Star Army
Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.
Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.
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Approved Adoption Mizuno Yoroko
- Thread starter Ira
- Start date
"She enjoys Talking, Martial Arts, Rice, Sweet food." You took apart the bulleted list but didn't take down the capitalized words or add an "and".
"Her since having obtained a command position has since changed, to commanding her own star ship one day." This sentence makes no sense grammatically.
Where did her art gallery go?
"SHe is familiar..." No need to capitalize the second letter, too.
"Note1) After " There was a footnote that said something like ((Not her actual second mission, this was her first mission on the Miharu)) but it vanished.
"Edit Death, Revival, and the Present" I don't think edit should be in there.
"The Miharu clan had her revived after a time , along with the others who had died with her. Yoroko was revived just prior the attack on Amaya's Gate ." No need for spaces before punctuation
"The quiet and non-confrontational Yoroko seeing her initial death as a motivator decided to prove her self wrong."Should be, ...Yoroko saw her death as a motivator and decided...
"Yoroko complete officer training on the lower end of the spectrum..." Why are you selling this character short?
There are two missions that she went on that are completely not talked about! I found this snippet about what happened during her own second mission:
"Yoroko's video started with her in the Black Spiral compound where she had begun engaging the nekomachina before being mobbed by four of them. "Mizuno-hei had a rough start," the image cut to her being near the blast radius of a psionic grenade, then almost getting her head torn off by one of the nekomachina. But then the image cut to her doing all the little things right, communicating with her fellow soldiers, supporting the team and bravely engaging the Mishumachina. "But she came to shine as the mission progressed. Her earlier nervousness gave way to what I see to be seeds of growth." The video cut to the moment right after Nyton was nearly decapitated by Eve."
That's some intense stuff! Why is this not talked about? Everything about her time on Miharu other than what this character's creator wrote in the wiki is simply lost to the wind.
"Her since having obtained a command position has since changed, to commanding her own star ship one day." This sentence makes no sense grammatically.
Where did her art gallery go?
"SHe is familiar..." No need to capitalize the second letter, too.
"Note1) After " There was a footnote that said something like ((Not her actual second mission, this was her first mission on the Miharu)) but it vanished.
"Edit Death, Revival, and the Present" I don't think edit should be in there.
"The Miharu clan had her revived after a time , along with the others who had died with her. Yoroko was revived just prior the attack on Amaya's Gate ." No need for spaces before punctuation
"The quiet and non-confrontational Yoroko seeing her initial death as a motivator decided to prove her self wrong."Should be, ...Yoroko saw her death as a motivator and decided...
"Yoroko complete officer training on the lower end of the spectrum..." Why are you selling this character short?
There are two missions that she went on that are completely not talked about! I found this snippet about what happened during her own second mission:
"Yoroko's video started with her in the Black Spiral compound where she had begun engaging the nekomachina before being mobbed by four of them. "Mizuno-hei had a rough start," the image cut to her being near the blast radius of a psionic grenade, then almost getting her head torn off by one of the nekomachina. But then the image cut to her doing all the little things right, communicating with her fellow soldiers, supporting the team and bravely engaging the Mishumachina. "But she came to shine as the mission progressed. Her earlier nervousness gave way to what I see to be seeds of growth." The video cut to the moment right after Nyton was nearly decapitated by Eve."
That's some intense stuff! Why is this not talked about? Everything about her time on Miharu other than what this character's creator wrote in the wiki is simply lost to the wind.
And most of what's on the wiki was written by the original player. I summed up what happened. I don't know how to hotlinkthe RP on Miharu, so I added the suggestions made in this thread previously.
Then POOF out of the blue weeks later, this? After I sent a PM asking how to update the templette? That's stressful, and the way it's written? That isn't helpful.
~~edited by staff
Then POOF out of the blue weeks later, this? After I sent a PM asking how to update the templette? That's stressful, and the way it's written? That isn't helpful.
~~edited by staff
Last edited by a moderator:
Well, the inventory section isn't there but you can always add it later I suppose (and, like skills, it's technically optional).
One concern I have is that I think that adopted characters should generally be adoptable so they can be adopted back by their creators if the creators come back. I was wondering if you'd change the adoptable status at the bottom back to yes, so that the character can't be a "dead end."
One concern I have is that I think that adopted characters should generally be adoptable so they can be adopted back by their creators if the creators come back. I was wondering if you'd change the adoptable status at the bottom back to yes, so that the character can't be a "dead end."
