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Approved Submission [Yamatai] Ke-M2-W3901 Shoulder-Mounted Scalar Machine Gun

Soban

Soban

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Ok, looking it over, a few things seemed to stick out for me.
  • I think it's odd that the semi-automatic and automatic modes have different damage ratings, and would recommend keeping them at Tier 3. To differentiate it from the LASR, which is also Tier 3, I suggest a higher rate of fire. Where the LASR has a RoF of 15, you can go for 30 here.
  • I also admit that for a moment, I actually thought it was going by the older DR system because it said DR rather than Tier; you can change that up if you think that's necessary.
  • Does the heavy mode shoot at the same rate of fire as the standard mode? I also suggest putting the bit about the explosive radius in parenthesis or double parenthesis (( )) to make it a note.
  • The weapon doesn't actually need to draw off of an external battery; if you want, you can have it draw directly from the suit like the shoulder aether cannon does
  • I know that it's based off of the aether smg, but does it look like a modified one? Or is it a multi-barrel rotary? Some exposition on how it looks in another paragraph would help. Unlike the 20/50mm and the ether saber rifle, this will be a completely new article which won't have art by proxy of the Mindy's own art.
 
I removed the single shot setting, I've updated it to be more consistent with the v3 system, I've clarified the rates of fire, removed the external battery, added section about appearance.
 
We're almost there I think. For the stun's effects, I suggest adding the details into (( )) as well. The rate of fire bold bit also includes a (rapid fire pulse) which may be a holdover from the original smg article. Since there's two modes here, it's likely better to remove that to clarify.
 
Alright, I pointed out earlier that if you stuck to Tier 3, you'd have to bump the rate of fire up to 30 rounds per second. However, I note that it's currently Tier 4, so you'll have to stick with anything from 10-18, with 18 rounds a second being the original aether SMG's rate. Take your pick, but it has to be one of those. You'll also have to include the YE in the article itself. Meanwhile, the extra notes you added regarding scalar effects could also be turned into footnotes with (( )) under the Damage itself, but I'll be lenient and make that optional.

For the record, I'm not going to insist on the weapon template since this is going through as a PA subsystem.

The submitted article is/has…
[O] A very high level of overall quality
[O] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ - ] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)\\
[O] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[ - ] In the proper format/template
[O] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[O] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[O] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[O] No red and/or broken links
[O] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[O] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[ ] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[ ] Obtusely redundant
[ ] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[ ] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[ ] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ ] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[ ] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ ] Lacking Detail
[ ] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[ - ] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[X] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[X] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[O] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.

Easy fixes. Once they're done, we're good to go.
 
It would be great to have, but is optional. I'm not strict to the point of asking for every detail, but I do encourage more.
 
Ok, I've updated the info and added the bit about countering swarms of missiles. I'm not sure what is meant by the size description.
 
I believe that he was referring to a rough description of its dimensions. How long the weapon is, and perhaps the mount. That sort of thing. I see that you're using more of the weapon template now, rather than going with the 'sub-system' route. Since that's the case, I think some info on the muzzle blast, how it sounds (retort) and the projectile appearance would be appreciated. However, I'm not entirely certain what that would be myself even though the weapon it is based off of has been around for so long. I think @Wes might have an answer to that.
 
Yhea, I'm still waiting for @Wes to give me more feedback. I asked him about it, and he suggested changing the name to something other then machinegun, but nothing on what it would look/sound like. The only thought I had was 'blaster' but that seems perhaps a bit too Star Wars for me.
 
Soban said:
Yhea, I'm still waiting for @Wes to give me more feedback. I asked him about it, and he suggested changing the name to something other then machinegun, but nothing on what it would look/sound like. The only thought I had was 'blaster' but that seems perhaps a bit too Star Wars for me.
Click to expand...

How about the "Ke-M2-W3901 Shoulder-Mounted Scalar Repeater"?
 
Gosh, even I didn't know that about Aether! We just, never brought it up. XD

There's still a few minor things to fix though. The title line needs to be fixed a bit since its missing a word or two. Also, in the first few sentences, the full name of the gun is repeated several times over. You might want to fix that to get it to flow better. I actually want to point out that Scalar Machine Gun abbreviates to SMG, so you might even want to go for that.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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