Fred
Retired Staff
I need to add that I personally not in agreement with the way Blas portrayed his Nyton character in his latest post. I'll elucidate why:
We start with this:
Air blasted out of his lungs. Okay. Then Nyton is resisting the pain from being knocked around which brings me to wondering just how Nyton can go and so handily endure what is effectively him being broiled alive inside his own power armor courtesy of something very big and nasty clutching him hard, squeezing him with crushing force that will eventually end up with each claw cutting through his body.
I can't help but feel that the predicament is taken a little too lightly. Nyton is on the verge of being killed. I saw more extreme reactions out of him when he was facing Amaya - does that mean that Eve's position which puts him personally at great peril is actually not as threatening by contrast to Amaya. Knowing how Nyton has acted before, I've great difficulty seeing that behavior as consistent.
His consternation in italics is spot on. I'd be frustratingly dwelling on the very thing... if I wasn't busy being in a great deal of pain and panicking.
The rest of that paragraph is fine. He then sends messages to his team members.
Orders needed to be given out from him to give the Black Knights some sort of coordination. I could ponder on how exactly Nyton actually goes and gets his text messages written without his cybernetics, especially when he's supposed to be just shy of dying, but I'm not going to be that picky (maybe the Phalanx' mental interface is just that good).
Overall, I feel the orders lack brevity. Is Nyton really worrying about Masako being in a teleport shockwave while he's being cooked? Does he really need to justify himself to Nakamura and Westwood on the whys they should listen to him? Being succinct there would imply in tone that he's harried and yet trying to think on his feet despite everything.
That was fine. I always expect some measure of reasoning to be fleshed out to sort of provide further contextual knowledge on the whys of a character's action. It's most likely these portions of a post which helps other player contextually connect and understand what happens and why without needing to have it spelled out to thier characters verbally. The characters are supposed to be professional soldiers after all.
This post I'm not at all okay with. I understand Blas is trying to do his utmost to be inventive and come ahead of the apparently nigh invulnerable Eve, but this raises large GM bias on my part.
I once allowed over AIES units to be slaved by remove for purpose of moving them around. However, in time, this was pushed to give those inert power armors the ability to contribute in a battle, to which I am very opposed. If power armors could be moved by remote like that, why bother with pilots? Why not just make them giant remote controlled drones?
I am very, very opposed to weapon systems being used.
Luckily, I have a way out of this as a GM. Nimura was struck by a scalar cannon so her electronics have gone haywire just as much as she's unconscious, so, there's just no AIES to 'listen' to Nyton. Furthermore, the armor doesn't have to be told to 'help' its user recover. If it can do so, it does so on its own.
Lets just say that ever since I gave permission to have armor medevaced via remote control in Bowhordia, I've regretted. This is just too prone for abuse.
I don't think this should be in there, at all. Nyton already sent one big text message to the rest of his squadron, and he's heard Eve say herself that Hoshi was about to croak in under a minute. One moment he tells her to hang on, portraying the impression that he understands how desperate the computer's resistance is (and how it's a losing effort) and the next he goes and barrages it with questions? I don't see contextually why he bothers when he seemed to write it off a wee bit earlier and that he's busy being cooked.
And finally this: Nyton talks back to Eve, glibly, and he even manages to sound lusty. It's not important that he's being crushed and roasted while held by the two giant killing claws of something that even pinning him that's weighting several tons.
Where's the swearing, the panic, the denials that he's not going to just lay down and die crushed like some miserable insect, the promises that he'll paint the walls with her brains... the sort of thing we saw with Amaya? What makes Amaya more worthy of such a panic than Eve? Did I drop the ball, somehow, in making Eve feel more trivial an opponent in comparison to Amaya?
I look at how Nyton was supposed to not have his cybernetics to help him keep cool, and how since he was revived that he had raw nerve issues... and then I look at how he behaved in the battle against Amaya... and what I seem to see here is that Nyton can muster the bravado to make Eve seem trivial in comparison to Amaya.
Even if Nyton studied Eve, obsessed over her, looked forward to fighting her... I just can't see that enthusiasm persisting before not only the specter of his own death, but also his other crewmates? After all, he's right on top of his liege, Kotori, trying to protect her too! I don't suppose Eve's apparent mastery of the situation could actually intimidate him, even?
That kind of has my lower jaw hang in disbelief. I just can't believe it. Someone snuck in my plot, abducted Nyton and replaced him with He-Man. No offense meant.
Blas, buddy, please forgive my harsh criticism of your previous post. I know you put a lot of time and effort into it, and that you have other concerns as well. I gave your post this analysis, and I feel compelled to tell you that I believe you dropped the ball there. Most of your planning and Nyton's overall actions are mostly fine, actually, but the whole tone of the post feels wrong and disconnected with the situation Nyton is presently in.
This is not my character. This is yours... but I've learned to know Nyton and seeing this really dismays me because I find myself unable to relate with him. Nothing stops us from moving on from here, as the post is functional for continuity, but I'd like to appeal that you consider what I've pointed out.
