Approved Submission [Valsh'Nar Empire] Species

Under Review

I've looked over it, but right now, my chief concern is how much information and detail would be appropriate considering this is an NPC faction similar to the Mishhuvurthyar. Basically, I'm not sure how high the bar should be set. Because of that, I do not know what requirements I should lay down for them.

@Kyle - what's your opinion? We both know the Mishhu articles aren't the best around and are rather lacking, but at the same time, this is no PC race either.

@Riko

Ok, talking with Kyle, I'm going to go ahead and hold it up to par with player species and factions. However, I'll definitely let things bend here and there.

First, you'll need to separate the species page into three distinct articles since they're not different stages of life or anything like that at all. Basically, [:species:kudah], [:species:karshvick] and so on with the wiki. I suggest putting the links to the individual species on the splash page we approved earlier.

Second, the article itself will need to have the proper sections in it. That means a General Information/About, Appearance, Physiology (what all the gibs inside actually do), Gross Anatomy (body structures we can visibly see and info on those), reproduction and any extras you feel is fitting.

After that, we'll take it from there.

We're at a month. @Riko, can we get an update please?

Hey sorry about that, got caught up in job drama and moving drama, I will get back working on this ASAP seeing as most of the moving stuff is finally over.

Please add overview paragraphs for each species where I put the FIXME emoticons.

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=valsh_nar-empire:species

Did a combination of the two, made them their own sub pages and had a brief description before the link.

@Wes - what level of detail should I hold this article to? Though I previously stated that I would have it the same as a player faction species, it would also put a heavy burden on Riko since he'll have to do four. Even if we go with a lower standard however, you'll have to give a detailed Appearance section for each species @Riko - it's one of the most important parts.

Ok after talking with Doshi on IRC as well as reading the comments I added more detail and such to all four species. So another looksie is in order I suppose.

I'm not too hot on the part about bringing Nekovalkyrja DNA into this.

Karshvicks ability to absorb knowledge by consuming the flesh of its prey.

Click to expand...

Huh? How would that even work?

Like planarian worms in This experiment .

I'm sorry for not replying sooner, but @Wes hasn't answered my own question, so I'm not entirely sure to what standard I should hold this article to. They're not wild animals and are a civilization, yet they're also antagonists, which could be used to argue for lowering the standard by assuming that such a level of detail is not necessary. I would rather hold them to a high standard, but I also know that's a heavy burden.

Focusing on the article itself however, the appearance section is much better, though it can still use work. Though it's pointed out that the Kudah is unguligrade and walks on hooves, is it dog-legged as well with the joints alternating, or is it 'straight' like a human? The mandibles should be described more on their own as well, rather than being compared to a Karshvick. As-is, there isn't any point of reference for a player to get an idea of how those would be at all. Overall, the more detail you can provide as to how this looks, the better, especially since there's no artwork.

Moving on to the physiology, again, don't mention the other species. Describe the Kudah on its own, since comparing it to the Karshvick gives very little point of reference. Going with its exoskeleton for an example, how does it compare to a human nail? Is is just as tough but thicker? Right now, if it's as flimsy as human skin, I imagine internal damage would be easy since they'd be very squishy. The info under "Role Within the Empire" and "Political Chess" can go into another page. A dedicated culture or guide would do fine, but so would the current species splash page.

With their psychic abilities, you're going to have to give more information on what they can and can't do. Otherwise, there's too much up to interpretation and power-gaming from the get-go. As they're RPd and players like them however, I believe you'll likely be able to expand on this even further. The same or similar goes for "Transmogrification" as well; you can toss out the example with the Neko however, since it's unnecessary. What you'll need is some sort of brief, unspecific detailing of how it does so. I'm guessing something about it absorbing eaten DNA, and choosing to splice it in with its own, or maybe developing specialist cells that are focused on taking on foreign genetic material and morphing. There' a lot of options. A general idea of how much genetic material and nutrients/food they'll need will also be handy.

