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Approved Submission Psychopomp

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This is looking better, but your products list confuses me. None of those linked entries are Psychopomp's products. The one product that is isn't linked to anything or explained. Nor are the three unlinked items up at the top, which don't have much to do with kidnapping of and experimentation on children.

You're also creating a company that is supposed to have history, but none of that history is detailed.

If you were creating a simple company that made legal products and did nothing else, this might be an easier submission. Or if you curtailed the historical part of it and just made it a new (or relatively new) company. Doing that would cut down on the history part of the submission, but you still need to decide exactly what it does.

Does it kidnap, modify and sell children? Does it make plasma generators? It's not that it can't do both, but right now I can't tell which it actually does.
 
There are a few more products such as this and this. Should I continue in this fashion one or two more times?
 
Those are good starts to other submissions. As long as it's noted that this submission contains other unapproved ones.

And let me know when you want another gander at it.
 
All setting submissions need to be in the form of Star Army wiki articles.
 
On the surface, it looks much, much better. I'm impressed.

There's a lot of unapproved products here, obviously. I don't need to review them for the main submission, but I will update the OP to show that they're there.

I'm watching W, but I will get to a fuller review throughout the day.
 
Hmmm.

Right, so. The article is well done; I like the history creation, the detailing on the products and how the page is laid out. Everything looks good there.

But this feels very Special.

The company, as it stands, would not exist if not for the two characters linked to it, Ace and Alex. Nor does the company need to exist for any other reason — the history is well written and linked, but it links to nothing else across the wider story of SARP. That is to say, we don't see how Nepleslia is affected, or Yamatai or PNUgen or the ID-SOL or anyone else. The company exists as a vacuum for the sole purpose of justifying two characters, near as I can tell.

Can you talk about that some? I know you folk have gone through a lot of effort here and I don't want it to go to waste, but I have to be frank here. The company doesn't appear to have a point beyond justifying why two characters are Special.
 
I have some plans for them in the future. For instance, have psychopomp instigate an incident that causes people using competitors augments to go nuts (A la deus ex) in order to gain business. Or have ace and alex expose the shadowy side of psychopomp and make it a legitimate organization.
 
We tried to get Neplesia's premiere involved and even JP'd out a connection but that fell through as NAM being involved would likely create issues for the company in the long run. So, we tried connecting it in some way outside of these two characters, but it fell through.

Alex, we couldn't explain how it affected other super soldier projects or other businesses- that history is already written for them and it would be infringing on other players' creations.

I will think on this and brainstorm with the guys, Doshii.
 
Much appreciated, Liana. I'll put this submission on hold for now with an unlimited timer — post updates at your leisure.
 
As I posted way in the beginning, it's probably best that the company isn't an exception to the "must be founded in current year" rule. Even today's mainline Yamataian corporations written by Wes were introduced in the then-IC year (YE 20s).

Here's a really simple fix that would help justify the creation of this company and while simultaneously not effing much up:
  • Psychopomp LLC was founded in YE 38.
  • Before that, the Big Bad™ group of scientists worked at various existing companies
    • but they formed a sort of unofficial consortium to do the evil stuff they're into
      • this doesn't hurt the company's place in the backgrounds for characters that require approval
      • nor does it require much changing of history
Another easy alternative:
  • "Baseline humans also have built other colonies (such as Khorsovarolor) that continue to be discovered."
    • Strip reference to Nepleslia but leave everything else unchanged. There are obviously other humans out there, so just say Psychopomp is from a yet to be discovered human colony.
      • this really works well because the character whose backstory that the corp is being created for was found in a pod with a modified Origin mech.
        • That's easy to explain because Origin operates outside of sector space and their equipment can conceivably be really widespread.
      • No longer inserting what should be really notable history into the Kikyo sector
      • Allows cooler RP opportunities for "plots based around Psychopomp" and expansion into Nepleslia proper.
Anyway. Just ideas to help you guys get it approved without having to change too much.
 
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