We start with this:
Air blasted out of his lungs. Okay. Then Nyton is resisting the pain from being knocked around which brings me to wondering just how Nyton can go and so handily endure what is effectively him being broiled alive inside his own power armor courtesy of something very big and nasty clutching him hard, squeezing him with crushing force that will eventually end up with each claw cutting through his body.
I can't help but feel that the predicament is taken a little too lightly. Nyton is on the verge of being killed. I saw more extreme reactions out of him when he was facing Amaya - does that mean that Eve's position which puts him personally at great peril is actually not as threatening by contrast to Amaya. Knowing how Nyton has acted before, I've great difficulty seeing that behavior as consistent.
His consternation in italics is spot on. I'd be frustratingly dwelling on the very thing... if I wasn't busy being in a great deal of pain and panicking.
The rest of that paragraph is fine. He then sends messages to his team members.
Code:
Kurohoshi, brace for impact and be ready to react. Gunshin, teleport to the coordinates right behind Meni and strike. Nakamura, Westwood, keep an eye on Mani and close in on Eve. She can't shoot you and risk hitting Eve. Nakamura, bring the subspace missiles in close and hit Eve at point blank range. Westwood, just do what you do best.Orders needed to be given out from him to give the Black Knights some sort of coordination. I could ponder on how exactly Nyton actually goes and gets his text messages written without his cybernetics, especially when he's supposed to be just shy of dying, but I'm not going to be that picky (maybe the Phalanx' mental interface is just that good).
Overall, I feel the orders lack brevity. Is Nyton really worrying about Masako being in a teleport shockwave while he's being cooked? Does he really need to justify himself to Nakamura and Westwood on the whys they should listen to him? Being succinct there would imply in tone that he's harried and yet trying to think on his feet despite everything.
That was fine. I always expect some measure of reasoning to be fleshed out to sort of provide further contextual knowledge on the whys of a character's action. It's most likely these portions of a post which helps other player contextually connect and understand what happens and why without needing to have it spelled out to thier characters verbally. The characters are supposed to be professional soldiers after all.
This post I'm not at all okay with. I understand Blas is trying to do his utmost to be inventive and come ahead of the apparently nigh invulnerable Eve, but this raises large GM bias on my part.
I once allowed over AIES units to be slaved by remove for purpose of moving them around. However, in time, this was pushed to give those inert power armors the ability to contribute in a battle, to which I am very opposed. If power armors could be moved by remote like that, why bother with pilots? Why not just make them giant remote controlled drones?
I am very, very opposed to weapon systems being used.
Luckily, I have a way out of this as a GM. Nimura was struck by a scalar cannon so her electronics have gone haywire just as much as she's unconscious, so, there's just no AIES to 'listen' to Nyton. Furthermore, the armor doesn't have to be told to 'help' its user recover. If it can do so, it does so on its own.
Lets just say that ever since I gave permission to have armor medevaced via remote control in Bowhordia, I've regretted. This is just too prone for abuse.
I don't think this should be in there, at all. Nyton already sent one big text message to the rest of his squadron, and he's heard Eve say herself that Hoshi was about to croak in under a minute. One moment he tells her to hang on, portraying the impression that he understands how desperate the computer's resistance is (and how it's a losing effort) and the next he goes and barrages it with questions? I don't see contextually why he bothers when he seemed to write it off a wee bit earlier and that he's busy being cooked.
And finally this: Nyton talks back to Eve, glibly, and he even manages to sound lusty. It's not important that he's being crushed and roasted while held by the two giant killing claws of something that even pinning him that's weighting several tons.
Where's the swearing, the panic, the denials that he's not going to just lay down and die crushed like some miserable insect, the promises that he'll paint the walls with her brains... the sort of thing we saw with Amaya? What makes Amaya more worthy of such a panic than Eve? Did I drop the ball, somehow, in making Eve feel more trivial an opponent in comparison to Amaya?
I look at how Nyton was supposed to not have his cybernetics to help him keep cool, and how since he was revived that he had raw nerve issues... and then I look at how he behaved in the battle against Amaya... and what I seem to see here is that Nyton can muster the bravado to make Eve seem trivial in comparison to Amaya.
Even if Nyton studied Eve, obsessed over her, looked forward to fighting her... I just can't see that enthusiasm persisting before not only the specter of his own death, but also his other crewmates? After all, he's right on top of his liege, Kotori, trying to protect her too! I don't suppose Eve's apparent mastery of the situation could actually intimidate him, even?
That kind of has my lower jaw hang in disbelief. I just can't believe it. Someone snuck in my plot, abducted Nyton and replaced him with He-Man. No offense meant.
Blas, buddy, please forgive my harsh criticism of your previous post. I know you put a lot of time and effort into it, and that you have other concerns as well. I gave your post this analysis, and I feel compelled to tell you that I believe you dropped the ball there. Most of your planning and Nyton's overall actions are mostly fine, actually, but the whole tone of the post feels wrong and disconnected with the situation Nyton is presently in.
This is not my character. This is yours... but I've learned to know Nyton and seeing this really dismays me because I find myself unable to relate with him. Nothing stops us from moving on from here, as the post is functional for continuity, but I'd like to appeal that you consider what I've pointed out.