I point out that the study you linked is a really bad one. However, a cool idea for sci-fi is a cool idea for sci-fi. This ability should be chosen not because it's feasible or backed by science, but because it's a nifty mechanic and it's fun.

Ok worked on it a bit more, expanded the details on the kudah and also reworked the transmogrifying and the psychic abilities. Also condensed culture stuff to the culture page.

Ok, moving on to the next bits. I see that it says the Kudah is a "Humanoid Moth Hybrid" - that would seem to imply that it is human in origin or already includes human genetic material in it for one reason for another. Depending on whether or not this is intentional, you may need to fix this.

With its physical appearance, it's looking better, but could still use work. It's referencing the appearance of a human female; like I said before, you'll want to describe this on its own without resorting to comparing it with other things as much as possible. In this instance, you could say that it has a slim, hourglass figure that is vaguely feminine in appearance despite a lack of mammary glands for an example.

Regarding the physiology, the section doesn't tell me much about its guts and inner workings, specifically, what it'll look like if it goes splat or if a Ketsurui Samurai feels she got looked at wrong. I basically don't know what color its blood, and therefore its organs, would be. I also don't know if the organs inside would be something strange and insect inspired/-like either. Perhaps more importantly though, is the exoskeleton. There's a lot of different types of leather, ranging from soft as a baby's rear end chamois to medieval boiled leather armor made from a bull. I also got to point out that the exoskeleton is going to be the only thing that will protect all its vital organs too, including the brain. If it's too vulnerable to blunt trauma, it's useless.

With their psi abilities, you're going to have to be very clear on what they can and cannot do, and may even have to have a quick-list of bullet points following up the paragraphs as an aid. Though you mention a weight for an exampel you did not mention a velocity. "Just" five pounds going at 1 km/s is no laughing matter. Perhaps more importantly, is what they can and cannot do the minds of others. There's a very wide range of psionic abilities, so you'll have to be very clear on what they have; this area will likely need the most work asides from the transformation stuff. I currently don't know where it's all coming from either. Special brain structures laced with exotic materials or something? Also, I highly suggest renaming it Psionic Abilities or something that's suitable for a wiki article. The current doesn't read very well.

As for transmogrification, we could use some more info. Right now it just tells us it can do that, but not to what extent it'd end up looking like the target species. The why behind this process is also important. For what reason do they even bother? Is it for infiltration? Something else?

Humanoid actually only means that something is roughly human in shape or appearance, not that it's derived from human origins. Heck, several of the Neshaten races, and Nash's HSC are both technically humanoid, and they're very obviously not of human origin. It's just a catch all term that refers to a race or group being bipedal, with roughly human proportions and sets of limbs.

I also want to point out that we banned most full on psionic stuff a while back, for pretty good reason. If anything is going to be allowed, it's going to be pretty small, and being able to to accelerate a 5lb chunk of rock at speeds that bullets travel at is incredibly much more than "small". A km/s translates out to roughly 3280 ft/s, which is a pretty impressive clip for something that size to be moving at, especially considering they can do this without anything external to assist them. For perspective, the standard muzzle velocity of an M16 is only about 3100ft/s, and those rounds are much, much smaller than a 5lb object. When you're looking at velocity, especially for something that can be weaponized, ft/s are the best way to consider it unless it goes ridiculously fast, just because that's the most common measurement.

I'm well aware of that, but the term 'Humanoid' still makes me uncomfortable though - it reminds me of rubber-forehead aliens from Star Trek for an example. That's why I prefer that they're described independently from using a singular word like this. At least as much as possible. As for psionics, I'll actually allow it, but it's all about its limits. That's why I expressly asked to see what it can do; from there, I'll judge if it'll work or not.

@Riko: This is a formal notice of impending submission rejection. I need a response updating us on this in the next seven days, please.

I am still working in it, need to take the recommendations as previously stated and apply them.

Roger that. You're on hold for another month!

Ok changes made. On a side note however I made references to a Valsh'Nar Brain Worm in the post, that is going to be explained in an ammo type for one of the VNE guns and will have a proper link later when the time arrives and it gets approved.