Let's just write a little bit of a condensed checklist before I give the proper.
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Technical Issues
The
W3300-AGL is a Nepleslian item.
@Legix is relevant here, or you must make a unique grenade or mortar that is
not a copy-paste of another faction's article. Doesn't matter if there was roleplay behind it, unless Nepleslian FMs specifically said that you could make copies of the W3300-AGL.
Ideally you would expand out the Plasma Sword capabilities (i.e. length, activation time, looks, etc. Just like a weapons article.)
Please make the plasma sword a sub-article. For, you know, flavor text's sake and you can't say "MY PLASMA SWORD IS TEN MILES LONG!" Because that's, you know, what I can claim if you don't have a listed range. Please list ranges.
The
Liquid Ally is a Freespacer item.
@Primitive Polygon is relevant here.
Are you allowed to use the
Scale Datapad in this manner?
The Key Features should also include hardpoint data.
Just write more fluff. Please. This article feels way too bare-bones. Especially try to expand the Interior.
EVE should be part of the Onboard Systems and simply linked. There is no need to describe EVE in detail; the article does the job.
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Grammar Issues
The mech has multiple hard points and removable plates to allow the attachment of exterior equipment. It is also capable of using hand weapon systems
in addition. (Unclosed preposition)
-Fix: The mech has multiple hard points and removable plates to allow the attachment of
exterior equipment, in addition to using handheld weapon systems.
[Bad Word Flow]
What's special about this unit is it's control interface, because it has no physical controls. The user has to be equipped with a neural interface to use it, which allows more precision, and a reduced reaction time for pilots. In addition to this, the Possessor features a AI co-pilot which links with the mind of the pilot to give tactical and logistics support while serving as a companion to the pilot.
-Fix:
The unit also has no physical controls, instead utilizing a specialized neural interface that users must have. When linked in, the user has an assistant AI co-pilot that gives tactical and logistics support, as well as reduced reaction time and increased precision. (Read that and see how much better it feels.)
There is
no interior really as there is only room for the pilot seat and a drone docking station behind it.
It is cramped as no physical controls are needed. The pilot seat and docking station extends and retracts from inside the mech's chest to allow boarding and disembarking.
-Fix (
Revision): The interior is cramped, only allowing enough space for the pilot and a drone docking station, which extend and retract from the mech's chest to allow boarding and disembarking.
Through the year as
Section 6 completed various projects of various
complexity and purpose, used what they learned from them and the
U-1 to refine these designs. (Bad comma splice)
-Fix:
Through YE39 and Section 6's experiences completing various projects, Section 6 used what they learned and what worked from U-1 to refine these designs.
However when the pilot has linked in they are presented with a sphere shaped space that an avatar of the AI is also represented in this space in their mind. It is all a mental manifestation when the pilot has established a neural link with the unit, with the walls of the sphere showing the outside world. (
Too wordy)
-Fix:
However, the pilot when linked in is presented in their mind with a spherical space that the AI's avatar manifests in, the sphere's walls showing the outside world.
Eventually it was finalized late
YE39, and now
are ready for testing in
YE40. (Tense agreement; pronoun agreement)
-Fix:
The S6-XM1 was finalized late YE39, and is now ready for testing in YE40.
