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Approved Submission Neo-Seraph

Ethereal

Ethereal

Banned Member
Inactive Member
Submission RP Example
https://stararmy.com/roleplay-forum/threads/pub-night-with-the-resurgence.68963/page-2#post-427414
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=faction:elysia:seraph:neo_s
Submission Faction(s)
  1. Elysia
Submission Terms
  1. I agree
Hello,

I got an IC request a long time ago to look into mixing Neo-Caelisolians with Seraph DNA, given Seraphs have been a underused element for ages and all Elysian types are essentially humans with wings compared to other races, which can mean they struggle to keep up in RPs with fighting.

I've been running Mochi under the 'random alien' rules since he started mixing them IC and it's been very fun to play with the old toys the Seraphs have, which have been out of RP for a while.

That's been working perfectly well, but I figured I'd submit an actual article so that anyone else playing an Elysian now or in future, can also see about trying it out in plots where combat comes up.

All of its contents are taken from already approved articles, just being repackaged as playable without looking like a blue weirdo.

Cheers

@Arbitrated
 
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I can agree that these things look really over-powered, but if you want Ethereal, take a step back and reconsider what the submission is instead of what the species is. Could this be a restricted species, down to something like Himiko where only the FM is allowed to play that body type? You and Arbs could both utilize something neat without it unhinging species balance.

Edit: I said Himiko as a joke because I headcanon she's not a normal Neko, but Yui can do things to fellow Nekovalkryja that a non-FM shouldn't.
 
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Cyan, I've answered your points.

I've explained how and why. You're hyperfocusing on one point or two areas because they might exceed an Eihei there. Every other of the dozen abilities that a Neko has either don't have equivalents here or are they are lesser than their ability counterparts. Others in this thread have supported the idea of compromise and having certain species being better and worse in certain areas, especially if they're more restricted to PCs.

Decommisioning is still a better ability than just giving in to the parasite, which is exactly what it wants. As with your other points, I don't understand where you're arguing from. The Neko ability is still far better than its 'counterpart' here.

You are the only person being this vocal and abrasive, and I'm trying to answer all your questions the best I can. You're making it hard to do so when you're not accepting my explanations in a constructive light and are insisting I've got some kind of evil agenda.

I don't understand why you're accusing me of having some kind of agenda when the article is plain as day for the actual reviewer and FM to give a proper response to.

If a change would be good, I can make changes, but I want an actual reviewer or FM to give me their view first.

Shouting the loudest over and over again doesn't make your point any more likely to be heard. A reviewer will look at exactly what you've looked at.

I suggest you take a step back and don't level accusations at me that are not in the spirit of the site and its rules, before the article has even been reviewed.

I've answered you up to this point in the spirit of collaboration, even though I could have just waited for an official review first and spared us all the anguish of these posts.

I'm done with answering you now that you've levied such accusations at me.

I'm going to go asleep now because I am not going to argue with you endlessly when it's 3am. I have far better things to do and I'm surprised you don't.

Your points have been heard, as have my explanations, so myself and the reviewer will discuss between ourselves what needs to be done about any of it.

Once this receives an actual review I'll make the relevant changes and chat to the relevant people to make any appropriate changes.

Until then, save your breath. You've said what you need to say and levelling unfounded accusations or repeating yourself isn't constructive.

Unless you're implying that the reviewer isn't going to do their job correctly?



You are the only person causing a scene here. A reviewer will read exactly what you've read.

I hope we can move past this elsewhere, outside of this thread, even if I resent your accusations. Goodnight everyone.
 
Ethereal, you didn't have to respond to me if you didn't feel like it was a good use of your time. As I said in my first post in this thread, I'm not a reviewer. It's Andrew's choice as to whether or not to hold up my concerns. I'm just trying to make my voice heard here, that's all.

Good night.
 
Just catching up here, and here's my thoughts.

1. It's okay to have opinions about submissions but I don't want anyone being jerks about stuff. "Say your piece nicely and get out" is the best method.

2. Apparently this Neo-Seraph's already being played in my plot so I guess it exists already. Not sure anyone noticed? It's basically just Ethereal giving his player character a hookup. As a GM I don't care for it but as a submissions mod it seems like fair game.

3. I get a sense, probably because this article pulls from old over-powered-as-hell Seraph article written during the era of the NH-2 and NH-7, that this body is designed for 2005-era SARP and not the more relaxed SARP of today. I guess my feelings are mixed between: "Yeah, this seems OP but it'll fit in fine," and "Do we really need an article for a species that's a body only one dude will use" (see Neo-Caelisolans - if you search on the wiki there's only two of them and one is Iemochi).

4. There is no need to compare this against Nekovalkyrja, so I'm not going to. It's literally against the rules to use old submissions to judge the power of new ones. Each submission has to stand on its own.

5. A key question is: Who/What would approving this submission actually affect? And the answer I think is basically nobody but Ethereal. And I'm not sure if anyone will have a positive or negative effect from it. It's basically just fluff.

6. No new tech is used that didn't already exist in SARP.

With these in mind I'm going to move on to the review.

Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ❌ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and the article template. Is all the information for struct present?
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki-style guidelines, including No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels.
[ ✅ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and credited in the OOC section.
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Here are some fixes this article still needs:

1. Needs a history section.
2. Needs to specify how often they can reproduce because it looks like self-replicating Army that doubles every 30 minutes as written. Don't go nuts.

When these fixes are made, please post a reply here so I can re-check the article. Thank you!
 
Alright, I couldn't sleep so I find myself mulling through the submissions forum.

My thoughts:

  1. Echoing what Wes and I both said previously it requires a history section, this is something standard across the wiki that we've been asking for.
  2. I have no issue with this being a one-off situation, the two FMs of Elysia using this body type.
  3. In terms of the fact, as Wes mentioned, Elysia is an important part of the Yamatai Star Empire. I however can't help to think the following on that same note:
    • This body type has a lot of parallels to the restricted Eihei body type which is used mostly by Samurai, Special Forces, and Imperials - You mentioned in your previous response that an Independent could see the use of this in the future, I can't help but wonder what Yamatai would think about a body-type falling into use by an Independent power. I think it would bring up questions, like why does Elysia need an elite body with this level of combat power when they have the protection of the Star Army? I could see departments like SAINT getting a little bit of concern going over this.
    • A possible solution to this would maybe be to restrict the usage to Elysian Government officials and the Star Army.
  4. I see as many others have brought up parallels to Eihei's abilities
    • Could you maybe consider a set of abilities that makes his body different than the Eihei? Maybe a unique ability set that overlaps a little less

Anyway, just some late-night thoughts. @Wes don't let this interrupt your review, I just wanted to share what I was thinking when it bumped across my screen tonight.
 
3-day approval timer.

Also, IIRC all species require some artwork for the species chart if nothing else. Any thoughts on this?
 
@Wes - I think it's been 3 days?

For art, I don't usually spend money on commissions - especially with the cost of living going up here.

Given the Elysian subspecies reshuffle, it's plausible that some of the artwork will be shifted between them and therefore Mochi's current artwork might actually be applicable to this - especially if the Neo-C becomes a solid-coloured wing, or is essentially translated into the regular Caelisolian. Depends on @Arbitrated's vision for that.
 
I can see Mochi's artwork being workable for Neo-C (currently called Neo-S in the current thread of course) given the context. Potentially Aradia's. Gotta get that species mixin' done....
 
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