ON:
Tom moved quickly; he did not want to bring any attention to himself nor did he have the time for idle chitchat. Kotori had given him a tight deadline to help Yukari recover from her self-inflicted exhaustion. He slid into the kitchen, past those eating, and rummaged through the storage area for easy-to-eat food. A few more juice packets, some melt-in-your-mouth chocolates, a can of creamy soup and a couple sandwiches were all he could carry in his folded arms. Weaving back the way he came, he then proceeded to Yukari's room, where the large Sigurd greeted him.
"Ok, let me in," he said, shifting the contents of the items in his arms lest they spill out. "Has Yukari's condition changed any?"
"Negative," the tall android said. "She appears still to be sleeping."
"Well, she'll need to eat some more if she's to regain her energy," Tom replied. "Thanks for your help. Please make sure nobody disturbs us unless its an emergency." He slid past the android and into the room.
Sigurd nodded as he stepped aside. Once the door closed, he returned to his position.
Inside, Yukari was still wrapped in the towel, placed gently in the pitbed. She had a peaceful enough expression on her face, but she still had bruises on her body.
Tom walked up to the pit bed and dropped the items he had collected near Yukari's feet. He then grabbed one of the juice packets -- a nice fruitpunch -- took the white straw from it and jabbed it into it. "Open your mouth," he said softly while nudging her. "You need to drink some more."
It took a moment for Yukari to respond ... but she did, without opening her eyes. Her lips parted, her tongue steadied the straw, she latched onto it — and drained it in a single breath. "Hahh," she gasped after it was done.
The Yamataian took another juice packet and did the same, putting it near her lips. "Open your eyes when you have enough energy to." Despite the softness of his voice, the words were spoken with clinical detachment.
The box was dead within another breath. But Yukari's eyes didn't open. She spoke though, quietly. "What happened?"
"Well, you came into the public baths, promptly fainted and had to be carried back to your room by Sigurd," Tom said. "Miharu reported that you did some kind of training simulation without the safeguards and ended up almost killing yourself." He reached for the can of soup, took his utility knife out and jabbed a hole into it.
Yukari's mouth winced. "Sou ... " She 'looked' away by turning her head. "I did not eat something in time. Thank Sigurd for me, when he is available, please?"
"Already taken care of," Tom replied. "Can you sit up? I have some soup for you to drink."
The Neko seemed to freeze for a few seconds, then abruptly sat up. Her ability to move was still being measured by her OS. "Sanjuro ... poked Miyoko. It was a very strange thing to witness, and I was distracted."
"I see," Tom said. "Drink this. Chowder. It has many calories." He brought the soup to her lips and tilted the can.
Yukari could not smell yet, so she took what was offered to her. She was surprised by the thick taste of it, but it was good as far as she was concerned, and she gulped several mouthfuls down. "Mmmmmph."
Tom sat next to Yukari at the edge of the pit, but did not go in. Instead, he held the can away from his body, sticking it out like a bottle to a nursing baby.
Yukari soon had drained the whole can. When she was done, she moved her head away from the can and nuzzled against the stacking wall of the pit bed. She had enough energy to stretch her legs. "Who saw me pass out?"
"Kotori, Nyton, Masako, probably a few others, I really wasn't paying attention," Tom replied as he put the can down and reached for a sandwich. "You'll have to chew for this one. Tuna sandwich."
Yukari's face looked glum as she took the sandwich in her hands. She did not try and eat immediately. "Aiyaa," she sighed. "Are they displeased?"
"How should I know, Yukari," Tom replied calmly. "Would you be?"
" ... I suppose I would," Yukari said, taking a bite of the sandwich. The tuna did not lighten her mood any. "I could not sleep."
"And you decided to get a workout, I see." Yukari couldn't see this, of course, but the Yamataian crossed his arms. She could, however, hear his audible, frustrated huff. "Has your energy returned?"
"Not entirely ... but my higher functions are operational." She did not try to look at him; his feelings were obvious. "Thank you, for helping me."
"...Kotori charged me with your full recovery by noon," Tom said. "All of my other responsibilities have been placed on hold until that time. How long until your systems are fully operational?"
"Do you need anymore food? I have another sandwich."
Yukari nodded to the sandwich, her hands reaching out to find it. "I will be back to normal with in an hour. My bruises must heal after that." She was feeling bad about having Tom care for her under orders ... she was sure he would do it anyway, but he sounded upset. She did not want to think about Kotori.
Silence greeted her for a few moments before Tom spoke once more. "Yukari. Look at me, please."
Yukari turned her head to face him, but her eyes did not open. She grimaced with effort to try and get them to open, and finally, one did. She looked upon her lover and tried to smile a little.
Yukari wasn't greeted by the pearly whites of a grinning Tom, but the frigid expression of a scorned Raltean. "Yukari, I want you to understand something. I did not dance with a fool. I did not take her into my house. I did not fall in love with her and promise her my life with the ribbon she wears on her wrist. Do you understand?"
Responses competed inside Yukari's mind. One was capitulation: She had been an idiot, and Tom was right to scold her. The other was pride: She had killed a simulated NH-17T. She had fought hard, and in the end, she had won, if poorly. How would he have lasted? And she was doing it for the crew! For him!
She visibly took a breath in, let it settle inside of her, then expelled it. "I understand, Tom. I apologize, for my foolishness."
Tom took his own deep breath. "Really...? You probably knew how this was going to turn out, so why did you do it?" Tom looked up. "Miharu, can you show me the information regarding Yukari's simulated battle?"
Miharu did as instructed, providing the simulation results as presented to Yukari after the battle.
