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As I promised here, I'm submitting this on behalf of @Rizzo. Tagging @Blizzard and @Kai due to the usage of Frontier Service Corporation and Origin Industries products in this submission; for a complete list of the numerous technologies used in this submission, see the spoiler below.
[ x ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ️/ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ? ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ / ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ x ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[ x ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ x ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ x ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ / ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ / ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.
Sadly there are problems:
1. The Anthedon doesn't have a CFS according to it's article
2. There are several grammar and other typo's that need to be fixed. Some of the sentences and paragraphs are difficult to read.
3. The formatting is a bit off.
I'll take a second look over of the article while at work in my break and then post if I find any other issue's when I get home (Can't access the forums at work, but can access the wiki >.<)
Thank you for resubmitting this for me, @FrostJaeger, I didn't realize that it would have to be resubmitted since nothing has really changed.
In the wiki page for the original Anthedon the suit came equipped with a CFS as found in the Other Systems section under propulsion. I'll look through it again for typos and check the formatting again.
You’re welcome, @Rizzo; regarding the mention of the CFS, that’s most likely a typo that was unintentionally made back when the article was first created. I’ve gone ahead and edited it out - sorry for not noticing it earlier! >.<
All right, @Kyle I'm ready for you. I ran through the whole article again and found a few typos which I've corrected. I didn't see any formatting issues, maybe you could point a few of them out so that I can know what to look for?
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...
[ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.
Alright, I'm going to split this into sections so it's easy to pick through. Click the spoiler to expand it.
Very simply put, there's a lot of minor errors such as words not being spaced as well as spelling issues. And while it's not breaking any template formatting issues currently, a very big problem in this article is the sub-sections for certain things. Under "Stealth" for example, you have these little bits that are bolded and then just colon'd off into a paragraph. Instead, could you use bullets? This would make them indented slightly and make them far easier to pick apart. You could make a singular paragraph bit but then a bulleted list of the parts themselves, too; this would also solve it I think. But this causes a very blurred reading (at least for me) when reading through this and could easily be lightly formatted a bit more to be easier to split up.
There was a mention of a Mark 1; I had to look to find out it was an almost identical article. That needs to be linked.
This is the biggest issue and part of #5; you mentioned that this wasn't submitted before but the article is almost a spot-on repaste of the original Mk 1 article with very little added. This needs to be changed; I would personally recommend that you simply make a mention of the differences of Version 2 and make THAT the article as a stub addition for the overall model. A better example would be to use the Hostile and its Upgrade Package. Using a similar format would greatly benefit this article and DRASTICALLY clean things up and prevent us from having 3 slightly different articles on the wiki that could honestly have been 2 (one of these 3 is Candon's personal suit, but the point is to avoid duplicate articles).
Once these are sufficiently addressed and/or fixed, I will handle the approval of this article. Or Kyle can; figured I'd give my own review, however, given the intent of trying to get this article cleaned up faster.
All grammar is fixed as good as I can see so that should be ready. I've bulleted things all over too, so it should be easier to read.
In regards to upgrade package articles I can only say no thank-you. I'll delete the Mk.I page before scrapping the Mk.II page as it is by far the more important of the two. Alternatively I can add a part to the Mk.I stating that it has become the Mk.II and that can serve as something of a reference.
Looks 1000 times better; it does need text under Power Systems before the bullet list, though. Not my rules but I know that if I didn't point it out then there might be an angry party or two. I was also wanting to ask if the "Candon's Personal Prototype Armor" bit at the VERY top is absolutely necessary? I've not seen another article have something like that in its initial header/summary and it looks a bit weird to me. Just one to hope and get it looking clean, after all.
But apart from the Power Systems bit, it seems fine to me now; if Kyle doesn't wrap it up then I probably will once you've done the small blurb and let me know.
Good catch, I forgot to fill that Power Systems header in. It's been filled in now with a bit of info about how it's running. I also moved the cooling systems under the PS header since it just seemed to make more sense.
The bit at the very top was completely unimportant so it's gone now.
Thanks for looking it over!
(Picking up from Discord) @Wes this is the Spectre I was talking about. It's the next step in Candon's armor to achieve stability and clone a One Punch Man normal punch. In order to operate covertly it cannot have any Yam-tech but to run with Mindys it needs a teleporter. So this one has actual hard points that are Mindy compatible rather than just welding a teleporter to the butt. The hard points are at the base of the wings for things like capacitors or countermeasures and the teleporter compatible slot is on the back.
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] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
