ON: YSS Miharu
Shortly after Yukari's question, Kotori's door slid open, with the Taii peeking out at Yukari. "Of course I can." She said. The golden-eyed nekovalkyrja's hand were busy setting one of her mandarin dresses on a hanger. "Come on in."
"Fast," Yukari said quietly, but she stepped in all the same. Her eyes briefly floated around the scenery before locking on Kotori again. "Taii-san, may I speak freely?"
"Go ahead, Chui-san." Kotori smiled as she poked fun at Yukari's formality now that it was just the two of them. "What is on your mind?" She asked, one hand smoothing out wrinkles on the dress.
Yukari looked behind her, making sure the door had slid shut. Upon confirming this, she blurted, "Tom Freeman kissed me again."
The other arched an eyebrow. "Again?" Kotori had suspected both liked each other since Yukari had mentioned they'd go on a date and that Tom pretty much confirmed her suspicions when he and she had talked in the baths back on Scorpio Base... but Yukari had not talked to her in earnest since when she had brought up the desire to change back to a NH-29H body.
"Again," Yukari said, words dumping out of her mouth at once like a pepper shaker without its top. "In the kitchen this time. On the counter. He touched my chest too. So sorry, Koto-san, but it felt incredible." Yukari's legs seemed to wobble a little bit as she thought about it during her retelling. "He is dangerous, Koto-san; I see him and my mind becomes soft like anpan, soft and sweet and not good for anyone!"
Kotori frowned a bit before heading in her walk-in closet. There was the distinctive sound of metal-coming-in-contact-with-metal as she hooked the hanger. "Why tell me you are sorry?"
The question sunk into the softness of Yukari's brain and didn't go anywhere for a moment. "I -- do not know. I had to tell someone, and I trust you completely, and I felt I was betraying my duty by interacting this way with an enlisted, as it is inappropriate." Her eyes seemed to glaze over a little. "But ... it felt so good, Koto-san." She breathed the words out. "And he has such emotions for me, and I for him, I believe -- " She stopped short, realizing what she had said.
"Taisa Sydney didn't seem to have such worries. Neither did Taisa Hanako. I don't see why you have to bother your pretty head about that as long as you act responsibly when the time requires it. The same goes for him." Kotori emerged from the closet and walked to her bag, which rested on a corner of her bed, to pick up some of her lingerie. She gave Yukari a sidelong glance. "So you're very fond of him?"
"Yes," Yukari said before she could hesitate. "Ah-I meant to say, that ... yes. I am." The scene seemed a little strange to her -- Kotori was practially endorsing Tom's handling of her, as long as he waited for the proper moments. And it was true that Taisa Hanako had no issues with seemingly anything involving touching. She did not pursue the mention of Sydney-Taisa; it was still a sore spot for Kotori, whether she brought it up on her own or not.
"Good. Then go for it." Kotori nodded to Yukari and sat on the edge of the bed, her hands industriously beginning to fold her undergarments. "It's what we are in the market for, remember? Men of integrity?"
The thought fried Yukari's brain into existence again. "Integrity," she said slowly. "You believe he has that?"
"I think he has more than most." Kotori replied.
" ... Sou." A big, stupid kind of smile rose on Yukari's face. She smiled with teeth for once, then jumped up and down. "I see! He does, does he not? I have found one! I found one! YATTA!"
Kotori chuckled, but her eyes strayed to the undergarments she was folding. "You found one before me. Maybe you aren't as plain as you think."
"Aw -- " Yukari immediately realized she was gloating, and stopped. "Koto-san, that is no way to talk. You will find someone, I know." She sat down on Kotori's bed opposite the undergarments. She raised an eyebrow. "Especially with such pretty clothes."
"Don't worry about me." Kotori made a small dismissive gesture though she inwardly admitted that while she was rooting for Yukari, having Yukari's time and attentions monopolized by Tom meant she'd end up being without company most of the time and Yukari was the only person she felt she could really open up to. The thought made her feel hollow. "Instead, I'd like you to reflect on the nature of the relationship. Isn't two days a bit quick to get as serious as you are now?"
Yukari blinked. It felt like months somehow. "You mean to say, he does not love me, but wants me for intercourse, neh?"
"I mean to say the there is a difference between lust and love." Kotori wetted her lower lip as she considered what to say next and then continued. "The relationship you and I have is based on having someone that the other can confide to that would understand the joys and pains the other shares. It's based on knowing that you can depend on the other, that you are willing to support the other as much as you can. However, when we get to the bed... it's mostly lust motivated: we slake our needs so that we can feel less lonesome and generally better about ourselves afterwards. It's true that we do pay a kindness to each other by doing so, but it is still mostly lust."
"So, what goes on between you and I is intimate friendship, but we aren't exactly lovers."
Yukari thought about what Kotori said. It seemed cold, but she was right, mostly. The idea of lusting over Kotori did not quite make sense, she had always considered it intimate, whether it was sexual or not. With Tom-- what was it with Tom? "With Freeman-Heisho, it is some of that as well, Koto-san. I just cannot base it in time and trust ... just feelings. We understand each other, we feel what the other is feeling. We care about the other. It is not so different, I think, yet it is not the same at all." She looked confused. "I cannot explain it."
