Rejected Submission [Species] Suu

[BloodyScarlet]

Submission Type: Species
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=species:suu

Faction: Suu
Faction requires art? Yes

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? Yes
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? No

Notes:
This is a rough first draft as I know that more is needed in the Species, I just wanted to see people's reactions to this Species before going further and creating something no one wants.

 

[BloodyScarlet]

I have done the new species page, it is what my old idea was going to be.

 

[Nashoba]

The one thing to remember, when you are writing them. Its from the perspective of the 'players' who are them. So comments should reflect that. In the first draft when you were talking about their ability to absorb water. your comment was about the perception of others, the Suu would know if they can actually absorb and process it. etc.

 

[BloodyScarlet]

How much of that have I done now?

 

[Wes]

I don't think it's quite done yet, but it's definitely headed in the right direction in my opinion. Much more science-fiction-y and sounding like a legit alien. Thanks for being flexible and heeding people's feedback.

 

[BloodyScarlet]

Thank you Wes and no problem I know I need to listen to others as they have been here longer than me and know what is good.

 

[CadetNewb]

@BloodyScarlet

Since you're reworking them from the ground up, I'm going to put this review on hold, ok? Just post in here once you're ready for us to take a look again.

 

[BloodyScarlet]

Hey again, okay I have done a lot to the page now, I hope it helps a lot.

 

[CadetNewb]

@BloodyScarlet

Sorry it took a bit for me to get to, but for starters, I suggest renaming the page to just "Suu". It's a page about just the species; it's only the 'General Info' area that gives a few details about the other things after all. The grammar isn't the most important thing, but it could still use some work; reading it out loud would likely help. Also keep in mind that commas are basically a brief pause, and that if you want a slightly longer pause where the sentence breaks into a slightly different direction/topic, use a semi-colon. You'll have to separate the Behimoni and Wruuph into their own, separate species articles; assuming I'm reading it right, they're not the same species, and this is meant just for the Suu. Next, you'll also need an Appearance section to describe in detail what they look like.

Those are some of the things I've noted so far; I hope it's not too much at once.

 

[CadetNewb]

@BloodyScarlet - are you still interested in working on this? If not, I'm going to have to reject this. You'll still be able to re-submit it when you're ready to give it another go though.