after a time. Time changes all things, so we'll have to see how this goes," Sora said rather simply with a sigh and a voice full of regret. I can't save his feelings, the damage is already done. I'd have to hack his... no, I couldn't do that... that wouldn't be fair. She looked away from Sumaru again feeling some degree of shame that the thought even crossed her mind.
There were no words left in him, nothing left that he could say. "I don't want your promise, at least not until you believe you want to give it." Then after that, he took a step back and bowed deeply to his Princess. "I need to rest now; I should mediate before the battle ahead. Your orders are clear; I will support this ship's crew, and offer my services for the mission at hand. There is nothing more I can say or do for you right now Sora, so I shall indeed see what time has in store." Sumaru said the last bit, professionally and very formally. When he raised his head again he wore that Samurai's expressionless facade, his mask of duty. He had to shell his heart, push aside his feelings and calm his soul, for the true battle was coming, one that he could win.
"... you're free to go, Hasegawa-Juni, rest well," were the only things Sora could thing to say. She felt drained as the color left her cheeks. The outburst left her feeling empty and cold. She returned Sumaru's bow and turned away from him again, heading back towards the hemosynthesis tanks again, inwardly cursing herself for her lack of control.
Then out he went his steps a little heavier and his pace a little faster. Subtle hints in his motions, his almost too blank face, it was obvious that there was much more under the surface of his armor. But, there was a small battle won in the war for Sora's heart, he was pleased that she got to yell, to release her pain, to just get it out. He was hopeful that his words would sink in to her head, but knew it would not happen for now. Sumaru returned to their room, and prepared his things, there was much mediation to do, much to clear out of his mind and so little time...
Sora stood beside the hemosynthesis machine a felt that she couldn't remember how to use the blasted thing. She pressed her hands against her face, covering her eyes and wanted to scream. She didn't have the energy to cry, she was just tired of feeling depressed-- feeling frustrated and feeling like she just ripped out Sumaru's heart. I didn't ask for this but I was too naive to stop it from happening. I messed this up. I have to make this right somehow but I can't. Not in the way he wants. I cannot make myself fall in love with someone because I feel sorry... that isn't how things work and I'd only hurt him more. "Fuck."
Fin