"If you want love, you'll need to build a better foundation for it than simply feeling good in his arms, when he touches you, or when you talk to him." Kotori asserted. Her voice had a slightly sad undertone to it - it was a lesson she had paid a high price to learn. "Love is more than sharing one's bed. It is going out of your way to be with that person and make his or her life interesting. You have to live with him, but it's not only that."
"Love can only grow out of a respect for your own life. When you love yourself, then you can love someone whom can make your existence seem all that much more worth living. But as long as you carry around a baggage of self-loathing, you cannot realistically achieve that."
Yukari had never heard anything like that come from Kotori before ... but somehow, she did not feel like she was being talked to. She nodded all the same. "I understand, Koto-san ... thank you." She spoke quietly, trying to look into Kotori's golden eyes.
Kotori tried to smile."You have a right to be happy, Yukari, despite your mistakes, despite your imperfections. It's just the same for Tom. It's probably also why you both don't enjoy being soldiers all that much: you both have something to lose which gives you more than a healthy reason to fear for what you might miss." Kotori reached out and had her index tap lightly on the tip of Yukari's nose. "That's why I'm encouraging you, but also cautioning you about knowing what you really want and how to aim for it."
Yukari's smile brightened again. "I did not believe I would receive advice on how to aim from you, Kotori." She smirked, just a little, before leaning in and pulling Kotori into a hug. "Thank you, so much, Kotori ... "
Kotori squeezed in return. "Make sure to... well..." She felt awkward. "...make sure you don't end up having regrets, Yukari. Regrets are bad memories to have."
"The only regret I will have, Koto-san, is that if I hurt him. Or you." Yukari looked into Kotori's eyes now, finally. "Neh? You are still my best friend, Kotori."
"Only for a little more than a week!" Kotori giggled, making fun in general to how quickly nekovalkyrjas latched emotionally to something. Of course, a week had more than the trivial value Kotori was making it seem; even a week meant something to a young nekovalkyrja.
Yukari smiled. "You forget, I have no other friends but you! I cannot discard you simply for a man."
"Oh, so, I'm your best friend because I'm your only one? How flattering!" Kotori said, her grin softening the sarcasm in her words.
"I could also say it is because you are good in bed!" Yukari grinned too, taking up the challenge.
"Maybe, though I think you'll quickly find I pale in comparison to a real mate." The other countered.
"You do not credit yourself enough," Yukari said, almost a purr in her voice. "Besides, women please one another in ways a man cannot. Neh?"
"I guess." Kotori replied.
"Cheh," Yukari said, still grinning. "Do not worry so. You will find someone, man or woman. I know you."
Kotori pulled back to sit properly on the edge of the bed. "I suppose I might eventually." She didn't really want to dwell on it, so, it was time for a subject change. "You left the briefing quickly." She noted.
"Ah -- yes," Yukari thought, eyes looking down. Kotori had put up her wall again. She understood. "I had to take time to think."
"I want the senior staff to meet up after supper so we can discuss things over, but I've already had a talk with Nyton to cover things which bothered him. We can talk too, you know?"
Yukari nodded. "I only worry ... our tactics." She shook her head. "No, our strategy. We are a ship without a unit, without a squadron ... we are alone, by design. It frightens me some."
Kotori blinked at her friend's words. "It's strange... I see it more as me not having anyone in the way of things that need doing. It makes it so that I can do things my way instead of depending on someone else to make the big decisions. Does that make sense?"
"Mm, it does ... and I am glad you will be able to do things your way." Yukari looked down at the undergarments for a moment. "It feels as if we are ... assassins. We were created simply to kill beneath the view of everyone but Ketsurui-sama."
"Does it seem that bad?" Kotori asked, tilting her head.
"It does not seem ... honest." Yukari had to struggle for the words. "We are SAINT operatives, in a way, and I have never been comfortable with SAINT. Forgive me, these are my feelings."
"Is there a better way to oppose the Black Spiral?" Kotori inquired. Yukari had training as an intelligence officer. Either she would come up with a better idea or she would reflect on the merits of the approach they took (with perhaps suggestions which might improve on it).
Yukari had to think for a moment. "If our available time is great, and no other vessels can assist us ... no. I suppose not. But to succeed, we must eliminate vessels one by one, in single engagements, and hope that Black Spiral cannot rebuild fast enough." She shrugged. "We seem to be shooting for a specific target -- otherwise, the odds of our success are dismal."
"I agree for the most part." Kotori nodded. "But the Miharu's main task is to investigate the Black Spiral and try to significantly hinder their operations. If we see an opportunity to hurt them badly and risk an open engagement with them, I can go and request the Taisho for more ships." The Taii grinned. "I'm ambitious, not suicidal."
"Investigation I understand," Yukari said, settling into the role of intelligence officer. "But experience and evidence suggests Black Spiral is a very insular organization ... difficult to penetrate, predict or track. To hinder their operations appropriately, we must have a target in mind, at some level. We are not aiming otherwise."
Kotori sighed and filched more clothes from her bag to fold. "That really depends on what details we can find out in our investigation. I'd like to make a more coherent plan, but the truth is I don't have the answers just yet... so, all I can do is to try and have a more open-ended approach on this."
Yukari nodded. "Ketsurui-sama did not specify much else ... " She shook her head. Without a plan, we risk losing sight of the goal.
"That's why we're being given some latitude with this." Kotori smiled indulgently. Yukari was such a worrywart - but she was her worrywart and that was why Kotori had her as her second-in-command too. Someone had to balance out her initiative with caution.
PAUSE