The Raltean's brow furrowed as he read the volumetric display showing the results. "3.78 out of 100." He repeated the figure while shaking his head. "My lover almost killed herself for a 3.78..." He visibly trembled at the statement, appearing as if he was bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders at that moment.
Yukari said nothing. The results spoke for themselves. It was not fair that her battle probability was considered so low, she felt, but it was accurate — she should have used a sidearm. It did not matter now; she was being passively berated.
In an instant, the empty can of soup was across the room, clanging against the wall. "Damn it! What did I do wrong, Yukari?! How can I make this better for you?!"
Yukari recoiled into the wall of the pit bed, arm up defensively. She looked into Tom's eyes with her one and actually felt ... scared. Afraid. She shook her head, mumbling, "I -- I don't know; I do not think you were wrong!"
"But yet you nearly threw your life away on some fucking suicide simulation!" He stood up, got some much needed distance away from Yukari. "Everything, Yukari! The sex... I gave my body to you, and only you, without compromise, without hesitation! I took you into my town and my home... my parents they approve of you! I danced with you, I shared my mind, my essence, my love for you! Everything was for you! Tell me why, Yukari, why did you do this to yourself?! What else can I give you?! My blood? My life? How can I stop you from doubting yourself, from hurting yourself?! 3.78!" He turned around. "Yukari, I'm asking you very seriously," Tom said, approaching her once more. "How can I make this better? What can I do to ease your mind?"
By the end, tears had welled in Yukari's one functional eye. The look on her face was not one of sadness. Doubt was there, perhaps some anger. But she kept her eye on him, sparkling green rimmed with white. Her body looked a bit lifeless, as if all her energy was being put into keeping her head steady.
" ... You can not exist," she said, slowly. "Before you, I had no desire to fight, Tom-san ... but I love you. And I do not want you to die. So I must be ready, to ensure you do, not die." She was sniffling, just a little. "It was stupid of me. But I was giving you, what you, offered me. I did not do it very well." Her eye lowered, and she started to shiver. "I love all you do for me ... I am sorry, I did, not, want to, treat, it, poorly ... "
Tom slowed his movements, hesitating just a moment. Then, he slid into the pit next to Yukari, taking her shoulders in his hands and looking down. "Yukari, listen to me, please," he spoke slowly, with a touch of sadness in his voice. "I'm not going to die. Stop worrying yourself to death about it... stop hurting yourself to protect me. That's not making me happy. I'm happy when you smile, when you talk to me, when you send me cute text messages on my communicator. I'm happy when I'm with you, no matter what we're doing." He brought his head up and looked into her one eye, his own sparkling with emotion. "Stop sacrificing yourself and just... live with me, for better or for worse, no matter what happens."
Yukari listened to Tom. Really, truly listened. She had not done it quite like this before. To listen what he really wanted ... but she did not understand it. Did he want her to not be able to protect them? "I, want to ... But, we are, at war. I must be ready; it is, what I was, made for ... before I met you." In Tom's hands, Yukari seemed so small, still shivering. "I do not know how, to be ready ... I do not know how."
Tom shook his head. "You don't have to fight this whole war by yourself. You have the crew. You have me. You have all of Yamatai to help you, but that's only if you let us. We're soldiers in this together... trust us." He paused, collecting his thoughts despite his emotion. "But, at the same time, we're living, breathing people too. We have to balance the soldier with the person inside. We have hopes and dreams. My dream is to be with you, Yukari, as long as I can be, whether it is one day or one hundred years. ..."
He sighed, a deep, long sigh. "I... I don't know myself, but I want to be with you, and I don't like it when you hurt yourself like this, so just, please, stop..."
"I want to be with you, for all my life," Yukari said, eye pointed down at the bed. "But I ... I cannot, give up. I am not ready, for what is ahead of us. I must become ready, Tom ... I do not, want to fail you, or the crew." Her breathing was deep, but fast. "I am tired of being weak, Tom ... I want to know I am ready to protect you."
"You're not weak, though! You're a Shosa! You deal with high-pressure situations all the time and we've come out of them well enough!" Tom didn't know exactly what he wanted to say, but, the words just spilled from his mouth. "You're good enough! You're good enough to protect me! You did it! You're strong!"
Yukari shook her head quickly, her shoulders hunching, her head down. "It is not that! ... It is fighting. I am not a fighter, Tom, and soon we will fighting, constantly, without pause for rest or even a breath. We will be consumed. How can I lead if I cannot do what my crew can do?"
Tom leaned forward and hugged Yukari tightly. "Listen to yourself. What are you saying? That you're not a leader because you can't do what the crew can do? Does that mean you're not fit to lead because you can't lead a powerarmor team like Masako can, or analyze a tactical situation like Nyton? You can't lead because you can't perform surgery as well as Sora... or cook a salmon steak with the same skill as me?" He found himself smiling at that last sentence. "Please! You're focusing on your shortcomings when you should be focusing on your strengths! Do you think Kotori can do what Sora can? What I can? No, she relies on her crew to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done... she's probably a horrible cook anyway, you know..."
Laughter burst from Yukari — short, but sweet. Her worries were not gone, but they were tempered some, for now. "The boarding simulation ... that is what concerns me, Tom. That I will not be ready in that situation ... it frightens me. You are right; we must be as a team." She sniffed and nuzzled into her lover's chest, her arms coming around him. "I worry too much ... I am sorry, that I worry you so, Tom."
"Do me a favor then," Tom said as he slowly laid Yukari on her back, the warm smile back on his face. He brushed his cheek against hers before meeting her lips in a smooth, tender kiss. "Stop worrying and just... be."
Yukari's eyes closed as she was kissed, and both opened once the kiss was broken. She put on a brave smile, but Tom could see there was acceptance and determination in her eyes. She said she would try, and she meant it.
END
