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Rejected Submission [Species] Suu

BloodyScarlet

BloodyScarlet

Well-Known Member
Submission Type: Species
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=species:suu

Faction: Suu
Faction requires art? Yes

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? Yes
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? No

Notes:
This is a rough first draft as I know that more is needed in the Species, I just wanted to see people's reactions to this Species before going further and creating something no one wants.
 
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Alright, I'm not a tech mod. Mostly because when I'm not being sick I'm usually either working or drunk. But I've taken a gander at these articles before and after the updates. So my opinion can easily be discarded or contradicted by an actual tech mod, who may or may not be reading these articles as I'm typing. But I figure you deserve at least some response.

First, the articles grammar has improved dramatically since the initial reveal. Some articles still need work with content and occasional double words, but not as hard to read as before.


On the whole I think it might be an idea worth exploring, however a large part of it feels somewhat vague. Such as why Suu cannot get rid of the 'slime feeder' despite being total shape-shifters and seeming to mostly be made from some sort of molecular structure, also the references to males and females of the species and no information on how these work beyond a gauge mention of mating.

I'm also interested in the lauded arts and crafts made by a species whose primary state is that of gel, might be interesting.

Also, many earthly viruses are perfectly fine in water, I see no reason why the Suu would be immune to ALL disease. Indeed, I'm surprised no local diseases have targeted the (assumed) molecular nature of the Suu and could easily transfer by touch or any sharing of, uh, fluid.

I'd also like to see a lot more information about the Suu's home planet, since I believe that local environment is an important part of explaining how a species came about and what it's expected to survive.

Also, a military force that can be kept at bay with an industrial water blaster might need some buffs.
 
@BloodyScarlet

The concept of what these are is something I've seen before, but still find very interesting.

Overall, I highly recommend you follow many of Jimmy's recommendations. I won't double over them again to keep this post from becoming a massive brick, so I'll move on to other things you can do. As this is the species page, you will want it to solely focus on them, and only them - not their government, culture or anything else of that sort. Just them, in terms of what they are. Those other topics you have would go into separate articles instead. I am currently hard at work myself trying to make some antagonists for the setting, and you can take a look at what I'm up to if you'd like.

Making a new species is not a small endeavor, and is a large undertaking that requires a lot of patience and hard work. The reason for this, is to prevent a flood of orphans - it's horrible if a new species shows up, and is abandoned shortly after the creator gets bored and leaves.
 
Thanks for the help guys, I will continue to work on them, it is just been busy so haven't been able to work on it.

At the moment this is still in the idea stage so I am happy with all this help, they will get better later, I like your idea they look cool.
 
@BloodyScarlet

I'm sorry for the delay on my part! It's alright that the culture and planet isn't done - they should be just some quick links located in a different article, or a brief mention with said link. You can put doing those off for later as a separate submission if you'd like. It'd also make doing this all a lot easier too, since it breaks up the work into smaller pieces.

I highly suggest you have the article divided into two main parts; an "Anatomy" and then a "Physiology" portion with a level 5 header (Five = signs). I also note that the title has 7 of them. 6 is the highest level we got here, and is something you'll want to keep in mind. Changing it won't make a difference though, since it acts as a Level 6 anyways. If you choose to divide your article like I have, the "Anatomy" portion would detail their physical structure or makeup, while the "Physiology" would show how they actually do work. Many of the "Skills and Traits" would actually go into the Anatomy or Physiology sections, and be repeated in a "Portrayal Guide" page that's linked but separate.
 
I'm kind of concerned that this sounds more like a description of a magic fantasy monster instead of a sci-fi species. In particular, the way that they can somehow mimic anything they encounter, including voices, and also read minds, and have super mental abilities, and are crazy hard to kill, and especially that they appear humanoid.
Weaknesses: Despite all these strengths, Suu is not invincible.
Click to expand...
I feel like this should be self-evident instead of having the author attempting to convince people by saying so and merely offering the reader some token weaknesses in a transparent attempt to justify their powers.
 
On that note, I think a superpowered monstrous race is totally viable. The thing is that they don't come across as tool-using humanoids, but a deadly apex predator that has already found a comfortable niche at the top of their ecosystem. They'll never develop advanced technology because they have no use for it, and basically be landlocked to their homeworld unless someone decides to start importing them.

That could even be their main weakness. They're full of hubris, dismissive of creativity and intellect and for the most part won't become an interstellar race unless they trick or bully another one into getting them there.

Their self-assurance as the pinnacle of life means that for the most part they might even rush headlong into death, being incapable of understanding outcomes where they don't win.
 
BloodyScarlet said:
I may do a complete redo of this race, I done it a while ago so reading through what I did I realise how bad these people are.
Click to expand...

There's no shame in it. A lot of the good races posted to the site have gone through a lot of drafts until something good sticks.
 
My first idea that I changed from was a insectoid race that I was thinking had living ships, like a mix of Moya from Farscape and Tyranid Hive ships from Warhammer 40k. I like both of the things and they give really good ideas.
 
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